Overlord
by JenJenJen13
Summary: After getting his land yanked out from under him, one could say Sun Ce is pretty much screwed. Apparently, one hasn't met Sun Ce before. Join Sun Ce as he takes 2nd century China by storm and proves why he's called "the Little Conqueror". Sun Ce/Da Qiao
1. The Epic Saga of Sun Ce Begins

It's been a good while since I've written a Dynasty Warriors fanfiction. Takes place in a Dynasty Warriors: Empires setting. I've also never written a story that centers around Sun Ce, either!

-

'Ouch' was about all that floated through the Wu ruler's mind at the current moment. His head was—no, everything was hurting, it felt like he'd been bashed over the head with a giant iron shield.

"Oww," Sun Ce groaned, "My friggen head… what the hell happened, where am I?"

A very excited squeal, several octaves higher than a human's voice should be, greeted his ears. "MY LORD! SUN CE! YOU'RE AWAKE!"

"Wha..?" Sun Ce groaned, opening his eyes and attempting to sit up. Bad idea. He leaned back down, pain surging through his body. "Da Qiao, is that you?"

"Quan, Shang Xiang! Ce's awake!" Da Qiao cried, rushing out of the tent and leaving a very confused Sun Ce behind.

"What!?" he heard his sister shriek, and instantly Sun Shang Xiang ran into the tent, promptly bursting into tears at sight of Sun Ce.

"Someone want to tell me what the hell's going on!?" Sun Ce demanded.

"Brother!" shouted Sun Quan, rushing into the tent after Sun Shang Xiang. "Ce, are you alright?"

"I'm fine! Well… I've been better," Sun Ce said, "Exactly what the hell happened? Quan? Shang Xiang? Where is everyone?"

Sun Shang Xiang was still crying, which Sun Ce found strange and suspicious. His little sister didn't cry unless something terrible was happening (or, when she once thought she was engaged to Zhou Yu; luckily the whole scam was revealed to be a prank, and Sun Ce, Sun Quan, and Ling Tong suffered very painfully for pranking the volatile Princess. Ling Tong didn't do anything but Sun Shang Xiang blamed him by default).

Sun Quan patted his sister's shoulder gently and turned to Sun Ce, a grave look on his already serious face. Sun Ce winced. Whatever the bad news was, it sure as hell wasn't going to be good news…

"Don't tell me we lost," Sun Ce said, wide-eyed.

"We did," Sun Quan said, shaking his head. "And that's not all. We lost Jian Ye, Ce."

Sun Ce felt his mouth go dry. "J-Jian Ye? But… we just lost the base, what the hell happened?"

"They took it all! They did a night raid on the palace when we weren't paying attention!" Sun Shang Xiang shouted, through her sobs, "God damn them to hell!"

"Who!? Who took what!?" Sun Ce cried, getting frustrated. "God dammit, get a grip, you guys! We lost!? There's no way we lost Jian Ye! That's the palace, that's the homeland! If we lost Jian Ye… then…"

"Everyone's gone," Sun Shang Xiang said, "Everyone! They took all the prisoners on the battlefield and stormed the palace grounds and captured everyone else in there too! I don't know how Da and I were able to escape!"

"Then… where's Zhou Yu? Ling Tong? Xiao Qiao too? Huang Gai? Where are they?" Sun Ce demanded, standing up, and feeling pain surge through his body. "I remember getting knocked out… I was protecting that damn supply base, that Ling Tong abandoned, and… then I don't remember anything!"

"It was Yuan Shu," Sun Quan said, "Yuan Shao sent an elite unit, as you know, from Ping Yuan to Jian Ye. He feared we would ally with Cao Cao, and destroy him—"

"I already know all this! WHERE IS EVERYONE!?" Sun Ce shouted.

"Yuan Shu's forces captured our remaining generals," Sun Quan said, "I found you in the supply base before we were forced to retreat, and when I was trying to bring you back to the main camp, Yuan Shu's troops began to storm the palace."

"It was really late, too," Sun Shang Xiang said angrily, "The bastards caught us off guard. I wanted to stay and fight, but Ling Cao was very adamant about me getting Da and Xiao out. He stayed behind to fight, and we escaped."

"But where's Xiao Qiao?" Sun Ce asked, turning to his wife, who had begun to sob. "Da Qiao?"

Da Qiao's small form was not shaking with tears, as Sun Ce expected, but with raw fury. "She escaped," she said, "I believe she attempted to follow Yuan Shu's forces, to find Zhou Yu and rescue him. By the time we realized she was gone, she was too far away to stop."

"I don't know what the hell she was thinking, either," Sun Shang Xiang said angrily, "That's the last thing we need, one of the Two Qiaos wandering through Cao Cao's territories, trying to follow after the enemy!"

"Ohh, no," Sun Ce said, "But where are we NOW!?"

"We don't know," Sun Shang Xiang admitted, "I think we're on the outskirts of Jiao Zhi, near Nan Zhong…"

"Nan Zhong… well, I've heard the Nanmans are friendly, at least," Sun Ce said, although he wasn't too convinced of that rumor. He'd also heard a few rumors that the Nanman King, Meng Huo, enjoyed eating prisoners.

"That's not the problem," Sun Quan said, "Jiao Zhi is home to many mercenaries, particularly rogue bandits from the former Yellow Turban armies, and several pirates."

"Liu Biao's territories are north from here," Sun Shang Xiang said, "Which means, we might be getting some unwelcome visitors soon."

"So it's really just us, huh?" Sun Ce said, shaking his head. "Unbelievable how only my family survived…"

"Escaped is more accurate," Sun Quan said. "We're not sure if anyone is dead yet. The only officers we've lost in battle are Zhou Yu, Ling Tong, and Huang Gai. Huang Gai is a war veteran, and Zhou Yu's brilliance is known across the land. Chances are very high they're being held as war prisoners."

"What about Tong?" Sun Shang Xiang asked, "You didn't mention Ling Tong, Quan. What do you think happened to him?"

Sun Quan stayed silent. "Ling Tong is still young, and hopefully he's with Zhou Yu, Huang Gai, or his father," he finally said. "I hope for his sake he keeps his mouth shut."

"Fair enough," Sun Shang Xiang said. Sun Ce felt sorry for his little sister, understanding how she felt. Ling Tong had been Sun Shang Xiang's best friend since they were children, much like his own friendship with Zhou Yu. Being separated from his best friend felt like a member of his family was missing as well.

"Well, what now?" Sun Ce finally asked, after a long silence.

"You tell us," Sun Shang Xiang said, "You're in charge, Ce."

"What!? Me!? Why!?" Sun Ce cried, shocked. "After I already screwed everything up once? No way! Quan can be in charge!"

"Absolutely not," Sun Quan said flatly, "You're the elder brother. No one in their sane mind would take orders from someone of my age and lack of experience."

"Oh, come on," Sun Ce said, "You're twenty-one, Quan, I've been fighting since I was eighteen! Ling Tong's been at it since he was fifteen! You're plenty prepared!"

"Come on, Ce," Sun Shang Xiang said, angrily, "Don't be a girl. How're we going to get Tong, Zhou Yu, Xiao Qiao, or anyone else back? Quan doesn't know how to lead—no offense," she added quickly, and Quan nodded. "Anyway, when Daddy died, he put you in charge!"

"Pop died three years ago, Shang Xiang, I was twenty and the only one of us who was an adult," Sun Ce corrected, "Quan's always been more rational and smarter than I was, anyway."

"That's not true," Sun Quan said instantly. "You've had more formal training than I have."

"Oh, stop arguing!" Da Qiao cried, stamping her tiny foot impatiently. "Ce, you were in charge before, and we all still have faith in your ability to lead! Stop this senseless bickering and come to a decision!"

Sun Ce laughed. "That's my decision. Let's put Da in charge!"

Seeing the looks of horror on his brother and sister's faces, he laughed again. "Kidding, guys. Just kidding."

"I'm glad someone still has a sense of humor," Sun Shang Xiang said bitterly. "Ce, you're in charge whether you like it or not. Deal with it."

"Apparently women have quite a say in this new democracy of ours," Sun Quan said, shaking his head.

Sun Shang Xiang glared at her brothers. "Neither one of you would be acting like this if Daddy was still alive."

"She's right," Sun Ce said, "Fine. I set out to unite the land, and that's what I'm going to do, no matter how long it takes us. So we don't have Jian Ye anymore, we're still the Sun Family, right? They can beat us down as much as they want, but there's no way we're giving in. You guys with me?"

"Better believe it!" Sun Shang Xiang cheered, and Sun Quan nodded.

"That's my lord!" Da Qiao said happily.

"Alright, cool! The Sun Family's back in business, everyone!" Sun Ce looked around at the smiles on his wife, brother and sister's faces, and then stopped. "Umm, what do we do now? That charismatic speech was about all I could think of at the moment."

Sun Quan, Sun Shang Xiang, and Da Qiao groaned in unison.

"We are so screwed," Sun Shang Xiang moaned, shaking her head.

-

Kind of a short chapter; more or less for introductory purposes. I'm not sure where I'm going to go with this, but so far I have some ideas. :D

Feedback/criticism welcome!


	2. We are the Sun Family

-

The blank stares Sun Ce was receiving from his family weren't helping his mood very much.

"Hey, don't give me that, Zhou Yu usually did all this planning crap, not me," Sun Ce complained. "Hey, we still have our weapons and stuff, right?"

"Yeah," Sun Shang Xiang said, "I got my chakrams before we left, and the Qiaos both got their fans. Ling Cao was able to buy us that much time."

"He's probably being held prisoner with Zhou Yu, Dong Xi, and the others," Sun Quan said, "Yuan Shao is focused on land expansion. He probably knows that the generals he captured wouldn't join Cao Cao; they'd return to us as soon as they could. He is not a cruel lord, he will probably let them go."

"Unless Tong says something stupid and pisses him off," Sun Shang Xiang said darkly.

"Well, I'm not going to figure anything out, sitting around in bed," Sun Ce said, and began to climb out of his bed.

"Um, Sun Ce, that might not be the best—"

Da Qiao was interrupted by Sun Ce shouting "Whoaaa!" and nearly stumbling to the ground, if he hadn't been quickly supported by his brother.

"Oof. Thanks, Quan. I guess I'm not quite back to normal yet, huh?" Sun Ce chuckled, stretching his legs.

"Well, you certainly took a beating," Sun Quan said, "but this is nothing for you. You'll be back to your old self soon."

"Yeah, otherwise this new kingdom of ours wouldn't stand much of a chance," Sun Ce groaned. "Well, I'm an open minded kind of guy… what do you guys think we should do?" He looked at his family. "From left to right, starting with… my little sister."

"Kick Yuan Shao's ass?" Sun Shang Xiang suggested.

"Pfft. Us and what army?" Sun Ce laughed. "Next! Quan, what've you got?"

"Send an envoy to Meng Huo and ask for some assistance," Sun Quan said, "At least before we're overrun by pirates."

"By envoy, do you mean one of us?" Sun Ce asked. "We don't have any troops, do we?" Sun Quan's silence was enough of an answer. "Next! My sweet Da Qiao, what do you think?"

"Hey, wait a minute!" Sun Shang Xiang interjected angrily, "Da Qiao is NOT a general in anyone's army! She can't even fight!"

"That's not true!" Da Qiao protested, "I can fight!"

"Yeah, with your silly fans," Sun Shang Xiang snapped, "You and your sister are too overconfident in your combat skills! No officer with any pride would hurt defenseless women!"

"Hey, Shang Xiang, enough already!" Sun Ce said, angrily. "Da Qiao is my wife, and this is my army, therefore she has just as much say in what we do as anyone else does." He turned to his wife. "Go ahead, baby."

Da Qiao looked hurt, but quickly shook her head. "Oh. Well… as much as I want to focus on getting our generals, and my sister back, I agree with Sun Quan in forming an alliance with Meng Huo, at least until we can capture a territory of our own."

"Hmm…" Sun Ce tapped his chin thoughtfully, tugging on his goatee. "An alliance sounds like the way to go, although I hate being dependent on some other country. Maybe there's someone who got left behind in Jian Ye? Or maybe we can find some troops still willing to take our side… we weren't bad rulers, right?"

"Not at all," Sun Quan agreed.

"I guess that's it, then. Let's get everything together and head back home," Sun Ce said.

"It's not home anymore," Da Qiao said sadly.

-

The return to Jian Ye was going much smoother than Sun Ce had expected; his family had basic rations, but no luxuries such as horses or bodyguards were available. Of course, Sun Ce was perfectly willing to walk, as long as they didn't get attacked.

"Guess living the pampered royalty lifestyle wasn't too much help," Sun Ce said, noticing the tortured expressions of his family. "C'mon, guys, cheer up! This isn't so bad!"

He was surprised how well his wife was holding up; although she did have basic combat training, Da Qiao was not a seasoned warrior, nor had she ever participated in battle, so he was a bit worried how she'd handle a long journey like this.

She'd surprised him completely; not only was she fine, but she was the only one who was still in a good mood. Sun Quan looked miserable, and Sun Shang Xiang was still sulking, probably still angry from the dressing-down Sun Ce had given her earlier.

Well, I don't care, Sun Ce thought dismissively, she was out of line and as her commander it was my job to put her in her place. She might be my little sister, but I won't have her talking to Da Qiao like that.

Then again, Shang Xiang usually was weird around Da Qiao… She was very close to Xiao Qiao, best friends since the day they met, but her relationship with Da Qiao was polite and distant.

Da Qiao had never brought it up, so Sun Ce usually dismissed it as some kind of stupid girl thing. But maybe it went beyond that.

Her best friend was also missing in action. Despite her denials, Sun Ce was almost convinced she had some feelings for Ling Tong, beyond the friendship she so desperately insisted it only was.

Sun Ce chortled a bit at the memory of setting his sister and Zhou Yu up on a date once; it didn't go well, to say the least. Zhou Yu, having known Sun Shang Xiang very well since childhood, pointed out at least five times that she would instantly become suspicious, but Sun Ce had overruled his best friend's protesting and made him go anyways.

Needless to say, Sun Shang Xiang had chased Zhou Yu out of the grand hall and into the horse stables, until in fear for his life, he confessed that Sun Ce and Sun Quan had set him up and made him do it.

He, Sun Ce, had been peacefully sleeping in his bed, and was rudely awakened by his sister barging into his bedroom and jumping on top of him, trying to strangle him. Sun Quan had received a similar greeting, and so had Ling Tong. Ling Tong didn't have anything to do with it, but Sun Shang Xiang was so used to him pulling pranks on her, it was a force of habit.

Anyway, if Sun Ce's hunch was right, and his sister did have feelings for her best friend… if Ling Tong didn't come back, it was highly likely she'd find something wrong with every man she came across, and stay a single woman forever. It was just the way she was.

Sun Ce reached over and grabbed his brother's sleeve, dragging a surprised Sun Quan closer to him. "I think I know why Shang Xiang's so angry," Sun Ce said. Sun Quan glanced over at their angry sister, who was too far to the left to hear them.

"Why?" Sun Quan asked, before sighing. "Well, aside from the destruction of our kingdom, and the sun beating down upon us. That's what's got me down, at least."

"Oh, quit thinking about yourself. She's mad that Da Qiao's got me, and she doesn't have Ling Tong anymore," Sun Ce said, so excited about the accuracy of his theory he was nearly exploding with delight.

"But Shang Xiang doesn't like Ling Tong that way, does she?" Sun Quan asked curiously. "I mean, she denies it all the time…" He thought for a second. "Good heavens, brother, you might be right."

"I am right!" Sun Ce said confidently, "But the bad news is, she's going to be pissy and angry until we find Ling Tong again. I guess our best chance is—"

He felt a small, strong hand pinch his ear lobe violently, and one quick glance at his brother's grimace of pain and twisted earlobe confirmed Sun Ce's belief that his little sister had overheard their conversation.

"May I ask what the hell my two big brothers are talking about?" Sun Shang Xiang asked, a smile full of evil stretched across her face.

Sun Ce pulled his sister's hand off his ear and pointed his finger at her accusingly. "You like Ling Tong!" he said.

Sun Shang Xiang's jaw dropped in shock, then she quickly formed a scowl and shoved her brother in the stomach roughly. "Shut up! I do not!" she shouted.

Da Qiao, who hadn't been paying attention, jumped at the sudden noise and looked over.

"Would you two stop meddling in my life?" Sun Shang Xiang demanded, putting her hands on her hips and glaring at her brothers. "I can't talk to a single guy without you two jumping to stupid conclusions! You two are worse than Daddy ever was!"

"I would like to interject and say that I, Sun Quan, second son of the Sun Family, have done nothing wrong but listen to Ce," Sun Quan said, clearly trying not to get hit by his little sister.

"I don't care what you were doing! You two could drive anyone crazy!" Sun Shang Xiang said.

"Hey, little sister, might I remind you that we're your ELDER brothers, and despite how much we may annoy you, you still have to respect us," Sun Ce said, sticking his tongue out at her. "We're older than you, and we outrank you on the battlefield!"

"What battlefield? We don't even have an army! And that's a really fancy way of saying you don't have anything to say for yourselves," Sun Shang Xiang snapped. "And for the record Ling Tong has nothing to do with why I'm in a bad mood, I'm hot and I'm tired and my feet hurt and—"

"You're lying!" Sun Quan accused.

Sun Shang Xiang groaned. "Oh, fine! I'm lying! Happy now?"

Sun Quan shrugged. "I was just guessing. You caved."

"QUAN," Sun Ce said warningly. "You should be thanking us on your hands and knees, little Shang Xiang, because I'm sure you've heard how Cao Cao's sons treat _their _sisters? They sell them off all the time, for armor and weapons and food!! Having your brothers tease you is nothing!"

Sun Shang Xiang groaned. "I understand." She sighed. "It's not like he's here, anyway."

"Who, Cao Cao? Thank goodness he's not here, that guy's a jerk," Sun Ce said, oblivious as usual. "We've got enough problems as it is, the last thing we need is—"

Sun Quan sighed. "She meant Ling Tong, brother."

"Aah, I see. That makes more sense!" Sun Ce said. "C'mon, Shang Xiang, we're your brothers. If you can't be honest with us who can you be honest with?"

"Family's about all you can trust these days," Sun Quan agreed.

"Not necessarily, Yuan Shao's sons are always at each other's throats," Sun Ce said.

"Is everything alright?" Da Qiao asked, coming up next to Sun Ce.

"Yeah, just fine," Sun Ce told her. "Shang Xiang, you going to be okay?"

"Yeah," Sun Shang Xiang said, "I just… I didn't think I'd miss him this much. You know?"

Sun Ce nodded. "I hear you. This is the first time I've ever been separated from Zhou Yu."

"Or my sister," Da Qiao said, reaching for Sun Shang Xiang's hand. "Shang Xiang, I know we're very different people, but… we are family, and I care about you. I would very much like it if we were to become friends."

Sun Shang Xiang smiled. "I guess I haven't been very welcoming to you, have I? I'm sorry. I just figured a girl crazy enough to marry my brother here wasn't worth getting to know."

"Ha, ha," Sun Ce said sarcastically, "Real nice, sis."

"Hey, you make fun of Tong all the time," Sun Shang Xiang shot back, but smiled at Da Qiao. "I'd like to be friends too. Especially with two brothers, it'd be great to have a girl to talk to."

Da Qiao smiled brightly. "Oh, I'm so happy! At least things are starting to look up now!"

"Well, the saying says good fortune comes in pairs," Sun Quan said, "Maybe a Shang Xiang-Da alliance is leading the way to some more good fortune."

Sun Ce stopped, taking a good long glance out towards the horizon. His vision was very good, but he was very much hoping he was mistaken in seeing an army out in the distance.

"I think we've used all our good fortune up, Quan," he finally said.

-

Action will be coming in the next chapter, I SWEAR. :D Here's a hint, in the form of a completely obvious statement… GAN NING!! :D

I'm definitely planning on involving a lot of generals in this story, not just the DW playable Wu characters. They might not pop up for a few chapters, since I'm not too well-versed in what they did for Wu, so I want to do some research first.

Anyway, feedback/comments/recommendations are welcome…


	3. The Conqueror, the Pirate, & Lots of Mud

Here we go with Chapter 3… this one is WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY better than it was before!

-

Sun Ce stopped, taking a good long glance out towards the horizon. His vision was very good, but he was very much hoping he was mistaken in seeing an army out in the distance.

"I think we've used all our good fortune up, Quan," he finally said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sun Quan asked, sounding alarmed.

"I think I see some troops out there," Sun Ce said, "We're in the middle of pirate country, aren't we?"

"You and your stupid proverbs!" Sun Shang Xiang said to Sun Quan, "Good fortune comes in pairs? Well, bad fortune comes in threes!"

"We don't even know if this is bad yet!" Sun Quan protested. "Calm down!"

"Hey, would you two mind shutting up?" Sun Ce snapped, "I'm trying to focus here, and you two bickering isn't helping!"

"Nice job," Sun Shang Xiang said to Sun Quan.

"Hold on a minute," Sun Quan said, ignoring his younger sister. "Brother, pirates don't travel in armies, they travel in brigades. If there's an army out there, they might be able to help us!"

"Or they might capture us and kill us!" Sun Shang Xiang added, "Let me guess, you have a proverb for that one too?"

Sun Quan looked outraged. "Alright, that's enough of your snarky comments, _little sister_! You're supposed to honor your elder brothers!"

Sun Shang Xiang made a face. "Oh, engrave that on your sword, why don't you? That's the fifth time you've said that today!"

"When did you turn into Ling Tong?" Sun Quan sighed.

"You make that sound like it's a bad thing!" Sun Shang Xiang said haughtily.

Sun Quan's eyes narrowed. "Last I checked, I wasn't the one mocking your _boyfriend_, Ce was! Stop haranguing me this instant, Shang Xiang!"

"Ling Tong is _not _my boyfriend!" Sun Shang Xiang hollered. "Just because you don't have any friends doesn't mean you get to make fun of mine!"

Unfortunately, the bickering of the younger Sun siblings had been overheard, but not by the troops seen marching in the distance.

"Well, well, what have we here!?" shouted a gleeful voice from behind them. "I do love weary travelers! Now what am I gonna do with you?"

The man was probably about the same age as Sun Ce; standing about six feet tall, he had spiky brown hair tied back with a bandana. He wore a sleeveless green vest, exposing his arms and his muscular chest, all of which were covered in elaborate tattoos. He was also wearing a big grin on his face.

Needless to say, he probably wasn't here to befriend anyone.

"Exactly how long has he been following us?" Sun Quan asked. "He didn't just materialize from thin air! How did we not see him?"

"Nice job!" Sun Shang Xiang said to Sun Quan, "Thanks to you, we're being attacked!"

Sun Quan apparently decided to stop humoring his younger sister with a response, instead folding his arms and making a face.

"AAAAH! Sun Ce! It's a bandit!" Da Qiao cried, always one to point out the obvious. She then took up an angry expression, pointing her finger at the man. "Stay away from us! Go away!" she ordered.

The man seemed to take offense. "Hey! I'm no bandit, little lady," he said, stepping forward and tipping Da Qiao's chin upwards with his finger, "But YOU might just be the prettiest little thing I've seen all day! How about coming with me, babe?"

"Eeep!" Da Qiao squeaked, all her false bravado going out the window.

"HEY! Get your hand off my wife before I turn you into tonfa pulp!" Sun Ce shouted, baring his tonfas (and his teeth) ferociously.

The man made a face. "Wife? Are you for real?"

"YES I'm for real! Get away from her!" Sun Ce yelled.

"Damn! The good ones are always taken!" The man shook his head.

"What kind of bandit inquires about the marital status of his victims?" Sun Quan asked. "I mean, where's the logic?"

The man glared at Sun Quan. "Shut up! And hand over all your gold!"

Sun Shang Xiang scowled, putting her hands on her hips defiantly. "Who the hell are you?" she demanded. "You're screwing with the wrong family, pal! I'd suggest you get outta here before you get hurt!"

"She's just jealous he flirted with Da Qiao first," Sun Quan chortled, earning an elbow to the side from his older brother. "Ow."

"What the hell ARE you?" The man replied, staring at Sun Shang Xiang with something of awe. "Are you a man or a woman? You look like a lady from the neck down… but, uh…"

Sun Ce and Sun Quan winced. Their little sister usually got rather annoyed when she was confused for a man. It happened a lot less because she had _finally _grown up into a woman, but her preteen years had been a bit awkward.

"What am I!? I'm a woman, you son of a bitch!" Sun Shang Xiang shouted, beginning to untuck her shirt. "Don't believe me!? Check these out!"

"I don't think so!" Sun Ce shouted, pulling his sister's hands away from her waist. "Shang Xiang! What are you, crazy!? What would Pop say!?"

"Oh, shut up! I suppose you think I look like a man, too!?" Sun Shang Xiang demanded, clearly enraged.

Sun Ce wasn't sure how to respond to that one. "Well, uh, you have a cute face, but you might consider growing your hair out a bit—"

"SHUT UP!" Sun Shang Xiang shouted, "Dammit! What does someone have to do to get stuck with older brothers like YOU GUYS!?"

The man rolled his eyes. "I sure know how to pick the crazy ones. Look, just hand over all your gold! I don't have time for this!"

"You're attacking us!" Sun Ce pointed out, "Who cares about wasting your time!?"

The man sighed. "So it's gonna have to come to a fight, isn't it? Well, I'm up for it if you are!"

Sun Ce laughed. "You want a fight? You're on!" He drew his tonfas, nicknamed "Conqueror", and got into a fighting stance. "Let's go!"

"You want a piece of Gan Ning? Come and get it!" the man apparently named Gan Ning shouted, drawing a large, ornate sword.

Sun Ce crouched and let the stranger come at him. Gan Ning, cocky, left his body unprotected, making smug motions with his hands, as if beckoning for a blow right into his vulnerable stomach.

Da Qiao was a bit worried. She'd pounded it into her husband's head to always be careful, and judging by the way Sun Ce was letting Gan Ning move first, it had worked. Granted, she was still worried that Sun Ce might do something rash.

Sun Ce and the bandit were going to exchange a few blows, she knew, before her husband got really serious. Sun Ce just wanted to gauge how well Gan Ning fought.

On that subject, probably not well, since the general demeanor and language of the other man suggested a not overly-burdened intellect. On the other hand, she'd known of men who could not add two plus two and get four, yet could outfight and kill someone with objects that included, but were not limited to, swords, spears, and their pinkie fingers.

Gan Ning started out with a simple sword thrust, which Sun Ce easily parried to the side before retaliating with a punishing elbow to the bandit's face. Gan Ning was surprised, to say the least, at how fast that hit had come out. He'd pegged the guy with ponytail to be a pushover. Honestly, he thought, what would you expect from a guy who married a girl who should have been painting scrolls or whatever it was those smart people did. Heck, what should you expect from someone who wore had a goatee?

Well, Gan Ning decided, major ouchies were one thing to look forward to. Yow. He spat blood out of his mouth and moved forward a little more cautiously.

As her husband landed the first blow, Da Qiao threw up her arms and cheered on her husband. "Ce! Turn his face into pulp! Break his arms! Take out his kneecap!"

Beside her, Sun Shang Xiang and Sun Quan just stared at the small woman. The likelihood of Da Qiao _liking_ a fight ranked up there with the existence of flying pigs, a Zhou Tai with a lovely singing voice, or the discovery that Zhang He actually did like girls. The latter is something the men of Wei try not to talk about.

Sun Quan edged a bit closer to the elder Qiao. "My, my, Da. Never heard you this fired up for a fight. And you kiss your husband with that mouth?"

"I do other things with this mouth, thank you very much," Sun Quan's sister-in-law replied offhandedly. She immediately shifted back to supporting her husband. "Break his teeth! His _teeth_!"

"Uh..." Sun Quan intoned awkwardly. "Did she just...?"

"I'm just ignoring what she just said," Sun Shang Xiang answered hurriedly. "Open to interpretation and all that. _Punch him in the eyes_, _Ce_!"

"Oh, dear," Sun Quan sighed.

Meanwhile Sun Ce and Gan Ning had gotten enough of an idea of the other's capabilities that they were fighting full tilt. Sun Ce had a slight edge over the bandit in raw strength, while the cocky bandit was a slippery and agile fighter. When it came to skills, the two men were about even, considering their weapons were very different.

On that note, Sun Ce had fought just about every swordsman and their grandmother at one time or another, while tonfas were a fairly new item for Gan Ning.

Gan Ning was getting the worst of the exchange, having taken plenty of breath-stealing punches and bruising kicks, though they were hardly major injuries. Sun Ce was sporting a pair new cuts, one on his right bicep while the second oozed from his left thigh.

All the while Da Qiao was cheering loudly. She was still a bit worried about her husband's life, which is why she was distracting herself by telling him to rip off that bad, bad man's arms and beat the bandit to death with them.

Next to the elder Qiao, Sun Shang Xiang was cheering almost as hard, though she was listening to what Da Qiao had to say. Some of those suggestions just seemed odd. Didn't she know that saying "Ram him! From behind!" was kind of... awkward?

Sun Quan wasn't doing much cheering. It wasn't because he didn't care about his brother. On the contrary, since he's shared many a battlefield with his brother, Sun Quan knew how well Sun Ce fought. Besides, Sun Ce was just too stubborn to die from something as minor as having a sword shoved through both kidneys. Also, he found listening to his sister-in-law to be... educational.

Over the course of the fight, Sun Ce and Gan Ning had somehow maneuvered themselves into a foot-deep mud puddle. Having trouble keeping his balance due to the sludge and several whacks he'd taken to his face, Gan Ning made a badly-timed thrust towards Sun Ce's chest. The Wu ruler caught the blade between his tonfas and, with a complex twist, wrenched the long saber out of the bandit's hands. Before Gan Ning knew what was what, Sun Ce had gripped the smaller man by the throat and was driving punishing blows into his stomach.

"Shove that wood into him!" Sun Ce heard his wife shout. "Make him feel it! _BREAK HIS RIBS_!"

"Gosh, the innuendo is astounding," he muttered as he rocketed punch after punch into Gan Ning's torso. "And she kisses me with that mouth."

Gan Ning didn't hear Sun Ce's musings on his wife, due to the fact that he was getting walloped in the gut. He was more annoyed than hurt, though, on account that a guy with a freaking _ponytail_ was doing this to him and also because he was a bit too dumb to notice the pain when a muscular guy was doing violent and unnatural things to his abdomen. With a grunt and a twist, he managed to get a leg between ponytail-guy's feet and trip him.

They both tumbled into the mud.

Sun Ce, who was mostly uninjured, was back up in a flash, tonfas held aggressively forward. Gan Ning was back up a in flash as well, if a flash had one leg broken and had just imbibed too much alcohol.

While not an overly intelligent type, Gan Ning knew a painful proposition when he saw one, especially when the delivery boy for said proposition was muscular, angry, held twin batons, and had a silly-looking goatee.

That reminded Gan Ning he was supposed to be angry at this guy. Of course, aggression and self-preservation were both powerful thought processes, and Gan Ning struggled to decide which one should win. Eventually, the desire to not have his face broken won out, and the erstwhile bandit held up his hands in a plea.

"Ah, come on, man! You wouldn't hit a man who's weaponless, would you?" he begged, stalling for time while his mind labored to come up with something.

Sun Ce seemed to think about that for a moment. "You're right. I'm feeling a moral compunction not to punch a defenseless man's face in. Wait. No. that feeling just passed."

With certain death-by-woody-punches staring him in the face Gan Ning desperately kicked out. Having forgotten he was standing in a foot of mud, the bandit slipped up and fell, his kicking foot coming nowhere near the elder Sun's head. Fortunately for Gan Ning, who would have gotten pummeled for his pains, the impact of the pirate splashing into the puddle sent mud geysering everywhere. Sun Ce was blinded by the muck and clawed at his eyes to clear the gunk away.

Gan Ning, jumped back to his feet, and, completely by accident, plowed into Sun Ce, knocking the larger man's weapons away. Pinning the Wu general with his body, the bandit started raining punches down onto his opponent. Sun Ce had luckily wiped the mud from his face, so he could see the blows as they came down.

Unfortunately, that didn't do much, as Gan Ning had too good of a position to be dislodged. Sun Ce's face grew a bumper crop of bruises in a short while. Of course, none of Sun Ce's company were taking this lying down.

"Get up! Get up!" shouted Sun Quan.

"Don't let him beat you!" called Sun Shang Xiang.

"Oh no! My husband is on the bottom!" gasped Da Qiao. "And getting pummeled! _Get back on top_, _Ce_! _Get back on top of that bad man and pound him_!"

Gan Ning stopped his beating for a moment to glance off to the side before looking back down at the elder Sun. "Dude, do you have _any_ idea how awkward that girl of yours is making this?"

"Yeah. I'm not sure _she_ does, though."

"Well, dang. I mean, even _I_ know what she's saying is all wrong."

"So, what does _that_ mean?"

"The great Gan Ning has been called many things, and stupid has been one of them." The bandit seemed to ponder that for a moment. "Wait, no, that didn't come out right. Uh, I mean, I might be a few bricks short of a dozen, but... wait, no. Is it a few short of a load? I can't keep track."

Gan Ning had apparently forgotten about the fight and was wondering about a saying that involved bricks and loads and chickens. That is because Gan Ning was the sort of man who added two and two together and got pi. How Gan Ning knew pi is something that cannot be discussed at the moment, due to reasons of length and the fact that this story would be condemned as obscene and degenerating to the youth of this nation.

Sun Ce saw this as an opportunity and readied himself to retaliate. Of course, Sun Ce, being Sun Ce, had to throw out something snappy and clever.

"I think I really _should_ change the positioning in our relationship," he said with a manic grin. "Pounding you from up top is looking really nice right now."

Gan Ning, a bit slow on interpretation of the metaphor, just frowned at the man underneath him. "Ah, come on, not you too! Here I thought that you were a guy who actually could tell sexual innuendo from _yahhh let go of my kneecap_!"

Gan Ning proceeded to shout a continuous torrent of obscenities as Sun Ce wrenched the bandit off. Da Qiao paused in her vocal support of her husband as she actually listened to what Gan Ning was saying. With a horrified look the elder Qiao clapped her hands to her ears and squeezed her eyes shut. "Oh!" she whimpered. "Oh, my virgin ears! Is it even legal to say those things?"

Sun Quan blinked. Then he commented, "I would make some snide remark about the virginity of Da Qiao's ears and give some outlandish advice on how Sun Ce could change that, but I think the two of them would kill me."

"Let's not do that," Sun Shang Xiang said to her brother distractedly. "I can actually stand you most of the time."

"Thanks, I guess."

"Take it or leave it."

"Right."

Having dislodged the bandit, Sun Ce was locked in a clinch with Gan Ning, the two men slithering and squirming through the mud. Despite the fact that Sun Ce was trying to rip his arms out, Gan Ning was keeping up a constant string of curses even as he tried to slam the larger man's head into the mud. Between their violent motions and the slippery mud, the two men quickly lost their upper garments and were battling it out half-naked.

"Don't let the lubrication stop you!" Da Qiao cheered, though her voice was slowly trailing off. "Get your slippery self back on top of that man and... and..." Da Qiao fell silent.

Sun Shang Xiang noticed this and nudged the shorter woman. "Da? You all right?"

The elder Qiao just made shook her head. Shang Xiang noticed that the other woman wasn't moving her head enough that she lost her view of the brawling men.

Gan Ning, swearing the entire time, had yet to repeat himself once.

"Da?" Sun Shang Xiang asked. "Da? What's wrong?"

"I... I'm feeling very guilty right now," the smaller woman said in a trembling voice.

Sun Shang Xiang was perplexed at that. "Guilty. What do you mean, _guilty_?"

Finally Da Qiao stopped her gaping and looked into the taller woman's eyes. "I'm enjoying the sight of this fight far too much than is proper for a married woman."

Sun Shang Xiang stared at her sister-in-law. "Oh, brother."

Meanwhile, Gan Ning—who still had not repeated himself—finally lost the battle and was immobilized in a hold that would have delighted female viewers or people of the Zhang He persuasion. The pirate attempted to break free, but was helpless in Sun Ce's grasp.

"Oof! Get off me!" Gan Ning shouted. "You beat me! Leggo!"

"I don't think so!" Sun Ce said, although he did let Gan Ning go. "Why the hell is a guy with your kind of talent picking on innocent people? You should be in an army!"

"Well, I am, kind of," Gan Ning said, scratching the back of his spiky head, "I'm a general in Liu Biao's army, in Huang Zu's division. But I've had enough of him bossing me around and not paying me jack shit, so I figure picking on other people's a good healthy way to get my anger out."

"That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard," Sun Ce said, shaking his head. "Hey, why don't you come fight in my army?"

"What army?" Gan Ning asked, raising an eyebrow. "I don't see anything… they're not invisible, are they?"

Sun Ce made a face. "I'm Sun Ce! Former ruler of Jian Ye! But that son of a bitch Yuan Shu beat us down and took my land. Now we're headed back there to search for any survivors."

"How much?" Gan Ning asked.

"How much what?" Sun Ce asked.

Gan Ning eyed him strangely. "Gold! How much are you going to pay me!? You don't expect me to fight for free, do ya?"

Sun Ce groaned. "Aw, c'mon! Whatever happened to strength and honor?"

"That's old school. Strength and honor don't put food and wine in my stomach," Gan Ning said with a grin. "What's your best offer?"

"We don't have any money, do we?" Sun Ce asked.

"No," Da Qiao said, "Nothing but the clothes on our backs."

"I'll take the clothes on THEIR backs," Gan Ning chuckled, gesturing towards Da Qiao and Sun Shang Xiang.

His response was answered with three icy glares and a disappointed frown (Da Qiao).

"Ease up, I was joking. So, no money, huh? Well… you guys might be a bunch of losers now, but hey, what the hell, I'll stick around," Gan Ning said. "Beats being Huang Zu's bitch by a long shot."

"That's the spirit!" Sun Quan commented, making a face.

"When did you become King Sarcasm?" Sun Ce asked, looking at his little brother.

"I call them as I see them," Sun Quan replied.

That flew over Gan Ning's head. "By the way, I'm Gan Ning of the Bells," he added.

"You mean you wear those stupid things on purpose?" Sun Shang Xiang asked incredulously. "You purposely announce your location to the entire battlefield?"

"They strike fear in the hearts of my enemies!" Gan Ning snapped.

"Oh, yeah, "here comes the bell man, let's all piss our pants"," Sun Shang Xiang mocked. "Terrifying!"

Da Qiao sighed. "Hey, stop arguing, you two!"

"Humph. The _pretty_ lady agrees with me," Gan Ning smirked.

Sun Shang Xiang was outraged. "I don't like the way you say pretty!"

Sun Ce rolled his eyes.

"So you're telling me a man wearing BELLS snuck up on us and we didn't hear him?" Sun Quan asked, still dwelling on the bells. "Father must be rolling in his grave…"

"Hey, lay off the bells already!" Gan Ning snapped, "They didn't do anything to you!"

"Well, you're in our army now, and announcing our location to the enemy is idiotic! So throw 'em away!" Sun Shang Xiang ordered.

Gan Ning gasped. "Take it back!"

"ENOUGH ALREADY!" Sun Ce shouted. "Geez, Shang Xiang! You're going to scare him off before he makes himself useful!"

"Why do I always get blamed for everything!?" Sun Shang Xiang whined.

"I'm not feeling very welcome," Gan Ning complained.

Sun Ce groaned. "For the record, Gan Ning… this is my little brother, Sun Quan; my little sister, Sun Shang Xiang; and MY LOVELY WIFE, Da Qiao. We're all that's left of our kingdom."

"Well, considering your Princess, I can see why," Gan Ning said. "You guys wouldn't happen to have any food, would you? I'm starving!"

Sun Quan glanced at his elder brother. Perhaps recruiting a new general wasn't the best idea… another stomach to NOT feed…

-

I wish I could claim responsibility for the entire chapter, but the awesomeness of Chapter 3 is partially credited to Shadow's Forge. If I don't credit him he'll never let me hear the end of it, so here we go. Forge wrote most of the Gan Ning vs Sun Ce scene, if you liked reading that, go check out his series "Eternal Warriors" and review it! REVIEW!

And review my story too. XD Don't forget to do that.


	4. Not All Pirates Are Good Seamen

A/N: I put this story off for so long I almost forgot what I wanted to do with it. XD

Onward with Chapter 4!

I shortened Chapter 3 and lengthened Chapter 4. Now they're equal. Go figure.

-

That night, Sun Ce and his generals—err, rather, his little brother and sister, his wife, and his _only_ general—set up camp to rest for the night.

"I'm cold," Sun Quan sighed, "Isn't there anything to build a fire with?"

"You could use all the grease in bandit boy's hair," Sun Shang Xiang snapped.

"For your sake, lady, I'm not gonna respond to that!" Gan Ning shot back. "And for the record, this blows! I never would have signed up for this if I knew there wasn't any food!"

Sun Ce thought for a minute. "Hey, technically I'm still in charge here. Gan Ning, you're good at surviving in the wilderness, aren't you? Go get us some food!" he ordered.

"From where?" Gan Ning asked, "Food doesn't grow on trees, you know!"

The look of utter disgust on the faces of his companions was enough to get Gan Ning moving. Grumbling under his breath, he grabbed his sword and sulked off.

"Now let's leave!" Sun Shang Xiang said, "Good lord, brother, are we that desperate that we're going to start recruiting MORE random bandits?!"

"We need all the help we can get. He might be a pain in the ass, but he's a great swordsman," Sun Ce said, shaking his head.

About an hour later, Gan Ning returned. With two tiny fish.

"TWO FISH!?" Sun Shang Xiang cried, "TWO FISH!? Who's that going to feed!?"

"I can just throw them away if you don't want them!" Gan Ning snapped, "I don't want to hear it, girlie! I'm used to hunting for one! I don't have a fishing pole and this is the best I could do!"

"Well, get used to hunting for five!" Sun Shang Xiang shouted.

"She's not very personable, is she?" Gan Ning asked Sun Ce.

-

Sun Ce's forces rested for the night, and the next morning were awakened at the crack of dawn by the eager young Conqueror.

"Hey, hey! Get up, everyone, let's get a move on!" Sun Ce shouted, smacking his tonfas together to make noise, "C'mon, up and at 'em, troops!"

"GO AWAY," Sun Shang Xiang groaned.

Sun Ce squatted down next to his little sister and leaned next to her ear. "GET YOUR BUTT UP, SHANG XIANG!" he shouted, sending the former Princess jumping into the air with a loud shriek.

Of course, what goes up must come down, and Sun Shang Xiang landed and promptly punched her brother in the arm. "Don't DO that!" she shouted.

Sun Ce sighed. "Why can't you be more like Da Qiao? She's been up since sunrise!"

"She probably didn't get any sleep at all, having to listen to you snore all night," Sun Quan groaned, tying his hair up and placing his Imperial hat on top of it, sliding the bar through to keep it in place. He wasn't an Imperial anything anymore, after the purging of the Wu kingdom; he still wore it out of habit.

"I don't snore!" Sun Ce protested.

"Yes, you do! I remember when it used to thunder at night, the three of us would climb into Father's bed, and most of the time, your snoring kept me awake rather than the thunder!" Sun Quan said, shaking his head.

"Oh, yeah!" Sun Shang Xiang said with a laugh. "I forgot we used to do that! And Ce, your snoring could wake the dead."

Da Qiao giggled.

Sun Ce reared on her. "Hey, Da! Don't laugh at their stupid jokes! You're supposed to take my side!"

"But you do snore, darling," Da Qiao said, with a smile.

Sun Shang Xiang looked around suspiciously. "Hey, where'd that pervert Gan Ning go?"

"From what I remember, YOU tried to flash HIM, sister," Sun Quan reminded. "That does not make one a pervert."

Sun Shang Xiang's face turned red (with rage, not embarrassment). "Shut up! He couldn't tell I was a girl! And he was hitting on Da Qiao! He's a pervert and a jerk!"

Sun Ce rolled his eyes. "Whatever! Where the hell did he go?"

"I'm over here!" Gan Ning shouted, from the thicket of trees. "Look what I caught!"

Sun Ce's eyes lit up. "FOOD!?" he asked hopefully, "C'mon, guys!"

-

Gan Ning was holding two men prisoner against a tree; both men wore crimson and gold armor. One of the men was young and the other was middle-aged, and both were glaring at Gan Ning.

"I already told you, we SERVE Lord Sun Ce! We're not going to assassinate him!" the younger man shouted.

Gan Ning sneered. "Yeah, like hell I'm gonna believe that! We'll see what Sun Ce says!"

"That's LORD Sun Ce to you! And if you point that sword at me again I'm going to shove THIS sword so far up your—"

Sun Ce came bursting into the small clearance in the forest, followed by Sun Quan. "Where's the—" His face broke out into a big grin. "Hey! Dong Xi, Ling Cao! What's up?"

"We're being held hostage, Lord Ce," Ling Cao said.

Dong Xi looked eager. "Can I kill this guy?"

Gan Ning looked at Sun Ce, then at Dong Xi and Ling Cao, then back at Sun Ce. "Crap."

"Gan Ning, you captured these two? By yourself?" Sun Quan asked, astonished.

Gan Ning snorted. "Well, they weren't too hard to capture…"

"Why you—"

Sun Ce interrupted Dong Xi. "Ling Cao is one of my kingdom's veteran generals, and Dong Xi is a kickass warrior in his own right. If you captured BOTH of them, you really must be phenomenal, Gan Ning!"

Gan Ning's eyebrows shot up. "These guys are two of your BEST? Geez, you really DO need my help!"

Dong Xi raised his sword menacingly, as if he was going to run it through Gan Ning, but one look from Sun Ce made him stop.

"This is great!" Sun Ce said cheerfully, "We'll get Jian Ye back easy with all of us!"

"Maybe just me! I'm not too sure about these guys," Gan Ning laughed.

-

Sun Ce prided himself on being a pretty agreeable guy, but he was about to go postal.

It had been almost a week since he regained consciousness and found out his land, the lands of his ancestors, had been yanked out from under him by Yuan Shao's forces. Being in exile wasn't the problem, _unfortunately_.

His newest recruit, Gan Ning, simply wasn't getting along with Sun Shang Xiang and Dong Xi. In the ex-pirate's defense, Dong Xi was still angry about being captured earlier, and Sun Shang Xiang was doing whatever she could to annoy him, a trait she'd probably picked up from Ling Tong. Sun Ce didn't blame Gan Ning for getting irritated.

Unfortunately, Gan Ning wasn't one to bend over and take inordinate amounts of crap from people who weren't his boss, so he wasn't being very agreeable either. The bickering was getting intolerable.

Da Qiao and Sun Quan looked as though they were about to jump in the river and kill themselves. Even Ling Cao, whose own son complained more in one hour than normal people did in a week, looked like he was about to hang himself.

"OKAY, YOU TWO, SHUT UP!" Sun Ce shouted, rearing on his little sister and Gan Ning. "Do you two ever stop bickering!? What are you arguing about NOW!?"

Sun Shang Xiang put her hands on her hips. "This _idiot_ says he forgot his ship back in Jiao Zhi! He wants to turn around and go get it! I told him he was an idiot!"

"How can you forget a SHIP, Gan Ning?" Sun Ce asked incredulously.

"I didn't forget it!!" Gan Ning said defensively. "What!? It wasn't gonna fit in my pocket! That thing's my pride and joy! I'm not gonna leave it behind for the looters to steal!"

"You know, he's got a point," Ling Cao commented. "It would be inconvenient to turn back and get it, but we could sail up the river and return to Jian Ye faster."

"Unless we get attacked by naval forces," Dong Xi pointed out.

Sun Quan scowled. "I don't want to hike all the way back to Jiao Zhi! Do we even have enough food rations to last the trip!?"

"I have food on my ship," Gan Ning said.

"Gee, maybe you can go fishing again," Sun Shang Xiang said, referring to the lousy catches Gan Ning kept bringing back to camp every night.

Gan Ning reared on her angrily; Sun Ce got between them.

"Cool it, you two! Gan Ning, is this ship really worth turning back for? It'll be at least three days to get back to where we first found you," Sun Ce said.

"You mean where he attacked us," Sun Quan corrected.

"Don't you start too!" Sun Ce said warningly.

Gan Ning folded his arms thoughtfully. "Well, I docked it about two days before I found you guys. I found some little punk wandering around, and I roughed him up a little."

"I thought you said you weren't a bandit!" Da Qiao said.

"I'm not! He didn't have any money, so I left him alone!" Gan Ning said quickly. "Now that I mention it, I think I remember him saying something…"

"Big deal! Where's the damn ship!?" Sun Shang Xiang demanded.

"HMMM… LET ME THINK HERE," Gan Ning said in exaggerated thoughtfulness, obviously trying to piss Sun Shang Xiang off. (It was working). "Like I said, I docked it when I saw that kid wandering around. He was wearing a pretty nice uniform, I figured he was an officer or something and he had money."

Sun Ce's eyebrows shot up. "What color?"

"Red. Looked like yours, kind of," Gan Ning said.

"What'd he look like?" Sun Ce asked with a groan. "Did he have long hair and a red headband?"

"Nah, he had a ponytail," Gan Ning said, "Came charging at me with these nunchuck-looking—ARRRGH!" he shouted, when Sun Shang Xiang lunged at him and grabbed him by the collar of his vest.

Ling Cao had been right behind her, but Sun Shang Xiang got to Gan Ning first. "YOU IDIOT! THAT WAS LING TONG!!" Sun Shang Xiang yelled. "Where'd he go!? What happened to him!? If you hurt him I swear I'm gonna kill you!"

"Get off me!" Gan Ning shouted. "I roughed him up a little and he took off!"

"That's enough, both of you!" Sun Ce said sharply. "It's inconvenient as hell, but I think Ling Cao's right. It's best if we pick Gan Ning's ship up, then we can travel faster."

Sun Shang Xiang groaned. "Brother, you really want to go all the way back? What if there's still some of our friends back in Jian Ye? The faster we get home, the faster we can assemble an army!"

"I know, Shang Xiang, but it's still too far to walk to Jian Ye. Besides, nobody fears seven people walking around. People fear ships!" Sun Ce said confidently. "Gan Ning, lead the way!"

Gan Ning nodded. "Right! You got it!"

-

Approximately three days later…

"There it is!" Gan Ning yelled. "Alright! It didn't get stolen!"

"Who'd steal a floating pile of moldy wood anyway?" Sun Quan muttered. Sun Shang Xiang laughed.

Sun Ce didn't hear either of them. "You didn't lose the key to the cabin or anything, did you?"

Gan Ning laughed. "Are you forgetting who you're talking to, Sun Ce? I'm Gan Ning! Master of the Sea! LOOK OVER THERE!" he suddenly shouted, and Sun Ce turned around. Gan Ning used the distraction as an excuse to search the inside of his vest. He still had the key.

The recently renewed Sun Ce Army boarded the ship. It was a sturdy looking naval ship, with a long wooden body and wooden railings. The little wooden building to the rear of the ship was the main cabin. It wasn't the same design as the Imperial naval fleet ships.

"What kind of ship is this?" Sun Ce asked.

"Huang Zu's fleets are all custom designed, which sounds good but is actually pretty stupid, you can see us coming a mile away," Gan Ning said, digging for the key again. "Shoot. Where did I put this damn thing…"

"Hey, I thought you were quitting Huang Zu's army!" Sun Shang Xiang said.

"So?" Gan Ning asked, unlocking the door.

"Well, isn't he going to come after you? You're not going to be very difficult to find if you're still using his ship!" Sun Shang Xiang pointed out.

"I'm willing to take that risk, as long as we don't have to walk anymore," Sun Ce commented.

"I second the motion," Sun Quan complained.

"Huang Zu's army's full of pansies anyway. I wouldn't get your panties in a twist over it," Gan Ning said, swinging the door to his cabin open. "Hey, nobody stole anything!"

"Wasn't the door locked?" Da Qiao asked.

"Yeah, but I left the windows open," Gan Ning told her, slamming the door shut again.

"Never would've pegged you as a neat freak," Sun Ce commented.

"I'm not. I don't have much stuff to mess up," Gan Ning replied, "Just a bunch of clothes and food.

"Well I have to say I'm impressed," Sun Shang Xiang commented. "I thought this place would be a dump."

"There's plenty of room underneath the ship if you've got a problem," Gan Ning snapped. Sun Ce shot them both warning looks.

"Alright, Gan Ning, let's get the hell out of here," Sun Ce said, "And that's an order!"

"You got it, boss," Gan Ning replied with a salute.

-

Ling Cao's "the ship will save us traveling time" theory hadn't proved accurate yet. The Sun Ce Army had been sailing all day now; it was almost nightfall, and the crew was beginning to get a little more than irritated at their captain.

"Alright, I've had enough of this! Where are we going!?" Sun Shang Xiang shouted, her hands on her hips. "And why is it so hot this far north anyway? It's never this humid back home!"

"Woman, would you knock it off with the third degree!? I can't concentrate!" Gan Ning shouted, still studying the map. "Uh, Sun Ce?"

"What?" Sun Ce asked nervously. "You're not about to tell me we're lost, are you!?"

"NO!" Gan Ning said defensively. "I just don't know where we are!"

"That means we're lost!" Sun Ce said exasperatedly.

"GREAT," Sun Shang Xiang groaned. "We put our trust in the man who wears bells to ambush people!"

"It worked, didn't it? You guys sure didn't hear me coming!" Gan Ning snapped.

Sun Ce scowled. "Gan Ning, turn this ship around and get us on the main channel! Shang Xiang, zip it!"

Gan Ning got angry. "I've never been any further north than Xiang Yang! I've never been to Jian Ye! How the hell am I supposed to know how to get there!?"

"Wonderful. Just wonderful," Sun Shang Xiang said angrily. "What kind of pirate doesn't know his way around the sea!? What happened to being Gan Ning, Master of the Sea!?"

"Would you shut your trap? You're not much of a lady, are you?" Gan Ning snapped. "We follow the northern coastline and we're at Jian Ye! Get off my back about it!"

"Really, Shang Xiang, you've been quite obnoxious today," Sun Ce commented.

"Make it stop," a very seasick Sun Quan moaned from the other side of the ship, holding his stomach and resting his head against the railing.

Da Qiao had been tending to him all day, rubbing his back while he threw up. "Maybe you should go lie down," she suggested.

"Ugh… that sounds like a good idea," Sun Quan groaned. "Is there a bed?"

"Yes, but YOU'RE not using it!" Gan Ning interrupted. "Sleep on the floor! I don't want you puking in my bed!"

"You really shouldn't talk to him like that," Da Qiao scolded.

"Pfft," Gan Ning replied.

"I am about to feed all of you to the fish!" Sun Ce said angrily. "Dammit, Gan Ning, maybe we should just anchor the damn ship and try again tomorrow?"

Gan Ning made a face and tossed the map over his shoulder. "We can anchor it, I guess, but that's a dumb idea… Jian Ye's to the north, right? The North Star comes out at night."

"The North Star?" Sun Shang Xiang mimicked. "What is that, a pirate fairy?"

Sun Ce cuffed the back of his sister's head (lightly). "It's the biggest star in the night sky and it always leads north!" he told her. He looked up at the sky. "Well, judging by our lovely sunburns, it hasn't been very cloudy today, so we'll probably have pretty good visibility with the star. Let's push on!" he decided.

"Fine by me," Gan Ning said. "And quit whining about the sunburn, you all were looking pasty anyway!"

-

The sun was beginning to rise by the time land was in sight again. Unfortunately, everyone on deck had fallen asleep, and they didn't notice the giant stone walls built along the coastline they were about to crash into.

CRASH.

Immediately, Gan Ning and Sun Ce jumped to their feet. "What the hell was that!?" Sun Ce asked, rubbing his eyes to wake himself up.

"We hit something," Gan Ning said, jumping up and running to the other side of the ship. "DAMMIT!"

"Where the hell are we?" Sun Ce asked.

"Er… you don't know?" Gan Ning asked sheepishly. "This isn't Jian Ye, is it?"

"NO," Sun Ce replied, "It's NOT! Dammit, Gan Ning! You're the worst naval captain ever!"

"I'm the best FREE naval captain you'll ever find!" Gan Ning shot back. "Go wake everyone except your sister up! We gotta get the ship out of this rock wall."

"Why everyone but Shang Xiang?" Sun Ce asked curiously.

"Because she pisses me off. Hurry up!" Gan Ning ordered.

Annoyed, Sun Ce huffed into the cabin. Stupid jerk. I'm the boss here, not him! "Hey! Guys! Wake up!" he yelled.

Groggily, everyone began to sit up, grumbling and complaining after their long night on the floor. Da Qiao (the only one Gan Ning had allowed to use his bed—his justification was everyone else smelled bad except for her) sat up in the bed and yawned, stretching.

Annoyed, Sun Ce banged his hand on the wooden wall. "Come on, guys, up and at 'em! Hurry up!"

"Are we home yet?" Sun Shang Xiang asked, sitting up with a groan. "Ew, Quan, get away!" she yelped, noticing her older brother sleeping next to her.

Sun Quan sat up, looking annoyed. "I'm not going to projectile vomit all over you!" he snapped.

"Enough of the bickering, you two! We crashed somewhere and we have no idea where we are! And by "we", I mean Gan Ning!" Sun Ce explained.

"Looks like we're in a tribal area," Sun Quan said, stepping off the ship behind Sun Ce. "Perhaps the barbarian regions?"

"Oh, great," Sun Shang Xiang grumbled.

"Let's get the ship outta here before we get any visitors!" Sun Ce decided, "C'mon, guys, let's—"

"Who goes there!? Who do you think you are!?" shouted a deep-voiced tribal man, standing on top of one of the stone walls. He was holding a spear and he was surrounded by many other tribal warriors.

"Great. Looks like we've got company," Sun Ce groaned.

-

Aaargh, this was one of those boring filler chapters. Sorry :( Things'll get interesting again next chapter! The team has to navigate through Nan Zhong and we get to meet Meng Huo! (because it isn't a story without Meng Huo!)

The ending of this one was pretty lame, but I was just so eager to get it finished so I could get the story going again I decided I didn't care. Next chapters will be better, I've got the good stuff planned, so stay with me! :)

That's it for chapter 4; any suggestions, comments, criticism, advice, praise, whatever, is all appreciated, if that's your idea of a good time. :D


	5. Welcome to Nan Zhong, Population YOU DIE

Chapter 5!

-

On a scale from one to ten, this situation was not good.

No, really. Sun Ce shot a nervous glance towards his wife and younger sister; although he knew Sun Shang Xiang was perfectly capable of defending herself in a fight, she'd left her weapons on board Gan Ning's ship.

These Nanman men were tall, with dark skin and various tribal tattoos, different than Gan Ning's; they were carrying wooden spears with sharp-looking arrowheads, and one of the more important looking men carried a large ornately decorated halberd.

Sun Ce was either sincerely hoping Gan Ning knew the language around here, or the Nanmans spoke the vernacular…

"Who are you? Why you come to our land?" the Nanman leader asked haughtily. His speech was slow and cautious; he probably had trouble speaking the regular language the Northerners spoke.

"Name's Gan Ning," Gan Ning said, stepping forward. Sun Ce noticed his sword was still hooked on the belt he wore across his hips. Clearly he didn't think these Nanmans were much of a threat. Either his cocky demeanor would come across as humility, or it'd piss off the natives.

"We don't mean any harm," Gan Ning continued, "We're just shipwrecked. Give us twenty minutes and we'll be outta here."

The Nanman leader looked Gan Ning up and down. Sun Ce did notice the similarities between Gan Ning and the Nanmans; Gan Ning's complexion wasn't anywhere near as dark as the Nanmans, but he had crazy tattoos all over his arms and he had a feather sticking out of his hair, just like they did.

"Fine. By sundown you leave," the Nanman leader said flatly, "And do not think we not check!"

"Gotcha," Gan Ning replied. "We'll be outta here before sundown."

"We going," the Nanman replied, and they went back into the marshes where they crawled out of.

"Way to go," Sun Ce commented, breathing a sigh of relief. "I thought we were goners for a second there."

"Nah, these guys don't want to fight," Gan Ning said, waving his hand dismissively. "They're just way protective of their territory." He folded his arms. "So what's the plan? Get the ship going and get the hell out of here?"

Sun Ce tapped his chin thoughtfully. "You know… I wasn't planning on approaching the Nanman king for an alliance so soon, but the way I see it, we're here, right? No sense travelling back to Jian Ye only to double back and come here again."

"Capital city's to the north," Gan Ning said. "And I'm not sailing you guys out here again! Either make the alliance now or find another captain!"

"I think we'd be better off sailing on our own, considering we had no intention of coming to Nan Zhong in the first place," Ling Cao commented. Gan Ning shot him a dirty look.

"Ce, an alliance is all good and fine sounding… but we don't have any land!" Sun Quan pointed out. "They won't ally with us if we don't have a cause! They'll laugh us out of the throne room!"

"We do have a cause!" Da Qiao said brightly. "We want to unify the land under Ce's rule, right?"

"Well, that's the common plan, but, uh, ix-nay on the unification talk, darling," Sun Ce said, drawing a line across his throat. "They'll take it the wrong way, they'll think we're here to kick ass and take over."

"That comes later," Dong Xi nodded.

Sun Ce groaned. "Enough talk about slaughtering the Nanmans! Sheesh! I mean, if we were _really_ here to kill them all, then I'd just say, "Hey, look everyone, I see some Nanman warriors! Let's all get our weapons off the ships and go kill them all!"

"Uhhh, Ce?" Sun Quan said nervously.

"What, Qu—OW!" Sun Ce shouted, turning around. His eyes widened. "Uhhh—"

The Nanman leader with the halberd had struck the back of Sun Ce's head. Luckily since Sun Ce had a skull that was impregnable by any weapon, he was fine.

"You guys heard that, huh?" Sun Ce said sheepishly, "It was sarcasm, I swear—"

The Nanman leader apparently had no use for sarcasm. He swung again. Sun Ce ducked and threw a punch into the man's chest.

BANG.

"OWW!" Sun Ce yelped, "What the hell do you have on under there!?"

"Nanman armor is impermeable!" the Nanman leader smirked.

"Impermeable, huh?" Sun Ce snapped, "Well, looks like my name's _permeable_!"

"Ce, that was awful!" Sun Shang Xiang called, making a face.

Sun Ce ignored his sister's critique and instead took a step back from the Nanman leader. "Look, I didn't mean any offense by what I said, we're just here, alright? We're… uh… tourists."

"Tourists do not wear armor!" the Nanman leader replied. He turned around. "Jinhuan Sanjie! Ahui Nan! Bring your forces!"

"NO! No need for the forces!" Sun Ce shouted nervously, "C'mon, guys, let's just talk this out! Mano a mano!"

Gan Ning groaned. "And they say I'm the dumb one."

"Shut up!" Sun Ce barked. He looked back towards his team, all of them looking more frightened than the next (except Gan Ning, who looked ready to go). Pride or no pride, it was foolish to stick around while his family and friends were still unarmed. He couldn't handle an entire army barehanded.

"I've got a better plan. RUN FOR IT!" Sun Ce bellowed.

Immediately, his entire "army" ran away screaming like ants towards the forests of Nan Zhong. Gan Ning was the only one intelligent enough to run to the ship; realizing he was alone, he looked at Sun Ce and shrugged.

Sun Ce looked back over. The reinforcements the original Nanman leader called on were beginning to show up. Sprinting as fast as his legs would take him, Sun Ce ran on board the ship, snatched up his tonfas, and turned tail and ran towards the forests along with Gan Ning.

-

"Oh you've gotta be kidding me!" Sun Shang Xiang shouted, kicking the ground angrily. "Where the hell did everyone go?!"

This just isn't my day! Sun Shang Xiang thought angrily. All those idiots take off without me and they all go in separate directions!

Well, they'll figure out I'm gone eventually… right?

What she wouldn't give for a weapon right now…

-

"HEY!" Sun Ce shouted, following after Gan Ning. "Ning, where the hell are you going?!"

"I dunno! I'm just running!" Gan Ning yelled, over his shoulder.

Sun Ce groaned internally. Well, at least he's honest. He caught a glimpse of something red in the corner of his eye and stopped.

Sure enough, the red glimmer was the sunlight reflecting off one of Da Qiao's hair ornaments. With a big grin, Sun Ce turned to his left and began running towards his wife, as silently as he could to avoid triggering any ambushes nearby.

"Da!" he said, throwing his arms around his wife.

Da Qiao promptly screamed and drew her fans on him, but before she could subsequently hack his face open, her eyes lit up. "CE!"

"It's so good to see you, baby!" Sun Ce said, hugging his wife tightly. He looked at her fans. "You carry those with you now?"

"Yes, I decided carrying a weapon was important after the whole Dong Zhuo attempted kidnapping ordeal," Da Qiao said, nodding. "But where the heck are we, Ce?"

Sun Ce chuckled at his wife's language before shrugging. "Hell if I know. I think Gan Ning—oh, shit," he growled.

"Dear!" Da Qiao scolded.

"I forgot to tell Ning to stop running," Sun Ce said sheepishly.

Da Qiao's eyes widened. "Will he be alright?"

"Him? Are you kidding, he's like Mr. Survival," Sun Ce complained. "We're the ones who're screwed!"

"Well at least we can make our last moments meaningful as we die in each other's arms," Da Qiao said mournfully.

Sun Ce had to blink a few times. "Da, that was beautiful!" He made a face. "We're not gonna die! Don't let yourself get sucked into defeat! We can beat this, as long as we stay positive!"

Da Qiao nodded brightly. "I believe in you, Ce!"

Sun Ce grinned. "We'll get through this, Da, don't you worry! With me around, what could possibly go wrong!?"

-

Meanwhile, on the complete opposite end of the Southern forest, currently holding the Sun army captive, a very mournful chant could be heard.

"We're gonna die, we're gonna die, we're gonna die," Sun Quan and Dong Xi groaned, as they hiked through the forests.

"It's like these forests never end," Ling Cao sighed. Being Ling Tong's father, he was quite used to being stuck in the same situation as whiny teenagers, but Sun Quan AND Dong Xi were beginning to wear down even his iron nerves.

"I wonder what happened to Ce," Sun Quan mused. "I'd hate to die without being able to somehow blame him for this ordeal."

"Somehow blame him? It's his fault," Dong Xi complained. "If he wanted us to run towards the ship, he should have said something! We don't even have our weapons, if we get attacked

I'm going to have to kill them all with my bare hands!" He looked down at his hands. "Actually that sounds kind of enjoyable, I look forward to that—"

"Boys, come on," Ling Cao said, "It's not over yet, as long as we're still alive we can—" His boot caught underneath a tree root and sent the older general toppling over.

"Are you alright?" Sun Quan asked, crouching down to help Ling Cao up.

Ling Cao groaned as he got back to his feet, shaking his head. "We're gonna die."

-

Sun Shang Xiang growled in pure fury as she stormed through the Nanman terrain alone. That moron Gan Ning had mentioned that the capital city was to the north, but she didn't know where the north was!

So much for the tomboy princess, she thought with a growl. Her cheeks and arms were sunburned, her legs were aching from hiking through this ridiculously complicated terrain all day—first there was sand, then mud, and now MORE sand—and that didn't even count the tree root obstacle course she got her foot trapped in—and the inside of her mouth tasted like sand, then mud, and now sand again. She never thought she'd miss the taste of mud so much.

Not to mention she still didn't have a weapon. She tried to fashion herself a spear out of a tree branch she found, but unfortunately, said tree was still attached to the tree; and when she grabbed it, it snapped forward and hit her in the face. So she was angry and she had a big red welt across her face. Or so she imagined. She hadn't _actually_ seen it.

She'd also lost one of her favorite earrings, one her late father had given her, and her red boots were soaked through with mud. Her short choppy brown hair was soaked through with sweat and rolling off her nose and chin, and even dripping down the back of her shirt, which was already sticking to her. At least she thought to wear her favorite shorts today; if she was wearing the longer shorts she'd probably be suffocating.

ARRRRRGH!

Her only consolation at the moment was at least that stupid idiot Gan Ning wasn't here to—

THUMP. Someone ran right into her, sending her toppling into a nearby pit of mud.

"AAAAAAAAAAARGH!" Sun Shang Xiang raged, spitting out a mouthful of mud. She clawed her way out of the mud pit and began wiping gobs of it off her face away from her eyes. "WHOEVER YOU ARE, YOU ARE SO FRIGGEN—" She groaned. "Oh you've gotta be kidding me!"

Gan Ning seemed to realize he ran into someone, but he didn't seem to care enough as he looked around. Apparently he saw raging pits of mud every day, and the one to his left wasn't enough to win his attention.

"HEY!" Sun Shang Xiang yelled, "Don't you dare ignore me!"

"I'm trying to!" Gan Ning growled. "Shut up!"

"This is all your fault anyway!" Sun Shang Xiang accused, pulling herself out of the sinking mud pit and trying to wipe the mud off her clothes. Her boots were beginning to stick to the ground with every step she took.

Gan Ning ignored her.

"What are you even doing!?" Sun Shang Xiang shouted. "And why didn't you attack those idiot Nanmans? You had a sword, why'd you make my brother do all the work? You're all bluff and no buff, aren't you?"

"Every time you open your big mouth, you prove how stupid you really are!" Gan Ning said impatiently. "I know how the Nanmans function. They're a giant family, you piss off one of 'em, you've pissed off all of 'em! A head-on attack will NOT work here! So, like I already said, SHUT UP!"

"How dare you," Sun Shang Xiang snarled, absolutely enraged at this point, "How dare you talk to me like that! I'm—"

"A princess of an invisible kingdom? Sorry, girly, until I see a throne room, I'm not bowing down to anything," Gan Ning retorted. "Are you coming or would you rather run your big yap all day?" Not waiting for an answer, he started heading off in the direction of MORE trees.

He is infuriating! Sun Shang Xiang thought, her fists shaking in fury. I swear, one of these days… but I guess I should follow him, considering he might have some idea where we're going, and that's more of an idea than I have—

"Would you hurry up!? If you fall behind you're getting left behind!" Gan Ning shouted.

-

"HEY!" Sun Quan shouted, "Look! CE! CE CE CE CE CE CEEEEEEEEEEE—"

"WHAT!?" Sun Ce bellowed, from across the forest. "Good lord Quan I can hear you from—QUAN!" He grabbed Da Qiao's hand and ran towards them, covering the distance in under a minute.

"Good to see you alive and—OOF!" Sun Quan grunted, as his older brother threw his arms around him, "Ow, Ce, get off!"

"I will do no such thing! Not 'til I'm done huggin' you!" Sun Ce beamed. He finally released his younger brother. "Hey, Dong Xi, Ling Cao, you guys okay too?"

"Just fine, my Lord," Ling Cao said, nodding.

"Oh, this is wonderful, everyone's back together again!" Da Qiao said happily, "Now we can escape this horrible place as a—"

"Hold on, where's Lady Shang Xiang?" Ling Cao asked, looking around.

Sun Ce and Sun Quan exchanged glances. "She's not with you?" Sun Ce asked.

Sun Quan shook his head.

"Oh, no," Sun Ce groaned, "We lost our little sister in the middle of nowhere!" He sunk to the ground, his face in his hands. Da Qiao patted his shoulder comfortingly.

"Where's Gan Ning?" Sun Quan asked.

"I lost him too," Sun Ce wailed. "I suck at leading… I suck at older brother-ing… I suck at—"

"You do not suck!" Da Qiao shouted, losing her temper. "You made a mistake! Everyone makes mistakes!"

"Speaking of mistakes, isn't that how Shang Xiang entered this world anyway?" Sun Quan asked thoughtfully.

"That was you, Quan," Sun Ce corrected.

Sun Quan groaned. "Right. I was the accident. I've always been the chopped liver son. Nobody ever pays attention to the accomplishments of Sun Quan. Hell when I'm dead and buried, my epitaph is going to say, "Here lies Sun Quan, the man who took half the inheritance money from his older brother!" He gritted his teeth furiously.

Sun Ce and everyone else was watching him blankly. Sun Quan sighed. "I'm done."

Sun Ce groaned, standing up. "So what the heck are we gonna do now? What're the odds Shang Xiang hooked up with Gan Ning somewhere?"

"Ew, I didn't want those images in my head," Sun Quan complained.

"I think what my darling meant to say is, Shang Xiang and Gan Ning are together as in, rendezvoused somewhere in the forests and are working together for the greater good of escaping this terrible place," Da Qiao offered.

"That's exactly what I meant," Sun Ce said, rubbing his temples. "Oy. You people are giving me one hell of a headache."

-

"Where are we even going?" Sun Shang Xiang asked. "We can't make an alliance without my brother, he's the ruler!"

Gan Ning answered her, which he hadn't been doing much of. Mostly just ignoring her and trying to control his prime instinct to strangle her. Sun Ce probably wouldn't be too happy if he murdered his little sister.

…then again, she was pretty damned annoying, Sun Ce might be happy.

"Are you listening to me!?" Sun Shang Xiang demanded.

"Woman, if you ask me that one more time—" Gan Ning swallowed his rage and scowled. "We're going to the capital city, I'm friends with the Nanman King and Queen. If they remember me, they'll help us find Sun Ce and everyone else. If they don't remember me, we're screwed."

"Such reassuring words," Sun Shang Xiang complained. "Well, luckily for you, you're kind of hard to forget."

"That better not be an insult," Gan Ning growled.

"For the sake of us not killing each other, it wasn't," Sun Shang Xiang huffed. "It's so hot out! And how the hell am I getting sunburned when we're in the forest!?"

"Because pampered little girly Princesses like you don't spend any time outside," Gan Ning rolled his eyes. If he was going to be stuck with a whiny girl all day, it sure would've been nice to get stuck with the cute one instead of the loud one…

-

"Hey, do you see that?" Sun Quan asked.

"No," everyone grumbled.

"Quan, you finally stop singing, and now you're hallucinating," Sun Ce groaned. "Just shut up and walk, alright, buddy? We're all miserable out here, you're not making it any easier—"

"What!? No! I'm serious, I think I see something!" Sun Quan insisted. "What harm is there in looking, Ce!?"

With an exasperated groan, the Little Conqueror turned around and looked in the direction his brother was pointing. "I don't see anything."

"Wait, I think I do," Dong Xi said, squinting, "Uhh, looks like… oh, crap, looks like an army. We're going to get attacked."

"Then let's run for it!" Da Qiao said fearfully.

"Why doesn't Dong Xi just kill them all with his bare hands?" Sun Quan suggested, "He was going on about that earlier—"

Dong Xi shot Sun Quan a dirty look before looking at Sun Ce. "What's the plan, Ce?"

Sun Ce sighed. "We're going to run. WAIT!" he screamed, before his entourage ran off like an army of retarded chickens with their heads cut off. "Hold your horses! We're all going to run in a NEAT, ORDERLY FASHION! A retreat, if you will! Sun Ce's army doesn't run with their tail between their—OW!" His eyes widened, and he stumbled forward.

"LORD SUN CE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Da Qiao screamed, fully prepared to re-enact the infamous DW4XL scene that made her the target of Sun Ce fangirls worldwide. However, Sun Ce didn't seem to be dead, only very pissed off.

"OW!" Sun Ce said, outraged, "Who the hell shot me with a friggen—"

Immediately, several Nanman guards leapt from the trees, surrounding everyone's favorite group of screwed over Dynasty Warrior characters and generics. They were all carrying long tubes (get your heads out of the gutter) and holding a handful of what looked like a dart.

"Surrender!" one of the ponytailed men shouted.

"NEVER!" Sun Ce yelled, "I will never surrender! Never! Never! Nev—" In mid-posture, Sun Ce suddenly froze; without another word, he stumbled forward a bit, before collapsing to the ground.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Da Qiao shrieked again, apparently determined to act out that scene. Perhaps if she read some of the YouTube comments and the various evil deeds fangirls wanted to do to her as a result of that scene she'd be much less eager to enact it, but that's for another story entirely. She ran to her husband's side and frowned.

"He's… he's asleep!" Da Qiao cried, outraged. "CE! This is no time to be sleeping, wake up!"

"He will not wake up!" the dart shooter promised. "He will sleep… _for eternity_!"

Da Qiao shrieked again. The dart shooter laughed. "No, just for a few hours. Not for eternity."

"I still say we run for it," Sun Quan muttered. He earned a couple dirty looks. "What!? They have sleep darts!"

"What about my Ce!?" Da Qiao demanded, her hands on her hips.

"I'd love to say I told him so, but he can't hear me!" Sun Quan growled.

"Meat buns," Sun Ce snored loudly.

Da Qiao face palmed. "Well, I'm the leader in my husband's stead, so I'm in charge! We have no choice but to surrender!"

Everyone fell over. "WHAT!?" Dong Xi raged, "Lady Da, are you serious!? Sun Ce would never want to surrender, you heard his speech before he, err, fell asleep—"

Da Qiao turned on Dong Xi furiously. "Do you dare disobey my commands, DONG XI? Perhaps you'd like a nice sleep dart as well!?"

"She scares me," one of the Nanman soldiers muttered.

Da Qiao turned back towards the Nanman soldiers. "We will go with you, as long as you promise not to kill us," she said, smiling sweetly at the guards.

Luckily, Da Qiao's beauty was radiant and pretty much irresistible, not to mention the overall cuteness about her; so the Nanman soldiers decided such a woman was incapable of trickery.

Boy were they in for a surprise. Da Qiao might not be capable of brutal physical violence like Sun Shang Xiang was (or at least, as far as she knew) but she had one heck of a tactical mind behind that pretty face of hers.

"Right this way," the dart-shooter said, looking down at Sun Ce, "but we're not carrying the fatty!"

[A/N: I don't care if the dart hasn't been invented yet; everyone does the whole "ZOMG THERE'S A GUY BEHIND YOU—THUNK—O WAIT NOT NEMORE" shtick. I bet you didn't see a dart coming! And it's perfectly likely the Nanmans have some crazy herb that makes you fall asleep or whatever. Use your imaginations. :)]

-

The sun was beginning to set on Nan Zhong; in one way this was good, and in the other, it was horrible.

It was good news for our sunburned Princess; her cheeks, nose and chin were currently the same color as the red bandana protecting her forehead from sharing the fate as her other features. To make matters worse, her hair had been thoroughly soaked through with mud and sweat, so various drippings would roll down her bangs and land on her face, usually encouraging more pain.

Her arms and thighs were burned as well; her calves were sticking to the inside of her boots, and the soles of her boots were so filled with mud and sand it was a miracle her feet hadn't shriveled up.

The only thing keeping her optimistic—or at least quiet—was Gan Ning's presence. He didn't say anything to her, either remaining silent or swearing profusely depending on the circumstance. Sun Shang Xiang refused to let this big jerk look down on her any longer.

Sure, she realized today there was much more to being a so-called tough girl than having short hair and a spunky girlish attitude, but that didn't mean she was a wimp. She'd just had… a couple misfortunate adventures, that was all.

She grunted as she yanked the hem of her shorts down again; the inseam of the red shorts she was wearing were ridiculously high, and kept riding upwards, causing her to pull them back down again.

Gan Ning had taken his vest off earlier, and had it tied around his waist; she had the view of the muscles in his back to stare at while she walked, and as much as it disgusted her to say, he looked pretty—no, ridiculously good. His back was all sweaty too, and even his pants were beginning to stick to his legs, giving the Princess a good view of his posterior as well.

Well that's something going for him, Sun Shang Xiang thought grumpily, very much wishing she could reach into her head and strangle her girly hormones. She was so transfixed watching Gan Ning's shoulder and back muscles flex that she didn't realize she was traversing through yet another tree root obstacle course…

…until she tripped over it, screamed, and landed on her chin.

She bit her lip furiously, running her tongue across her teeth. Well she didn't lose any teeth. That was a plus. Still, her leg was throbbing—she managed to roll over on her side and she whimpered.

A rogue tree branch had been pressed against her leg, and when she rolled over, it impaled her right calf. She squeezed her eyes shut to force back the tears.

"What'd you do now?" Gan Ning asked, turning around. "For a woman of royalty you sure are a—" He stopped, apparently noticing her leg. "You alright?"

"Do I look alright?" Sun Shang Xiang hissed. "Oh, OW!" She stuck the base of her hand in her mouth, bit down, and pulled her leg free.

Gan Ning winced.

Sun Shang Xiang moved her hand to her wound, pressing down against it to try and stop the bleeding. She groaned and began to unlace the top part of her boot, and rolled it down to the base of her ankle, wincing when it rolled over her wound.

"Ow," she finally said.

Gan Ning and his big mouth apparently had nothing to say on the matter, but she didn't expect or want any sympathy from him anyway. She untied the yellow sash she wore on her belt, and began to wrap it around her bleeding leg.

"God dammit," she muttered furiously. "Whatever it is you're about to say, I don't want to hear it!" She looked over at him and was surprised he'd at least crouched down to look at her.

Gan Ning folded his arms. "Well you're gonna hear this. Don't tell me you can't walk now!"

Sun Shang Xiang glared at him. "I can walk just fine!" she snapped, awkwardly getting to her feet, trying to balance her left foot on a stable part of the ground that wasn't covered in gnarled roots. She stood upright and smiled proudly, before stumbling and frantically propellering/pinwheeling her arms to stay on her feet. Sheepishly she lifted her right leg up and kept her weight on the good one.

"Maybe I should hop," she added lamely.

Gan Ning groaned. "Get on," he said, standing up and turning around.

Sun Shang Xiang stared at that same bare, sweaty, muscled back that was responsible for all her pain and trauma—well, at least the leg related pain and trauma, everything else was definitely her fault—and felt herself blush. "Wh-what!?"

"If we're gonna be at the capital city by nightfall, we've gotta pick up the pace and you're too slow as it is! Get on!" Gan Ning said. He didn't sound as nasty as he did before, but Sun Shang Xiang was still a bit nervous.

She knew he was right, and that was the only thing encouraging her to put her hands on Gan Ning's shoulders and hop onto his back. Being the youngest and the only girl, she'd been able to sucker piggyback rides from her father, brothers, Ling Tong and Zhou Yu more times than she could count growing up, but she was a bit embarrassed accepting one from some ex-pirate she barely knew and barely liked.

"OOF," Gan Ning grunted, straightening his back and glaring at her over his shoulder. "For the record, you're heavier than you look."

Sun Shang Xiang scowled, hitting the back of his head angrily. "Shut up! I'm in a prime position to beat the ever-loving shit out of you from here, ya know!"

"You're a sassy one," Gan Ning commented. "For the record, I can't stand sassy women!"

"Oh zip it," Sun Shang Xiang complained. "I don't like you either, if it's any consolation."

-

About two hours later, Sun Shang Xiang was still overstaying her welcome on the Gan Ning express, but they'd gone the past ten minutes without snapping at each other, which was a refreshing pace. Her leg was throbbing with pain, and when she was in pain she liked to take it out on other people. Share the love and all.

Pair that up with Gan Ning's take-no-crap attitude, and they had one hell of a combination here. At least he wasn't boring.

"What was that?" Gan Ning asked.

"I said, at least you're not boring," Sun Shang Xiang said. She frowned at the back of his spiky head. "That was a compliment, pointy."

"_Pointy_?" Gan Ning repeated incredulously. "Like you're one to be talking, Princess."

"Don't call me Princess!" Sun Shang Xiang whined.

"I didn't mean Princess like your royal title or whatever, I meant Princess as an insult," Gan Ning smirked. "You're a purebred royal pain-in-my-ass brat."

"Hmph," Sun Shang Xiang scowled, "Well, you're… you're a dirty pirate. Don't you ever wash your hair?"

"It doesn't flatten anymore," Gan Ning replied. "Consider it fighting a losing battle."

"Eww," Sun Shang Xiang whined. She looked up ahead. "Hey, what's that?"

"What are you, blind? It's a giant palace!"

"Well, I can't see it!" Sun Shang Xiang complained, "I can't see in the dark!"

"I don't know what the hell I did to get stuck babysitting you," Gan Ning grumbled. Sun Shang Xiang smacked the back of his head and he chuckled.

The courtyard of Nan Zhong palace was very impressive, at least from what Sun Shang Xiang could see. It was so wonderful to see some sign of civilization after being stuck in the forests for so long, however, that she probably would've cheered at just about anything. But this place had some really impressive architecture. Giant stone arches and walls, carved wooden statues, a pile of bodies in the front—Uhh, ew—and lots of flowers and other tropical plants. The ground also had a brick layered foundation now, instead of being just irregular piles of dirt and sand and god forbid tree branches.

"Are you sure we're not going to be attacked?" Sun Shang Xiang asked cautiously, looking around the impressive Nan Zhong courtyard.

"Yeah, don't sweat it," Gan Ning replied, "Then again it's been six years since I've last been here, maybe the place is under new management." He adjusted her on his back and groaned. "You think you can walk already!? I'm sick of carrying you!"

Sun Shang Xiang growled under her breath. "I'd rather hop than spend one more second on your stupid sweaty back!"

-

I dragged my ass on this chapter because it wasn't turning out very good; so I scrapped it and completely re-wrote it. I really like how this chapter turned out, and I hope you do too!

I tried to make Sun Shang Xiang a bit more likable this time around; I don't like her very much so I tend to write her as a beeyotch, but I'm working on it. After all, the Sun Shang Xiang I use is her DW4/DW5 personality, not her horrid DW6 personality. DW4 Sun Shang Xiang was cool!

And don't get the wrong idea! I was sick of having to think of new insults for Gan Ning whenever I wrote dialogue for Sun Shang Xiang, so they're on their way to becoming friends. This fic is NOT going to be Gan Ning/SSX!!

Anyway I still have big plans for this story and although I got lazy with this update, I plan to keep them coming. Xiao Qiao will be coming soon; I'm not sure as of when, but she's the life of the party, she'll be here before ya know it. :D

As usual, please review; I welcome all criticism, regardless of whatever it is you want to say. Bring it on!


	6. Three Suns over Nan Zhong

Chapter 6~ this update took a lot longer than I thought I would, bleh. The Nanmans are in this chapter :D

When we left off, Gan Ning and Sun Shang Xiang were just getting out of the forest and just starting to get along; Sun Ce was put to sleep and everyone else had been taken prisoner, and the Nanmans were just about to kill them.

-

"I can't believe how we always manage to get ourselves trapped in these horrible situations!" Sun Quan seethed.

"Quan, please calm down," Da Qiao begged, looking down at Sun Ce, who was still snoring and mumbling something about meat buns in his sleep. "You're going to wake Ce up and we all know how grumpy he becomes when he wakes up—"

"That's another thing! Why is he still asleep!?" Sun Quan asked. "If we're awake, sweating to death in this… this… this CAGE, why does he get to sleep the day away?"

"Because if he wakes up we'll have two grumbling Suns instead of one?" Dong Xi offered. His remark earned him a dirty look from the middle Sun.

"Today just keeps getting better. First, we crash the boat; then we get lost in some horrible forest; and NOW we're prisoners of war!" Sun Quan complained.

"Lord Quan, I've known you since you were a little boy, and I never remember you complaining _quite_ this much," Ling Cao commented. "You're beginning to remind me of my son, in a way I'd rather not like to remember him…"

"Well excuse me for being the voice of reason here," Sun Quan said. He turned towards the Nanman guards, who instead of sternly overlooking them, were watching the bickering with amused expressions. Sun Quan frowned. "Good to know we're entertaining you!"

"Lord Quan, don't piss off the nice guards," Dong Xi groaned.

"Why are we prisoners? We're unarmed! The only one of us with a weapon is asleep!" Sun Quan complained. "We don't mean you any harm, we just want to request an audience with the King!"

The Nanmans gasped in horror. Immediately, they drew their spears, stepped closer to the bamboo cage holding the Sun army captive, and pointed their spear heads at Sun Quan's throat.

Sun Quan eyed the sharp pointy spears nervously.

Da Qiao immediately rose to her feet to try and save her brother-in-law, but Dong Xi and Ling Cao very quickly pulled the young lady back down to the ground. Sun Ce might be okay with Sun Quan being executed and devoured by the Nanman king but he'd beat everyone in a ten mile radius to pulp if something happened to his wife. (Well, okay, he'd be upset if Sun Quan was to be devoured too.)

"He is the GREAT KING!" The taller, burlier-looking Nanman guard raged. "How dare you… you… you _Northerners_ refer to him as any other such title!"

"How the hell were we supposed to know?" Dong Xi complained. "We've never been here before! If you people have such strict rules of etiquette around here, post a damned sign!"

Ling Cao groaned. Hot-headed, big-mouthed young adults would be the end of him.

-

"So you're really friends with the Nanman king?" Sun Shang Xiang asked.

Gan Ning groaned. "For the tenth time, YES, and for the thousandth time, _get off_, even you can probably walk by now! I'm sick of carrying you!"

Sun Shang Xiang made a face. Truthfully speaking she'd gotten over her discomfort pretty early and was enjoying her ride through the Nan Zhong courtyard.

"I wonder how long it took to build all this," she said, changing the subject.

"It wasn't all here five years ago," Gan Ning commented, "They must've gotten attacked and rebuilt the whole place or something. And subject changes ain't gonna work on me, girlie, get off!"

Sun Shang Xiang groaned. "Oh, fine." She hopped off Gan Ning's back and reluctantly discovered she could walk again. Seeing Gan Ning glaring at her, she grinned sheepishly. "It's a miracle?" she offered.

Gan Ning just made a face. "Let's go already." He headed up the large stone stairs into the main stone building, which was decorated with bamboo terraces, laced with pretty flowers and tropical plants.

Sun Shang Xiang had to admit, she was impressed. Being a snotty upper-class spoiled Princess brat (at least, if you asked Gan Ning's opinion) her impression of the rumored barbarians to the South was dismissive. But she would admit when she was wrong, and she certainly had misjudged the Nanmans.

At least, unless they forgot who Gan Ning was and promptly strung them both up, to borrow an expression from her oldest brother.

"Ce!" Sun Shang Xiang said suddenly.

"Gan Ning," Gan Ning corrected.

"I know who you are! I was talking about my brother!" Sun Shang Xiang said, "Whatever happened to them!?"

"I dunno… they're probably lost in the forest, or maybe they got eaten," Gan Ning said thoughtfully. "Lots of animals and stuff around here."

"WHAT!?" Sun Shang Xiang shrieked. "Something couldn't have eaten my brother! Ce, I mean, I can understand if something wanted to eat Quan—but, but, but—"

Gan Ning groaned. "Enough of the shrieking! Sooner we talk to Meng Huo, sooner we can find them and get the heck outta here!" Ignoring her further protests, he headed forward up the stone stairs to what Sun Shang Xiang assumed was the Imperial—err, Nanman—throne room.

-

"Hey, where the hell is everyone," Gan Ning complained, looking around at the completely deserted throne room.

Sun Shang Xiang shrugged. "Heck if I know. Maybe they're on vacation?" she suggested. Gan Ning looked at her strangely before rolling his eyes.

Sun Shang Xiang folded her arms, making a face. This guy had absolutely no sense of humor. He and Ling Tong would probably hate each other.

I wonder how mad Tong would be if his dad gets eaten by a rabid Nanman beast, Sun Shang Xiang thought, absentmindedly tousling her short hair and making a face as a glob of dried mud fell out of it. I hope we run into him soon… I sure miss h—

Sun Shang Xiang's thoughts were interrupted in the span of half a second when a short-handled knife suddenly whizzed past her ear and stuck in the wall behind her.

Well, it never failed; even when someone _thinks_ about Ling Tong, something bad happens. Sun Shang Xiang would've questioned the irony if she wasn't busy, y'know, being attacked. She rightfully screamed. "Wh-what the hell was that!?" she shrieked.

Gan Ning turned around. "What the heck are you—" His face lit up. "Hey! Zhu Rong, how's it goin'?"

Sun Shang Xiang turned towards where Gan Ning was looking, and she tilted her head in confusion. She'd expected the Nanman ruler to be a bit… er… well, not a woman, in other words.

This woman did not look like a domesticated spoiled royal snot nose. She was tough, muscled, and tanned, meaning she probably spent many a Nanman day out kicking someone's ass. She was also carrying a knife that matched the one that nearly lobotomized the Wu princess. Despite her questionable taste in attire (barely anything), she looked like a hardass.

"Gan Ning!?" the woman, Zhu Rong, asked incredulously. "I don't believe it!" She turned around. "Honey, honey! Get in here!"

Sun Shang Xiang had never been so confused in her life, and she promptly jumped again when the ground began shaking. She scooted over towards Gan Ning. It was probably too much to ask that he'd protect her from whatever menacing evil was about to step through the doorway, but at least whoever was coming would kill Gan Ning first and give her enough time to run for it. Or something.

Strangely enough, Gan Ning was watching with a big eager smile on his face (weird to see him smiling like that). He didn't look scared at all; then again, he _was_ a couple arrows short of a full quiver. Sun Shang Xiang hesitantly reached for him to grab onto, in case she had to throw him in front of her, but paused when the guest of honor walked into the room.

"Alright, alright, I'm comin', sweetheart, where's the fire?" a giant man asked, waddling in to the throne room. He was HUGE; he wasn't very tall, but he was a dark-skinned Nanman with a large crown-like thing on his curly black hair.

"I don't believe my eyes," the huge guy said, staring at Gan Ning.

Sun Shang Xiang instinctively grabbed Gan Ning's vest and gulped nervously. "Um, Ning, I think we'd better—"

"Hey, don't tell me the Great King forgot about me!" Gan Ning grinned, folding his arms. "How ya been, big guy? Eating well, I see…" He looked behind him at Sun Shang Xiang, who was staring at him, wide-eyed. "Would you get off me? We're fine!"

Meng Huo's bearded face lit up in a huge smile. "GAN NING!? C'mere, my boy!"

Gan Ning's grin got bigger and he ran into Meng Huo's arms. Meng Huo laughed and hugged the younger man, and judging by Gan Ning's yelp of pain hugged him a bit too tightly.

"AAARGH," Gan Ning grunted, as Meng Huo promptly hugged the hell out of him, swinging him around.

"It's good to see you, boy!" Meng Huo laughed, "How've ya been?"

"Dying," Gan Ning choked, "I can't breathe, Huo, leggo!!"

"Oops." Meng Huo released Gan Ning, who took a giant gulp of air, before bursting out laughing and hugging Meng Huo again.

"Um, sweetheart," Zhu Rong said, watching with amusement, "I don't think he can breathe, darling!"

"Oh, right!" Meng Huo let Gan Ning go.

Sun Shang Xiang wanted to laugh. Give or take about two hundred pounds, King Meng Huo seemed more like a lovable daddy than a barbarian king. Then again, he had yet to find out why her brother's army had trespassed on their land. Yikes.

"Don't you wanna hug me too, Zhu Rong?" Gan Ning asked with a grin.

Zhu Rong rolled her eyes. "Not particularly, kiddo. But what the heck are you doing here?"

Meng Huo smiled. "You're always welcome here, Ning, my boy! But… what the heck are you doing here? You never come to visit!" He frowned. "We have a holiday in your honor, boy, the least you can do is come out and help us celebrate—"

Gan Ning grinned. "Hey, c'mon, I'm a busy guy! Actually we came here by accident, the idiot sailing my ship directed us off-course and instead of landing in Jian Ye… we wound up here!"

"By "idiot" he means himself," Sun Shang Xiang corrected. Meng Huo and Zhu Rong looked at her curiously. Gan Ning took a step backwards and aimed a light smack to the back of her head. Sun Shang Xiang kicked him with her good leg.

"Well, who do we have here?" Meng Huo asked, grinning. "Ning, this your girl? She's cute!"

"NOOOO," Gan Ning said firmly, shaking his head. Sun Shang Xiang blushed. "I joined up with her brother's army. We got stuck out here."

"Your brother?" Meng Huo asked, surveying Sun Shang Xiang. "Well, you sure _look_ like one o' them city girls… you never been in the sun before?"

Sun Shang Xiang blushed again, but luckily her cheeks were so sunburned it was hard to tell. "We don't get this kind of sun in Wu," she muttered.

"Oh, that's bull, it's the same sun wherever you go," Zhu Rong said. "Who's your brother?"

"My lord!" shouted a Nanman guard, entering the throne room behind Gan Ning and Sun Shang Xiang, "We bring before you a lowlife scum who dares to trespass on Nan Zhong! And he disrespected you, my Great King!"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAT!?" Meng Huo roared, promptly scaring the heck out of the Wu princess. "Bring 'em here! I'll show 'em to trespass on my land!"

Sun Shang Xiang gulped. Good thing she was here with Gan Ning… she blinked for a second. Wow. Never thought she'd ever find herself thinking _that _appalling thought.

The Nanman guard bowed quickly and stomped back outside the palace; he and three other guards promptly returned, leading on a lead line (Sun Shang Xiang noted it was _not_ a standard prisoner lead line, but instead a really thick piece of twine) and as the prisoner came into view, her jaw dropped. So did Gan Ning's.

"Quan!?" Sun Shang Xiang cried. "What the heck did you do, Quan!?"

Sun Quan apparently didn't notice his little sister, so friggen frightened of the giant three-hundred something pound man before him, and the frightening yet hot woman standing next to him.

"WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOIN' ON MY LAND!?" Meng Huo roared.

Alright, time for some of his famous negotiating. Sun Quan had been called the brains of the Sun family (now that he realized it, being told he was the smartest between Sun Ce, himself, and Sun Shang Xiang wasn't much of an achievement. His siblings were both… well, idiots, but he loved them all the same) and now sure would be a good time to back that up. He didn't want to be barbarian food.

Time to go with a safe plan. "It's all my brother's fault!" Sun Quan complained.

Sun Shang Xiang did a face palm. So much for the "brightest of the Sun family" or whatever nonsense Sun Jian had told Sun Quan to make him feel better when Sun Quan was experiencing "middle sibling chopped liver" syndrome. Sun Ce was the awesome, Sun Shang Xiang was the baby, and Sun Quan was the, err… yeah. Anyways.

"My name is Sun Quan! I hail from the lands of Wu. Our land was taken from underneath us, and that began this… this never-ending cycle of torment and misery! And then that _idiot_ Gan Ning crashed the ship here, and we got lost in these ravenous forests, and… and…" Sun Quan actually looked pretty close to frustrated tears. "Oh, if you're going to kill me, just do it already! I'm not so enamored with my miserable life that I'm going to beg!"

"I'm sick of you snot noses calling me an idiot!" Gan Ning raged. "I managed to get here alive, didn't I? You idiots are the ones who go and get yourselves captured!"

"Hey, in the defense of Sun Shang Xiang, I didn't get captured," Sun Shang Xiang interrupted.

"Yeah, all thanks to me!" Gan Ning snapped. Sun Shang Xiang admitted he had a point (mentally, of course, she sure wasn't about to stroke his ego).

Meng Huo made a face, ignoring the squabbling at looking at Sun Quan. "So… what the heck did you do?" The Great King seemed to be at a loss. He looked at Sun Quan's imperial robes. "You have pants on under there, right?"

"I DON'T EVEN KNOW," Sun Quan groaned, "All I asked was to request an audience with the King!" He eyed Meng Huo strangely. "And yes, I have pants on, what does that have to do with anything?"

"Not wearing pants in Nan Zhong is illegal," Gan Ning informed him. "They only have two laws here, wear pants and always, always, always, _always_ refer to Meng Huo as—"

"YOU CALLED ME WHAT!?" Meng Huo raged. "That's GREAT KING to you, boy!"

Gan Ning nodded.

"Noted!" Sun Quan said, looking terrified, "I didn't know! You really should post these kinds of things so visitors know not to make fatal errors and wind up in this situation—"

"He's got a point, honey," Zhu Rong said, patting her husband's shoulder. She looked at Gan Ning. "We dropped the "wear pants" rule from the Nan Zhong legislature years ago, by the way, too many people were dying from heat stroke."

"So why the hell did he ask?" Gan Ning asked, looking confused.

Zhu Rong shrugged. "He's wearing a dress! I would hope he's got pants under there!"

"It's not a dress! They are imperial robes!" Sun Quan wailed.

"YOU DON'T NEED IMPERIAL ROBES WHERE YOU'RE GOIN, PAL," Meng Huo roared.

"EEEP!" Sun Quan wailed, all manliness and dignity apparently out the window.

Sun Shang Xiang decided it was time to speak up in her brother's defense. Although she preferred him to believe otherwise, she did love her big brother and she'd be very unhappy if he were to be fed to lions or something. Also, if she ever saw him squeak like that again, she'd have to set her brain on fire. That was just weird.

"Great King, please spare my brother," Sun Shang Xiang said pleadingly, "I know you don't know me and you have no reason to believe what I say, but he didn't mean any harm. Quan's just…" She tried to think of the right word. "Well, he's a dork, for lack of a better word. But we love him anyways."

"Thanks a lot," Sun Quan complained. "I mean, uh—right, yes." He did a double-take. "Shang Xiang!? What the hell are YOU doing here!?" He looked nervous. "You, uh, didn't hear me squeak back there, did you?"

"Quan, shut up! And yes, I did, and I'd better never hear it again!" Sun Shang Xiang hissed. She looked back at Meng Huo. "Whatever he did he didn't mean, please don't feed him to the lions!"

Meng Huo chuckled. "We're not going to feed him to the lions! We don't even have lions."

Sun Quan breathed a sigh of relief. Phew. Chalk one up to his little sister~

"We're gonna feed him to the TIGERS!" Meng Huo roared.

"WHAT!?" Sun Quan squawked.

"You can't feed him to the tigers!" Sun Shang Xiang wailed, "Our father was a tiger! The sense of irony would be sickening!"

Meng Huo, Zhu Rong, and Gan Ning all eyed the Sun siblings strangely.

"Er… if your father was a tiger, exactly _what_ was your mother?" Meng Huo asked.

"HE WASN'T REALLY A TIGER!" Sun Shang Xiang groaned, "He just called himself one—"

"Well my wife's the Goddess of Fire and she really IS!" Meng Huo boasted.

"Tigers beat Goddesses of Fire any day!" Sun Quan retorted, even though he was really in no boat to be talking. Team Tiger was at about zero points today. The late Sun Jian would be hiding his face in shame right about now.

"WOULD ALL OF YOU SHUT UP!? THIS ISN'T A COMPETITION!" Zhu Rong raged.

"Oy, Meng Huo, he's harmless, seriously," Gan Ning piped up, "He's Sun Ce's brother, we all got separated when the boat crashed—"

"You mean, when you crashed it," Sun Shang Xiang reminded.

Gan Ning glared at her. "Let that live forever!" He turned back to Meng Huo. "He's useless, big guy, if he wasn't with Sun Ce he'd have been eaten by now."

"What is this, the Pick on Quan chapter?" Sun Quan complained.

"No, that's every chapter," Sun Shang Xiang corrected.

Sun Quan sighed. "This always happens to the pessimistic sarcastic characters. I should consider a path of straight talking optimism."

"Tell that to Ling Tong," Sun Shang Xiang added.

Meng Huo shrugged. "Ah, whatever. You're free to go. JUST DON'T EVER DO IT AGAIN OR I'LL KILL YA!"

"Oh glorious day," Sun Quan said, jumping to his feet, "Now will someone be so kind as to untie my wrists."

"Thank you for saving my brother, Great King!" Sun Shang Xiang said gratefully, crossing over towards Sun Quan. She poked the back of his head painfully. "Nice going, Quan!"

"Ow!" Sun Quan complained. "Dammit, Shang Xiang, I am your older brother and you have to respect me!"

Sun Shang Xiang ignored her brother, picking at the knot binding his hands together behind his back. She stared at it. "It's tied like a shoelace!"

"You try untying a shoelace from behind!" Sun Quan said, indignant. He sighed. "I'm never going to hear the end of this, am I?"

"Nope."

Meng Huo watched the squabbling siblings for a moment before shrugging. "Hey, sweetheart, isn't the feast about ready?"

Zhu Rong tapped her chin. "Which one? The snack or the actual dinner banquet?"

"The dinner!" Meng Huo said cheerfully, "I already had my snack!" He looked at Gan Ning. "You kids want to join us?"

"I dunno about them but I'm starving," Gan Ning said, nodding, hooking his sword back on his belt. "Oy! Hurry up you two!"

-

"Whoa," Sun Shang Xiang said, wide-eyed. She should've figured a guy as big as Meng Huo would eat his own weight, but the amount of food piled up on that table in such a short amount of time was incredible!

She didn't even recognize half the food, but whatever.

"I'm so hungry I don't even mind the fact that that thing is staring at me," Sun Quan said wistfully, gazing at the food.

"Well, take a seat and dig in, kids!" Meng Huo said cheerfully.

-

"Ugggh," Sun Ce groaned, sitting up. He rubbed his head, not recognizing his surroundings.

"DARLING!" Da Qiao squealed, leaning over him and beaming at him, "Oh, you're finally awake!"

"Yeah," Sun Ce said, rubbing his butt. "I don't remember falling asleep though…"

"You were shot with a sleep dart!" Da Qiao explained.

"A _what_?" Sun Ce asked, but Dong Xi interrupted.

"Lord Ce, not to be a killjoy here, but we have a problem. We got captured by the Nanmans and they're going to kill us all at sundown," Dong Xi explained. He looked at Ling Cao. "I didn't leave anything out, did I?"

Ling Cao tapped his chin thoughtfully before his face lit up. "They already dragged Lord Quan away, I'm afraid he's probably already been executed!"

"WHAT!?" Sun Ce shouted. He got to his feet, wobbling a bit before steadying himself, grabbing onto one of the bamboo poles creating the cage. "HEY!"

The Nanmans on guard duty looked up. "Check it out, Sanjie, one of the spies are awake."

"Yeah, seems that way," yawned Jinhuan Sanjie. He looked at his accomplice. "You want to stab them or do I have to?"

The first Nanman groaned. "You make me do all the work. Are we doing genitals, kidneys or large intestines this week?"

"I think this week is genitals, then kidneys, then large intestines," Jinhuan Sanjie said. "Dream big, I know—"

"I'm not a spy!" Sun Ce shouted, rattling the bars. "Ask anyone, I'm too loud and reckless to be a spy! My name is Sun Ce! I wouldn't tell you my name if I was a spy, would I?"

"Yes, and I'm the harvest god," the Nanman guard mocked. "I don't care what your name is, boy."

"The harvest god! Good one, Nan," chuckled Jinhuan Sanjie.

"Maybe you are the harvest god! I wouldn't know!" Sun Ce complained. "Look, I'd really like to speak to the Great King— the almighty, Great, wonderful King," he added, trying to guarantee there wouldn't be TWO Sun family brothers on the chopping block tonight.

Jinhuan Sanjie and Ahui Nan gasped. "You dare insinuate that a scum prisoner will address the Great King!? Where do prisoners get off these days!?"

"Alright, you have me at prisoner, but I AM NOT SCUM," Sun Ce shouted indignantly, rattling the cage bars furiously. "Sheesh, you guys sure don't mess around, do you?"

"Give it up, Lord Ce," Dong Xi groaned.

"I never give up. I'm Sun Ce, dammit," Sun Ce said shortly. He squatted down, took his wife's hand, and stood up again. "Look at this lovely face. Does this look like someone who could do—or even consider doing—any evil?"

Da Qiao giggled, blushing. "Oh, Ce!"

Jinhuan Sanjie sighed. "Well, she is very pretty, I'll give you that. Tell you what, we'll talk to the Great King for you."

"Really!?" the prisoners asked in unison.

"No. I was _lying_," Jinhuan Sanjie laughed nastily. Ahui Nan joined in.

"Stop getting off on torturing us," Dong Xi complained.

-

"What was your name, little one?" Meng Huo asked, smiling at Sun Shang Xiang. "It ain't often we get girls coming around here! You're not looking for a boyfriend or anything, are you?"

Sun Shang Xiang chuckled. "No, I'm here with my brother's army. I'm Sun Shang Xiang! We got routed from our homeland about a month ago, and we got kinda lost." She shot a glare over at Gan Ning. "He stinks at navigating."

"Hey!" Gan Ning shouted.

"Just throwing it out there!" Sun Shang Xiang said. She smiled at Meng Huo. "Anyway, I'm from Wu. But my brother's army got routed a while back and we got kicked out of our territory. We've been wandering for a few months now."

"Wu, you said?" Meng Huo asked, scratching his head. "Isn't that the land that kid is expanding? The Little Conqueror, Sun Ce or whatever?"

"Yeah!" Sun Shang Xiang said excitedly, "Wow! News of my brother's exploits have reached this far?"

"No, no, what's-his-face just told me earlier," Meng Huo grunted, jerking a thumb towards the right. "Pretty boy… REALLY pretty boy, now that I mention it…"

Well, the description "pretty boy" could fit about three different generals in Wu, but either way the news excited Sun Shang Xiang.

"Eyy, you! Pretty boy!" Meng Huo called, "C'mon, get over here, boy, there's somethin' you need to see!"

"I'm coming, my lord, and for the hundredth time by name is Zhou Yu, not—" Zhou Yu stepped forward from somewhere behind Meng Huo, fending off Amazon women, and was promptly cut off by Sun Shang Xiang's excited scream.

"ZHOU YU!" she cried.

"Sun Shang Xiang!" Zhou Yu exclaimed, wide-eyed. "What a surprise—OOF!" he grunted, as Sun Shang Xiang ran towards him and flung her arms around him.

"It's so good to see you!" she squealed, hopping up and down, bringing Zhou Yu with her. Zhou Yu laughed, patting her back.

"Easy there," he chuckled. He was very used to receiving tackle-hugs from Xiao Qiao, and occasionally Sun Ce given the situation. "I must say, Shang Xiang, I'm surprised to see you here!" His nose was suddenly hit with the absolute stink and he made a face. "Ugh! Pardon my rudeness, but what've you been doing, rolling in the mud?"

Sun Shang Xiang grinned, pulling back and looking down at herself sheepishly. "That and everything else," she said, smiling.

Zhou Yu nodded. "What brings you to Nan Zhong?"

"We got lost," Sun Shang Xiang replied, "Quan retreated and found Ce out cold in a garrison. Me and Da had to escape from the palace. We had to get out of there."

"Damn," Zhou Yu swore. "Yes, I was in the battle with Ling Tong and Huang Gai at the time the main camp was routed. I don't know where they got to, unfortunately. I think they might have been taken prisoner."

"That's what Quan thought," Sun Shang Xiang nodded, before grinning at the longtime friend of her family. "So what brings you out here, Yu? Kind of far for a retreat!"

Zhou Yu sighed. "Well, I retreated to the Xiang Yang province before I was able to find out where I was. Unfortunately I was no longer in close proximity to Wu, and I had heard Yuan Shao's forces had been mobilizing in Jian Ye as an away base."

Sun Shang Xiang gritted her teeth. "Dammit."

Zhou Yu patted her shoulder to calm her down. "Regardless, I had heard the Nanman people had been previously unallied. There are rumors that several forces were going to soon mobilize to try and take over Nan Zhong, so I traveled to Nan Zhong and warned the King. He, as you can assume, was very grateful for the advance warning."

"Cool!" Sun Shang Xiang beamed. "Great thinking, Yu!"

"So who's your companion, Shang Xiang?" Zhou Yu asked, glancing over at Gan Ning, who was being hugged by Meng Huo again.

Sun Shang Xiang smiled a little. "His name's Gan Ning. He attacked us when we started heading towards Nan Zhong. We didn't think to go through Xiang Yang, so we had to head through pirate territory. Anyway, he fought Ce to a draw, and Ce was so impressed he recruited him!"

"He fought Ce to a draw?" Zhou Yu repeated. "I'm impressed. That's not a feat you hear of often."

"Nope." Sun Shang Xiang frowned a little. "I didn't like him at first, but after spending almost all day with him, I guess I see what my brother saw. He's not a bad guy. Just impulsive and stupid." She grinned. "He reminds me of Ce, actually."

"Who all is with you?" Zhou Yu asked.

"The only ones who got out okay was me, Quan, and Da. We found Ce, and we all retreated south," Sun Shang Xiang said. "After Gan Ning came along, he found Ling Cao and Dong Xi."

"No one else?" Zhou Yu asked.

"No," Sun Shang Xiang said sadly. "Well, Xiao was with us, but she snuck off to go look for you." Seeing the flash of pain in Zhou Yu's eyes, she mentally kicked herself. Shang Xiang, you dummy. Why'd you go and tell him that?

She put her hand over Zhou Yu's. "I'm sorry, Yu…"

"Don't fret," Zhou Yu told her kindly. "She wouldn't be my dear Xiao Qiao if she stayed put with her hands folded, now would she?"

"Well, who do we have here!" Gan Ning cheered, coming up next to Sun Shang Xiang and grinning at Zhou Yu.

"Hm? Oh! This is Zhou Yu," Sun Shang Xiang said, "Zhou Yu, Gan Ning."

"Pleasure to meet you," Zhou Yu said, nodding at Gan Ning.

Gan Ning nodded back, still grinning suggestively at Zhou Yu. "Pleasure's all mind, little lady! Aren't you a pretty one! You're not from around these parts, are you?"

Sun Shang Xiang giggled. Zhou Yu's eye twitched, very much used to this. "I am not from these parts, I am from the lands of Jiang Dong. Furthermore, I am a man."

Gan Ning's reaction was delayed, but when it came, it certainly was a good one. His eyes widened in horror. "Oh, my—" He looked down at the bottle in his hand. "I'm drunk! Nothing else! I swear!"

"I would hope so," Zhou Yu sighed. "Leave it to Ce, I tell you."

"Don't sweat it, it happens all the time," Sun Shang Xiang told Gan Ning. "Zhou Yu's more beautiful than all the ladies in Wu combined."

"_Really_?" Gan Ning asked, scratching his head. "Sheesh. I sure picked a winning kingdom, huh?"

Zhou Yu made a face. "Shang Xiang, _stop it_."

Sun Shang Xiang giggled. "Aww, don't be so stuffy, Yu! It's a party!"

-

"Well, this isn't so bad, guys," Sun Ce said optimistically, although he sure didn't sound too positive.

"How so?" Dong Xi asked.

"Well…" Sun Ce thought for a moment. "At least we're all together?"

"I suppose that's good," Da Qiao said sadly.

"Speak for yourself, we don't have wives," complained Dong Xi.

"I did," Ling Cao defended himself. He sighed. "It would be nice to see my son before our executions."

"There's something to smile about," Sun Ce chuckled, "Tong's not here—" He grinned at Ling Cao. "I'm just kidding."

-

Somewhere in the Chang Sha region, Ling Tong sneezed.

Wiping his nose on his sleeve, he looked over at Huang Gai. "Why do I get the sudden feeling someone's talking about me?"

"Why do I have the sudden desire to hit myself with this?" Huang Gai asked, staring at his giant iron club.

Ling Tong looked confused. "What was that?"

"Nothing, nothing," Huang Gai said quickly.

-

"What did the King mean when he called you the Goddess of Fire, Lady Zhu Rong?" Sun Shang Xiang asked curiously.

Zhu Rong looked at her. "It means I'm the Goddess of Fire."

"How is that even possible?" Zhou Yu asked curiously. "From what I understand of the higher deities they don't associate much with the mortal realm."

Zhu Rong rolled her eyes. "Well, if you want to get technical about it, I'm a descendant of the Fire God. Which makes me a Fire Goddess." She looked at Sun Shang Xiang. "Well, let's take you for example, little Princess. Your daddy was Sun Jian, right? Great ruler of Wu?"

Sun Shang Xiang and Sun Quan nodded proudly.

"So that makes you a Princess, and you a Prince," Zhu Rong said thoughtfully, "Which is a null point actually, since you two spoiled babies didn't last five minutes in our jungle—"

"HEY!" Sun Shang Xiang said, outraged (Sun Quan was wise enough to not argue). "Just because my father happened to be the ruler of Wu doesn't mean I'm any less tough than a country girl would be! I can shoot and I can ride horses just as well as anyone else can!"

Zhu Rong chuckled. "Yeah I'm sure. Tell you what, kiddo, since apparently you've got some knowledge of martial arts, why don't you show me tomorrow morning? We'll have some fun with it."

"You mean a duel?" Sun Shang Xiang asked, surprised.

"No. I mean a sparring match, for fun," Zhu Rong said. "I'll show you how we do things in Nan Zhong. It's a sport around here."

"I know what sparring is," Sun Shang Xiang huffed, "We do that back home in Wu too! I accept your challenge, I'll show you how the princess of Wu fights!"

"Oy," Sun Quan groaned.

Meng Huo looked about the table. Aside from Sun Shang Xiang, who still looked angry, all the visitors appeared to be looking pretty tired. The long day had even begun to take its toll on Gan Ning (either that, or he drank too much. From what he remembered of the younger man, Meng Huo was willing to bet it was more the latter than the former.) as he was falling asleep in his seat.

"Why don't we let you kids get some rest?" he suggested. "Sweetheart here can kick you up the battle arena bright and early tomorrow after breakfast!"

"Before breakfast," Zhu Rong corrected, "Fighting on an full stomach is no good, it weighs you down!" She frowned at him. "Maybe if you'd learned that lesson before you met me we wouldn't be where we are today as far as your waistline—"

"OKAY!" Meng Huo interrupted cheerfully, and Zhou Yu fought down a chuckle. "Bedtime for everyone! Pretty boy, why don't you lead your friends up to your room and they can all sleep on the floor?"

"WHAT," Sun Shang Xiang complained, "I don't want to share a room with Quan!"

Zhou Yu nudged her gently. "All rooms in this palace are Meng Huo sized," he hissed.

Sun Shang Xiang nodded. "Right."

-

I know I warp Sun Quan's personality a bit; I overplay his bitterness and his feelings of being second banana to Sun Ce (which really only came along in DW6), but the sarcastic, melodramatic whininess is all me. He's just so boring in the games, it's more fun to play around.

And luckily there's maybe 2 Sun Quan fans out there, so nobody's really shouting OOC! OOC! OOC! at me. XD I kind of make Ling Cao like Sun Jian and Dong Xi was historically very violent (thanks for the tip, Aquatic Idealist) and since there's been no war scenes (yet) he's just a hothead.

Is Sun Quan OOC? Is _anyone_ OOC? What do you guys think?


	7. The Princess, the Queen, & Lots MORE Mud

Arrgh, this update took me longer than I expected. Ah well, on with chapter 7.

-

Sun Shang Xiang was summoned by Zhu Rong herself before sunrise. With a groan, the sleepy princess sat up in the bed she'd suckered from Zhou Yu, and looked down on the floor at her sleeping brother and friends (well, kind of in the case of Gan Ning). They were still asleep, lucky bastards.

"GET UP ALL OF YOU," Zhu Rong hollered, kicking Gan Ning mercilessly in the back. Gan Ning groaned in protest. Sun Quan and Zhou Yu woke up, both looking groggy but generally refreshed. They didn't have nightmares about being kicked up and down a battle arena by an angry Nanman queen, apparently.

Sun Shang Xiang yawned. "We're fighting _now_?" she whined, "How're we even going to see outside?"

"Just come with me, little princess," Zhu Rong said, rolling her eyes. Sun Shang Xiang grumbled at the derogatory princess cracks and got out of bed, following the Nanman queen out of the bedroom down the hall of the Nanman palace.

"In here," Zhu Rong said, opening a door. Sun Shang Xiang followed her through to see a… bunch of clothes. She tilted her head, confused.

"We've got to do something about that outfit," Zhu Rong said thoughtfully, examining Sun Shang Xiang's clothes. "Is that what you city girls wear?"

Sun Shang Xiang looked down at her clothes. As simple as they were, she was fond of her shirt and shorts. They were cute and easy to move around in. "What's wrong with them? They're cute!"

"They're horrid, they do nothing for your complexion, and they're not the proper attire of a Nanman warrior," Zhu Rong replied. She threw a pair of clothes at Sun Shang Xiang and turned towards the door. "I'll be waiting for you outside in the training arena. Hurry up."

-

"Why are all these people gathered here?" Sun Shang Xiang asked Zhu Rong, looking around the large fenced in arena innocently.

Zhu Rong smirked at the younger girl. "Let's just say I think I found a practical use for some combat training." She pointed at Sun Shang Xiang. "Let's see exactly how good you are. Come at me with everything you've got, little Princess!"

Sun Shang Xiang's jaw dropped in surprise. "What!?"

"Come on!" Zhu Rong said, turning towards her husband. "Dear, will you call the fight?"

"Sure!" Meng Huo cheered. "Now go easy on her, sweetheart!"

"No way!" Sun Shang Xiang shouted, hands on her hips. "Go easy on me at your own risk, Lady Zhu Rong! I'm not holding back!"

"That's the spirit!" Zhu Rong smiled. "I like this girl!"

Gan Ning looked surprised too. "She's gonna die. Zhu Rong beat the pants off ME a few years back."

Zhou Yu chuckled. "Don't underestimate her. She is Sun Ce's sister, remember?"

"I fought Sun Ce to a draw," Gan Ning reminded him.

Sun Quan shook his head. "You've never seen her lose it," he said, "When Shang Xiang loses her temper she becomes unstoppable."

Sun Shang Xiang lunged at the Nanman queen, deciding to cut her losses and get the crap beaten out of her as early as possible. She swung a punch at Zhu Rong's head.

Zhu Rong ducked Sun Shang Xiang's swing and kneed her in the stomach. Sun Shang Xiang grunted in pain and stumbled backwards, ducking down. She swung her left leg out and caught Zhu Rong's ankle with her foot. She pulled her leg forward, an old trick of Ling Tong's she'd picked up, and swept Zhu Rong's feet out from under her.

Zhu Rong grunted as she hit the stone ground, standing up and staring down the Princess, who glared back defiantly. She smiled. "Well, I'll be damned. You're not bad, kiddo!"

There was a series of jeers from the spectating Nanman.

"Yep, that girl is a goner," Gan Ning said smugly to Zhou Yu and Sun Quan. "Zhu Rong let her get that kick in."

"I'm sure," the other Wu officer replied, studying the fight intently. Well, half-intently. One part of his mind was analyzing how the two women moved and reacted, while another half of his mind—guiltily, since it remembered he was a married man—was fascinated by two near-naked athletic women doing all kinds of twists and turns that did some interesting things to their physiology.

Gan Ning saw that pretty boy was too busy watching jiggling ladies to make a conversation, and he didn't feel like talking to Sun Quan, so he moved over to the Nanman king. Meng Huo was quite clearly rooting for his wife, and the huge man had a lung capacity to match any three people. Their weight, too, but that was a well-known fact anyway.

Sun Shang Xiang flowed back from one of the Nanman queen's strikes and kept her distance a few feet away. She noticed that the... loincloth-skirt thing she'd been given was starting to ride up. Like, _really_ ride up. Like it was a rope. A really tiny rope. Really, really tiny rope.

Zhu Rong relaxed and stood up out of her combat crouch as she saw the Sun girl start picking at her clothes. "Having some problems?" she asked.

"Give me a second!" Sun Shang Xiang replied with a little discomfort. "How do you people _fight_ in these!?"

"What do you mean?"

"Ugh!" the princess grunted as she tried to dislodge the piece of cloth that was currently digging between her buttocks. "Two things! One, how can you people even _move_? I try taking a step and this thing has probably done permanent damage to my personal zones!"

"And what's the second?"

"How do you people take yourselves seriously? I've seen prostitutes who have more clothing on their _arms_ than this. Damn it all, I feel like a hooker!"

Gan Ning coughed, looking sheepish as he caught the princess' glare.

"Oh," Zhu Rong replied, again drawing into a fighting stance. "I thought there was a _real_ problem, like your leg wound acting up. Well, then."

The Nanman queen advanced on the smaller woman. Sun Shang Xiang interrupted her fabric-removal to—quite painfully—counter the other woman's charge. She could _not _allow Zhu Rong to get a good grip on her. Judging by the queen's muscular physique, the moment she got grappled it would all be over but the screaming. _Painful_ screaming.

She slipped to the left and tried to slam a fist into the taller woman's thigh, but Zhu Rong brought down a blocking arm just in time to parry the strike away. Sun Shang Xiang rolled away before the Nanman could tackle her.

Meanwhile, Gan Ning was also having a debate with himself.

_Not the prettiest girl out there_, _but Shang Xiang has a totally hot body_.

_She could probably kill you_, _you know_.

_Very nice_. _Athletic_, _good leggs_...

_Her brother could kill you_.

_No boyfriend to speak off_.

_Her other brother could kill you_, _too_.

_Probably energetic_. _Ooh_,_ and sex_-_starved_. _The tomboys are always like that_.

_You carried her on your back_. _While you were both sweating_. _Did you get one single erection_?

_Well_...

_She_'_s more of a friend_, _anyway_. _Why mess up a perfectly nice buddy relationship by putting your libido where it shouldn_'_t go_?

_Eh_... _well, she would have a lot of stamina_.

_She could kill you_!

_Heard you the first time_!

Gan Ning shook himself. Frowning, he looked at his raucous, royal friend. "Oi, Huo, I was thinking."

"Oh, that's something new," the large man replied. "_HIT HER_, _SWEETHEART_!"

"Ha ha, very _funny_," Gan Ning snapped. "Anyway, I was noticing..."

"I thought you were thinking."

"Whatever! Just want to point out that the princess and your wife are dressed in practically nothing and they're trying to wrestle each other. You know—"

"Shut up."

"Right."

The princess and wife in question were still going at it, albeit rather ineffectively. Sun Shang Xiang simply couldn't put enough force behind her blows and Zhu Rong couldn't quite get a lock on her opponent.

However, the Wu princess was rapidly tiring, while the larger woman seemed to have the endurance of an elephant. A mad elephant that was intent on running you the ground and trampling you. Any second now she would make a mistake and the other woman would get her.

She needed something, anything.

Her shoe slipped into something gooey. Oh, hold on a second... she'd never been happier to see a pit of mud!

Zhu Rong stopped and stared as Sun Shang Xiang seemed to trip and fall backwards into a patch of mud in the corner of their sparring arena. She knew that if she made a dash for it she would be all over the girl before her opponent could recover. All over but the screaming. She gave a triumphant yell as she bulled forward.

And slipped in the mud.

"Dammit!" Zhu Rong snarled, right before a fist rammed into her stomach.

Gasping, she grabbed at the girl's arm. In order to make any kind of punch with power behind it, Sun Shang Xiang had to be _close_, and if she was close she could grapple and end this fight. He fingers locked onto a wrist.

Until it slipped out of her grip.

Sun Shang Xiang felt the muscular woman's fingers skim over her mud-covered skin. Yes! It had worked! "Da Qiao!" she crowed. "You are the most brilliant woman _ever_!"

So she started to go to work on Zhu Rong. While the other woman wasn't a slouch when it came to simple things like punching and kicking stuff, Zhu Rong's combat style centered more on the simpler dynamic of getting in close to their opponent and choking them until they cried uncle. _She_ was a Sun princess, and she knew all about hitting things, like enemy warriors, cocky Nanman queens, and annoying pirates named Gan Ning.

Granted, sometimes the annoying pirates had nice abdominals, but she wasn't going to think about that now. Maybe later. Yeah. Later.

Zhu Rong was getting stung left and right by the quicker princess, and she felt her left leg—hit twice near painful nerve points—buckle. She slipped to her knees.

Suddenly, the Wu girl was behind her, tucking an arm into her neck and immobilizing her closest arm with the other. Strength or not, she wasn't getting out of this one.

"Okay! Okay!" she rasped. "You win!"

Dead silence among the other Nanman, Meng Huo included.

And in that silence, Gan Ning was thinking to himself again as he watched two slippery women with not much more on than a layer of mud struggling in what was a fairly... interesting position.

_Oh_, _damn it_. _You went all hard on me_, _didn_'_t you_!

_Don_'_t tell me you don_'_t like this view_!

_I didn_'_t say I didn_'_t_!

_But you just_...

_STOP ARGUING WITH YOURSELF_!

-

After getting cleaned off, the two women joined everyone else at the breakfast feast (where they were horrified to see they weren't left /any/ food; until Meng Huo just summoned a post breakfast feast).

Zhu Rong patted Sun Shang Xiang's shoulder. "I wasn't expecting to lose back there! I hate to say it but I'm impressed."

"Thanks!" Sun Shang Xiang said, "I guess I showed you city girls can fight too!"

"I guess so," Zhu Rong agreed.

Sun Quan looked up suddenly. "SHANG XIANG!" he shouted.

"What?" Sun Shang Xiang asked, eying her brother strangely. She made a face. "Don't tell me, you're surprised I won too? Were all of you betting I was going to get my ass kicked!?"

"Yes," Zhou Yu said, under his breath. Gan Ning laughed and immediately stopped when Sun Shang Xiang glared at him.

"Well, yes, but that's not what I—Ce! We forgot about Ce!" Sun Quan said hastily.

Sun Shang Xiang's eyes widened. "How'd we forget about Ce!?" she cried.

"What's a Ce?" Meng Huo asked, through a mouthful of food.

"Our brother," Sun Shang Xiang explained, "The leader of our military force!"

"Whappen to 'em?" Meng Huo asked.

"They're locked up in your prison," Sun Quan said dryly, "I'm sure I must have mentioned it at least five times during yesterday's feast."

"You mean those kids in the prison?" Zhu Rong asked thoughtfully. She looked at her husband. "The ones we ordered executed last night?"

Sun Quan, Sun Shang Xiang, Zhou Yu, and Gan Ning's eyes all widened at once. "YOU WHAT!?" Sun Shang Xiang shouted.

"Oi, calm down, calm down, the only guy who executes people immediately on orders is Wu Tugu, and he's right over there," Meng Huo grumbled. "Oi, Tugu, say hi—"

A giant, massively toned darkskinned man next to Zhou Yu smiled brightly and waved. Zhou Yu looked pale.

"Oi, one of you, go to the prisons and check," Zhu Rong said, waving her hand dismissively.

Sun Quan and Sun Shang Xiang exchanged worried glances.

-

Meanwhile, unaware of the other half of his army frolicing in the Nanman paradise lands, Sun Ce and the rest of his imprisoned army prepared for their executions at sunset. Ahui Nan and Dailai Dongzhu hadn't stopped laughing about it yet, the bastards.

"Well, like I was saying," Sun Ce said, looking at his "army", trying to keep the terror out of his voice, "We're all the Sun army and we'll stick together to the end. No throwing each other under the bus!"

"I'd never even consider such a terrible thing!" Da Qiao gaped.

Dong Xi remained silent. Apparently he'd been considering such a thing.

Ling Cao looked mournful. "I'd hoped to see my son once more before I died!"

"OI," bellowed Sun Ce, "None of this mournful we're gonna die stuff! We're going to make this the best last day of our lives ever, guys!"

Dong Xi looked annoyed. "Like how!? We're locked in a cage, in the dark, it's ridiculously humid in here, and there's only /one/ woman and she's /your/ wife! How exactly will that be fun!?"

"Dong Xi, you sound like Ling Tong," Sun Ce said, "Enough already, you're going to make Ling Cao cry!"

"Oh, don't cry, Ling Cao," Da Qiao wailed, beginning to cry herself, "I wanted to see my sister once more as well!" She burst into hysterical tears.

"I don't want to die either!" Dong Xi wailed, "But I'm too manly to cry! I—I—WAAAH!"

Sun Ce hit his head against the wall as his wife and very manly generals cried like babies. "You guys! No crying allowed on the best day ever!"

"This isn't the best day ever," Da Qiao whimpered.

Sun Ce sighed, his trademark optimism beginning to wane. "Y-you guys are gonna make me cry!"

Thankfully, the door to the prisons opened, interrupting the tear fest, and the three Wu generals plus Da Qiao looked up.

"Hey! You!" said one of the Nanman guards, either Ahui Nan or Dailai Dongzhu, "Goatee boy!"

"_Goatee boy_?" Sun Ce repeated blankly.

"You have been requested to have an audience with the Great King. You will speak to him immediately," either Dailai Dongzhu or Ahui Nan said, "lest you would rather be strung up by your innards and hung?"

"I'll talk to the king!" Sun Ce said quickly. His eyes widened in horror, remembering the fate of his late younger brother. "THE GREAT KING! THE GREAT, MAGNIFICENT, MARVELOUS, FANTASTIC, SUPERIOR, EXCELLENT KING!"

"Now we'll never see him again like with Quan!" Da Qiao cried.

"……"

"DONG XI! Don't you even /dare/ think that we're better off without Sun Quan!" Da Qiao scolded, "He's part of the family! And he's the resident deadpan snarker now that Ling Tong's gone!"

"I miss my son," Ling Cao pouted.

"……"

"DONG XI! Don't you even /dare/ think we're better off without Ling Tong either!" Da Qiao raged.

-

Sun Ce entered the great Nanman throne room, impressed. This place was incredible! If he wasn't a prisoner of war—or a prisoner of forest treachery and sleep darts, really—he'd be running around admiring everything. The plants were all different around here too.

The smell of a great feast hit his nose, and his stomach grumbled furiously. He hadn't eaten in… what, a day or something?

"Boy, I'd be praying to whatever deities that happen to like you, if I was you," said Ahui Nan or Dailai Dongzhu.

Dailai Dongzhu or Ahui Nan nodded. "Not that that's gonna do any good, since King Meng Huo's gonna kill 'em anyway…"

"I'm right here!" Sun Ce whined. "What the hell am I supposed to say anyway!?"

"Figure it out!" said Ahui Nan or Dailai Dongzhu, and he pushed Sun Ce through the double doors into the throne room.

Sun Ce nervously approached the great King, not very comforted by the fact that there were Nanmans surrounding the walkway towards the throne. He hoped it was just his imagination and they didn't _really_ look bloodthirsty.

"So what do we have here?" Meng Huo asked, eying Sun Ce like he was a piece of well done steak (Sun Ce gulped, hoping that was his imagination again).

"Great King Meng Huo, I come to you on my knees," Sun Ce said, kneeling down and looking at the ground, his hands folded in his lap. "My officers and I treaded upon your land by accident while attempting to return to Wu."

Meng Huo got up off his chair and waddled over towards Sun Ce. "C'mon, boy, get off your knees!" he said, putting his giant hand on Sun Ce's shoulder.

Sun Ce looked up. "Great King?"

Meng Huo threw his head back and laughed. "I like kids these days!"

"Ce!?" Sun Shang Xiang asked incredulously, pushing through the crowd.

Meng Huo looked up. "Shang Xiang? You know this guy?"

"He's my brother too!" Sun Shang Xiang said, "Please don't hurt him!"

"Oh… oh, right," Meng Huo said, remembering the previous conversation at breakfast he'd already forgotten about. He made a face. "How many brothers do you have?" he asked Sun Shang Xiang. "And how did your parents raise you kids, to go around causing trouble wherever you go!?"

"He's my only other one next to Quan. That I know of," Sun Shang Xiang said as an afterthought. "My daddy did have a lot of—" She shook her head. "No, this is my brother Ce! He's much more likable than Quan—"

Sun Quan groaned. "_I'm right here_!"

Sun Shang Xiang smiled at Sun Ce. "Ce, I'm so happy you're okay!"

"Yeah, same to—" Sun Ce's eyes widened in horror. "What the _hell _are you wearing, Shang Xiang!?"

Sun Shang Xiang grinned. "The clothes of a descendant of a Fire God! Don't you like 'em?" Truthfully speaking her old clothes were in the wash, she was going to trade this Nanman ensemble for her old shirt and shorts the moment she got her hands on them.

"No!" Sun Ce said, staring at his sister. "You didn't trash your old clothes, did you?"

Sun Shang Xiang pouted.

"Sun Ce!" Zhou Yu shouted, wading his way after Sun Shang Xiang.

"ZHOU YU!?" Sun Ce asked incredulously. "What the heck is this, a Wu convention?"

"Hey, why isn't anyone paying attention to me?" Meng Huo complained. He looked down at Sun Ce. "So, you're Sun Ce, huh? You could've spared yourself the groveling if you'd just told me who you were!"

Sun Ce chuckled, getting to his feet. "Yeah, sorry about that. I heard a rumor that you ate prisoners, I wanted to play on the safe side."

Meng Huo laughed. "I started those rumors, boy! We don't get many tourists, but I suppose it's part of the deal. Nobody bothers us anymore!"

"Gotcha." Sun Ce looked at Zhou Yu. "Yu, what the hell are _you _doing here?"

"It is a long story," Zhou Yu said, "but to put it simply, I thought it would be wise to try and make allies where we could."

"Of course!" Meng Huo replied cheerfully. "You kids going to fight someone, give us a warning and I'll send over some aid!"

"Actually, we were planning on returning to Jian Ye and launching an invasion as quickly as possible," Zhou Yu said, glancing at Sun Ce for approval. Sun Ce nodded.

Meng Huo looked thoughtful, before smiling again. "Well, if you kids need my help, you got it! I'm sure sweetheart would be willing to help out too!"

"No way," Sun Ce said, wide-eyed. "You'd really come help us!?"

"Sure!" Meng Huo replied, grinning. "From what I hear, kiddo, you've got quite the potential to do some great things! I for one wanna be around to see 'em!"

"Thanks a lot," Sun Ce said, nodding, "I don't know how to thank you—"

"You can stop thanking me already, and join us for dinner! We're just about to sit down for a feast!" Meng Huo said cheerfully.

"Didn't we just eat an hour ago?" Zhou Yu asked.

-

"Well, we've been here long enough. Thanks for the hospitality, Great King," Sun Ce said, bowing to Meng Huo.

"Would you stop with all the formalities, boy?" Meng Huo laughed.

"Thanks for the fight!" Sun Shang Xiang said, grinning at Zhu Rong. "I'd be thanking you even if I lost, I'm still pretty new at this so it's great to get the experience!"

Zhu Rong laughed. "Don't mention it, kiddo. And I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit though, you were pretty tough out there. Next time you come around I can teach you some Nanman techniques!"

Sun Shang Xiang had the mental image of pile driving one of her unsuspecting friends into the ground and pinning them down for two hours while they screamed for mercy. Her face lit up brightly. "Really!? Awesome!"

Gan Ning, Zhou Yu, and Sun Quan (and probably Ling Tong somewhere, wherever he may be) were having similar mental images to Sun Shang Xiang's, except they were the pile drivees instead of the pile drivers. They all winced almost in unison. Ouch.

"Can we count on your help soon?" Sun Ce asked, "I'd like to invade Jian Ye as soon as we get there."

"Sure, we'll send some reinforcements your way come tomorrow," Meng Huo answered, "We don't have none o' them fancy ships like Ning does, but we can just follow you on elephants! We cut through Jiao Zhi and no problem!"

Sun Ce nodded. "Sounds good to me! Thanks!"

"I think you'd be okay just with Gan Ning, though," Meng Huo added, "We got invaded by the Yellow Turban nutcases a few years back and he really helped us out! He turned the tables /by himself/!"

"Really!?" Sun Shang Xiang asked, impressed. "How old were you? Weren't the Yellow Turbans wiped out like five years ago?"

"About five years ago," Gan Ning said, making a face. "Uhh… 21 now… uhh…"

"16," Da Qiao offered helpfully.

"SIXTEEN!?" Sun Ce asked incredulously. "I didn't start fighting until I was eighteen!"

Gan Ning shrugged. "That's why I'm tougher than you are~ just kidding," he added, seeing Sun Ce raise a furious fist.

"Here's some food for the road!" Meng Huo said brightly, dropping a bulging fifty-something pound bag into Sun Quan's arms.

Sun Quan groaned. "I have to carry this all the way to the ship!?" he whined.

"Oh, we can loan you some elephants," Meng Huo chuckled, "Oi, Ahui Nan, Dailai Dongzhu, get these guys to their ship, a'ight!?"

Ahui Nan and Dailai Dongzhu groaned. "We're Nanman generics! We're interchangable! Why do /we/ always get stuck doing all the work!?" they whined.

-

After a long day of elephanting and a long night of sailing (Gan Ning thankfully reading the map right side up this time) the Wu army sailed into Jian Ye in the wee hours of the morning, right as the sun began to rise.

"Well, here we are," Sun Ce said, watching _his _palace from a distance, eying the yellow banners of the Yuan Family draping from the walls with great dislike. "Damn Yuan Shu."

"This is what we want, Ce," Zhou Yu reminded him. "The entire Yuan Family is congregated in the capital city, aside from Yuan Shao. As long as we're victorious today, we'll regain control of Jian Ye and be able to start fighting back."

"But we're way outnumbered," Sun Shang Xiang pointed out. "Shouldn't we wait for the Nanmans to come help?"

Sun Ce shook his head angrily. "I can't sit here and watch this anymore. You guys can stay behind. I'm going!"

"No!" Da Qiao protested, "Ce, it's too dangerous!"

"Well, hey, if you're lookin' for someone to jump head first into a suicidal uphill battle, then count me in!" Gan Ning said, grinning. "This is just the way I like it!"

-

Zhu Rong and Sun Shang Xiang fight scene courtesy of Forge. I was going to make Zhu Rong win originally, but I figured I'd let Sun Shang Xiang take home the gold. That way the Nanmans respect her more.

And yaaaay, battle for Jian Ye starts /next/ chapter! :D I've only dragged it out this long _ Once they get back Jian Ye the rapid fire conquering begins.

Criticism and whatever else welcome!


	8. The Chapter That Needs No Title

In the last chapter, I accidentally used the name of the wrong Nanman generic. I meant to use the same ones as chapter 6, Ahui Nan and Jinhuan Sanjie, but I replaced Jinhuan Sanjie with Dailai Dongzhu by accident.

Just pointing that out. XD Doesn't contribute to the plot any, since all Nanman soldiers who aren't Meng Huo and Zhu Rong /are/ generics, but I thought I'd point it out.

-

Yuan Shu groaned in exasperation, his older brother's idiotic general driving him this side of crazy all day long. He should've known when Yuan Shao wouldn't stop smirking earlier it meant something terrible was bound to happen.

"Will you men hurry up!?" Zhang He cried. "I said I wanted the conquest of the enemy's camp to be quick and graceful! You all are taking so long!"

The troops in question muttered a few choice words about Yuan Shao's prized general—who was, quite simply, just plain /weird/—working them to death.

"I don't see what the point of mobilizing everyone to the bases is," Yuan Shu grumbled, "Zhang He, do you really think we're going to be invaded anytime soon?"

"Yes! We must always be ready for an enemy attack! There is no beauty in a sneak attack, which is why I believe the enemy will attempt one!" Zhang He said. "We have captured the home of the Wu army! I believe they will attempt to—"

"Hey, what the hell is that?" asked Wen Chou, pointing towards the docks off the Chang Jiang river.

Zhang He squinted. His eyes widened hugely before he smirked at Yuan Shu. "I shall resist the urge to say I TOLD YOU SO," he informed him, "after all, there is no beauty in gloating~"

"There's no beauty in anything! And there's no beauty in you either! You're creepy! There is nothing beautiful about a man wearing purple pants and makeup!" Yuan Shu bellowed, losing his temper. "Honestly!"

"Well, I wasn't going to say anything about that mustache of /yours/, but humph!" Zhang He complained, and skipped off towards the advancing soldiers.

"All of you, wait! We are being invaded!" he called.

The soldiers exchanged glances, then promptly screamed bloody murder.

Zhang He did a face palm. "No, no, /no/! Screaming is not the reaction I desire! You all must ready for battle! We shall defeat the enemy in a glorious rain of bloodshed!"

"That is disgusting!" Yuan Shu seethed to Wen Chou (who was only half the man he usually was, he missed his buddy Yan Liang). "I wouldn't mind if Zhang He got captured myself, saves me the trouble of killing him!"

Wen Chou made a face. "Oi, Lord Yuan Shu, perhaps it's not my place to say this, but, uh, didn't the whole "Let's not send Lord Sun Jian the supply caravan" plan kind of bite you in the ass? Perhaps you should focus your energies into helping allies instead of trying to destroy them?"

"Shut up!" Yuan Shu growled. "For your information, /Wen Chou/, my plan would have worked perfectly if Huang Gai and that dumb Sun brat didn't find out!"

"You mean Lord Sun Ce?" Wen Chou offered helpfully, shifting his giant halberd so it rested across his shoulders easily.

"Don't call him Lord! He isn't Lord of anything!" Yuan Shu ordered.

"Well, he was Lord of this here palace, before we stole it," Wen Chou pointed out.

Yuan Shu growled under his breath. "I like Yan Liang better, for the record." He strode towards Zhang He, who was in the middle of "prancing about in various battle stances" (read: dancing), and pushed him aside.

Zhang He squawked in indignation. "There is no beauty in shoving me around like a piece of meat, Lord Yuan Shu!"

"Leave this to the real generals, Zhang He," Yuan Shu said smugly.

The troops sighed. And now Yuan Shu was going to speak to them. Wasn't Zhang He's dancing lessons punishment enough?

-

"What are they up to?" Sun Shang Xiang asked, leaning on the ship railing, looking over towards the appearing to be mobilizing enemy soldiers. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and scowled.

"Mobilizing, probably," Sun Ce said, "They've probably seen the ship by now. Alright, everyone remember the plan?"

"Yeah, yeah," Gan Ning answered, impatiently, "Run out there, kill everyone, take a base so we have a place to regroup if we have to, whatever. LET'S JUST KILL PEOPLE ALREADY!"

Dong Xi cheered. "That's the kind of plan I can get behind!"

Zhou Yu sighed, rubbing his temples in exasperation. "Do try to take the bases rather than slaughtering troops?" he said lightly, "Clearing corpses from our fair lands is a rather arduous chore!"

Gan Ning made a face. "Huh?"

"If you're gonna kill someone kick 'em in the river," Sun Shang Xiang translated, her gaze still focused on the mobilizing yellow-clad troops. "What kind of formation is that?"

"The 'We're About to Get Routed' formation," Sun Ce replied, spinning his tonfas about. "Alright, I don't know when the Nanman reinforcements are coming but we can't wait for 'em, I'm fucking my wife in MY OWN BED tonight!"

Da Qiao's face lit up in excitement; everyone else either looked disgusted or like they'd gone into their own personal happy place for the remainder of the conversation.

"Now that those unpleasant mental images have been planted in our heads," Zhou Yu commented, glaring at Sun Ce, "I believe we're ready to mobilize?"

"Right, right," Sun Ce said, nodding, "Alright, guys, you ready? Let's show these incompetent morons what happens when you mess with the Sun Family!"

Sun Quan nodded, raising his sword. "They shall feel the wrath of our ancestors!"

"Let them realize the consequences of attempting to break apart our family!" Sun Shang Xiang added, chakrams at the ready.

"FOR THE GLORY OF THE SUN FAMILY!" they all shouted in unison, all posing in some manner appropriate for their individual fighting style.

"Did you guys, uhh, practice that?" Gan Ning asked, making a face. "Laaaame~"

"This coming from the man who has bells tied to his pants," Sun Shang Xiang grumbled.

-

The last base captain hit the blood-soaked ground. Sun Ce stood upright and turned to grin at his best friend. "And that's how we do it~"

Zhou Yu grinned. "It's been too long! And now that we've got the main camp established, let's start branching out and taking other—"

"I captured the whole eastern sideeee," Gan Ning called, walking into the base, blood dripping off his sword (and his clothes, but he didn't care about that, obviously). He looked around. "You two take this base all by yourselves? Impressive~"

Sun Ce's eyes narrowed. "What's that supposed to mean!?"

"I would think he was insulting us if I didn't know who was talking," Zhou Yu smirked.

Gan Ning looked confused. "What!? What'd you say about me!? Huh?"

"Calm down, we're just yanking your chain," Zhou Yu laughed.

"I wasn't," Sun Ce grinned. "Alrighty, boys, let's clean this battlefield up, shall we?"

"Don't start posing again or I'm gonna punch you," Gan Ning threatened.

-

The battle had lagged on all morning, and as the afternoon sun burned over their heads, Yuan Shu was starting to panic.

"We lost another base!?" Yuan Shu demanded, "This is ridiculous! We outnumber them, there's only seven generals!"

"I /told/ you not to underestimate Sun Ce!" Wen Chou nagged. "You can never underestimate the power of a cornered tiger, they've got nothing to lose, of course they're attacking us head-on!"

Yuan Shu pinned him with a glare. "How about instead of nagging me like an old deranged housewife, you make yourself useful and live up to that reputation of yours!"

Wen Chou sighed, hefting his spear over his shoulder. "Yeah, yeah," he grumbled, "s'just not the same without Liang, though."

"I don't care! Go, or I'm calling Guan Yu!" Yuan Shu threatened.

"Do it, I dare you~" Wen Chou answered, mounting his black horse, "I'll return shortly with Sun Ce's head, try not to break anything while I'm gone!"

Yuan Shu gritted his teeth. "Damn him!"

"You shouldn't mumble, Lord Yuan Shu, it's most unbecoming," Zhang He sang, from nearby.

Yuan Shu glared at him. "What are you still doing here!? Make yourself useful and go kill people!"

Zhang He's face lit up like he'd just been chosen for the cover for Cosmopolitan magazine (if you'll forgive the current 21st century reference). "I am honored to be considered, my lord~ I will float past the enemy generals, and overcome them with my beauty… before I rip them limb from limb!" He raised his claws, a vicious smile on his face.

"Good," Yuan Shu grumbled, "A bit less of the posturing and a bit more of the killing, please? You're beginning to sound like one of those blasted Sun brats."

"Right, right~" and Zhang He skipped off.

Yuan Shu rubbed his temples. Ugh.

-

"CE!" Sun Shang Xiang shouted, tearing through the enemy numbers with her chakram blades. "Dammit, Ce, where the hell are you!?"

"Hey Shang Xiang!" Gan Ning yelled cheerfully, "Heads up!" He was ripping through the crowds with his sword, blood spraying everywhere. Sun Shang Xiang made a face as a head literally soared through the air and landed in front of her.

"Ning! Have you seen my brother!?" Sun Shang Xiang shouted. "He's not in the northern base, I already killed everyone in there!"

"No," Gan Ning replied, slashing up and down a few times before swinging in a wide arc, sending men flying. "Man, this is too easy! These guys are cannon fodder!"

"Probably why they're on the front line!" Sun Shang Xiang answered, "Let's clear this rabble up and head to the main camp, the defenses have weakened big time down there!"

"Sounds good to me," Gan Ning said, blocking several attacks, fencing with a major before kicking him in the stomach and knocking him into several other soldiers.

He stabbed through about three of them with once—his bigass sword came in handy in situations like that—and glanced over at the Wu princess. "Oi, I think he and Zhou Yu're takin' down some base in the southeast before they lay a siege on the castle, try lookin' over there!"

"Right," Sun Shang Xiang nodded, killing a few more troops with some swings of her arms, before performing a rather complicated back flip twist attack and slashing a couple more.

Gan Ning glanced over at her, to see if she needed help; she seemed fine, but he caught the gash on her right side.

"You alright?" he asked, decapitating a few troops and advancing closer towards her.

"Fine," Sun Shang Xiang answered, her teeth gritted.

"Oi, you sure manage to get hurt a lot," Gan Ning commented, kicking a guy in the chest and sending him stumbling backwards into a pit of his comrades.

"Oh shut up! Just finish those guys up and come with me, will ya?" Sun Shang Xiang demanded, throwing her chakrams in a circle, cutting through a bunch of soldiers.

"Little Princess needs my help, huh?" Gan Ning laughed, and met Sun Shang Xiang's glare. "Just kidding, sheesh. Hang on, this won't take too—long~" He finished off a couple more troops and grinned at her. "Alrighty, let's go!"

-

Sun Ce had been in the middle of taking down an enemy attack base that had been a particular pain in the ass, shooting off volleys of arrows and catapulting rocks and the occasional explosive while he was trying to kill people.

"What's that, Ce?" Ling Cao asked, from behind.

"What?" Sun Ce asked, turning and squinting. A purple blur skipped across the battlefield, jumped over the base, and landed in front of Sun Ce.

"Master Sun Ce, of Wu," the—thing—shouted, posing dramatically. "I have come for your head!"

"Have fun taking it then," Sun Ce shot back, crouching down, tonfas at the ready. "Let's go!"

"Be careful, Ce, looks like he's up to something," Ling Cao cautioned.

Zhang He sniffed, and nodded once before rushing at the Wu leader, one arm extended and the other claw guarding his vital organs.

Sun Ce made a face. He'd fought more swordsmen and spearmen (don't laugh) than he could count, but unique fighting styles—much like his own, when he thought about it—usually gave him a hard time. An advantage to tonfa usage was two weapons usually gave one weapon a hard time.

Well, brute force usually helped him out, considering this—thing—looked like a real—"Whoa!" Sun Ce shouted, ducking backwards to avoid a claw to the face, "Sheesh, you're pretty light on your feet, huh?"

"Because I do not wear the clunky armor you do, Master of Wu~" answered Zhang He, stepping backwards and flipping over his head, scratching furiously as he soared.

Sun Ce brought his arms over his head, the tonfas taking most of the hits; one claw grazed his left elbow. He hissed in pain, swallowed it, and turned back to keep the fight going.

"Ce!" Ling Cao shouted, concerned.

"M'alright!" Sun Ce answered, making a face.

"Ahh, a hit~ a beautiful hit!" Zhang He squealed, waving his hips about in a rather strange way.

Sun Ce blinked a few times, before shaking his head—he'd seen weirder—and launching another attack. He was a bit unsure how to approach this; his opponent was guarding pretty well, his chest blocked by one of his claw weapons, his other aiming for his—Sun Ce's—face.

Oh, crap.

He ducked out of the way, trying to side step, barely missing the range of the claw, and grunted furiously before swinging a Sun Ce Tonfa Punch™ at his head.

Zhang He blocked, and Sun Ce grunted furiously again before ducking, and launching a tonfa uppercut to his jaw, colliding.

Zhang He stumbled back, his eyes narrowing. That /asshole/! He swung at Sun Ce with his free hand, intent on tearing his face off.

"Take /this/," he hissed, and swung down at him from above with his right hand, using his slight height advantage to the best of his ability.

Sun Ce was tall and muscular, but nowhere near as fast on his feet as his opponent was, and it was beginning to frustrate him. He ducked just in time and felt Zhang He's claws rake through his ponytail.

The Wu lord side stepped again and groaned when Zhang He's other claw—the one he forgot to pay attention to—tore through his left shoulder.

"Arrrgh," he groaned, "should've worn the damned sleeve armor, /dammit/!"

He gritted his teeth furiously and launched another attack, using his tonfas to simultaneously block Zhang He's claws careening toward his side and to send a shock down the girly general's arm, pushing against it to greaten the effect.

Zhang He howled in pain and flipped backwards through the air, gracefully twirling about as he landed on his feet. "There was no beauty in that attack!" he whined.

"Looks like I shall have to teach you the /true/ meaning of beaauuuuutyy~" And he attacked again, running towards Sun Ce's left, attacking his right side to confuse him.

Sun Ce spotted the sneak attack and a smirk pulled at the corner of his lips, before he swung out his right tonfa and punched Zhang He in the face, grinning at the shift in momentum in the battle. He kicked the other man in the stomach, sending him staggering backwards, and another chain of tonfa punches sent him flying backwards into the ground.

Zhang He squawked as he flew through the air, trying to get his balance—in midair!—and landing in the Jiang Dong mud face-first.

Sun Ce laughed. "Don't tell me you can't get up, this is turnin' out to be a lot of fun! Dude? Or… or lady? I'm actually not sure what you are," he asked, eying the purple mess on the ground awkwardly.

"I am a MAN!" Zhang He squawked furiously as he scrambled to his feet. "You uncouth /bastard/!"

Sun Ce shrugged. "My wife doesn't seem to mind." Then he was attacking again, battering and punching away with his tonfas, trying to break the other MAN's guard, ignoring the burning in his left arm.

Zhang He squawked, blocking the blows as best he could, but his weapon was more suited for fast offensive strikes. They were thin iron bars, they weren't intended to be beaten on for a long period of time.

Sun Ce smirked, increasing the strength behind his blows as he pushed Zhang He forward. He rarely killed his opponents, usually preferring to beat them into the ground and make them run away with their egos bruised, so he was mostly going to disarm the man so he'd run away.

"I'll plant you a flower in your honor if you retreat and bring Yuan Shu with you!" Sun Ce suggested, spotting a soft spot in the ground behind Zhang He.

Zhang He scoffed. "It will take more than one flower to hasten my retreat! There is no beauty to be found in surrender!"

"Oh, you're wrong about that, there's plenty of beauty to be found in retreat," Sun Ce said, continuing to push him backwards, "After all, if you don't retreat you can't live to fight another day~"

"Your words mean nothing!" Zhang He scowled, raising his claw to block an attack, and—it snapped. Zhang He's eyes widened hugely.

He looked at Sun Ce.

"No beauty in that either, huh?" Sun Ce asked. His smile turned evil as he advanced.

Zhang He squawked, raising his solid left claw to fend off Sun Ce's attack—he couldn't get an offensive strike in now, he didn't have enough room to do a ridiculous leap or dive or something—and stepped back.

His heel—the actual heel of his foot, he wasn't wearing /high heels/, this isn't DW6 Zhang He—sunk in the ground, causing him to lose his balance. He—you guessed it—squawked again, as the grassy riverbank gave out beneath him.

The riverbank was not flat ground; rather, it was a grassy hill that lead to the body of the Chang Jiang river. Sun Ce spent half his childhood in that river, and he counted on it to whisk the screaming man away to—well, he wasn't too picky, as long as Zhang He left his country and didn't come back.

Predictably, Zhang He tumbled backwards, rolling down the riverbank in a particularly graceless manner, and landed in the water with a splash.

"Oh, my hair, my hair," he wailed, surfacing, one hand to his head, "You evil—I hate you, man of Wu!"

"Go on, get outta here!" Sun Ce ordered.

"Better get out of the water quickly or your ends'll split," Ling Cao called.

Sun Ce looked at him. "How'd you know that, Ling Cao?"

Ling Cao shrugged. "My son~"

Sun Ce nodded. "Right. Well, assuming everyone else carried out their mission appropriately, I think this battle's just about over—"

"Ce, there you are!" Sun Shang Xiang shouted, sprinting up towards him, sounding as relieved as she looked. She threw her arms around her brother. "I'm so glad you're okay, I thought something happened to you!"

Sun Ce grinned at his little sister, patting her back. "Hey, you missed it, Shang Xiang, I totally kicked the crap outta that weirdo Zhang He~"

"I can still hear you!" Zhang He squawked, still trying to swim against the downstream current.

Sun Shang Xiang nodded. "That's great, Ce, but—the main camp's being attacked! I've been looking everywhere for you!"

"WHAT!?" Sun Ce cried, "How the hell did it get attacked!? It hasn't fallen yet, has it? Where's Quan and the others!?"

"Attacking Yuan Shu's main camp!" she answered, "We've gotta go!"

"Isn't /Da Qiao/ in the main camp still?" Gan Ning asked, scratching his head.

Sun Ce's eyes got very wide. "Oh, my—" And he took off.

Sun Shang Xiang and Gan Ning exchanged glances, and took off after him.

Ling Cao sighed, before following. He couldn't run as fast as he used to—damn age—but he wasn't going to let those brats have all the fun~

-

"DA!" Sun Ce shouted, tearing through the doors of the main camp, Gan Ning and Sun Shang Xiang right on his heels. "Da, baby, where are y—WHAT THE HELL?"

Da Qiao emerged from a white tent built atop of a wooden platform, saw Sun Ce, and promptly burst into tears, running into his arms. "Oh, DARLING!" she wailed, "I was so afraid! Where were you!?"

"Holy _shit_," Gan Ning said, looking around, wide-eyed at the display of at least two hundred dead enemy soldiers lying about the grounds of the main camp. The ground was soaked through with blood.

"Da, honey, did YOU do all this!?" Sun Ce asked incredulously.

Da Qiao, still sniffing, looked up at him. "I had to," she whimpered, "I couldn't let them take the main camp! You're not upset, are you?"

"Upset!?" Sun Ce asked, staring at her. He grinned. "Why the heck would I be upset!?"

"We need to put her on the front lines," Gan Ning commented, still looking around. "What the heck kind of weapon are you using?"

Da Qiao stepped away from her husband to remove the folded, gold-trimmed fans from her waistband. She opened them up and blood dripped off the blades. "These," she sniffled, "Truth be told it was much easier than I thought it would be—"

"Well, I'm sorry I left you back here, baby, but I don't think I have anything to worry about," Sun Ce chuckled. "Do you want to stay here and defend still? We took the front line garrisons already so I don't think you'll have any more visitors."

"I'll stay here," Da Qiao said quickly.

-

"Brother, there you are!" Sun Quan said, his face lighting up.

"Here I am," Sun Ce said, nodding, as he and the others approached the vicinity of the enemy main camp, the only base that had yet to be taken. "Oi, Quan, what's going on?"

"Nothing!" Sun Quan said, "We thought we'd wait for you before launching the final assault on Yuan Shu, that's all!"

"We don't have to worry about 'im," cackled Dong Xi, jabbing tied-up Wen Chou with his spearhead (get your heads out of the gutter there isn't another way the author can think to word that) and smirking. "We got this guy right where we want 'im, he ain't goin' anywhere~"

"Way to go!" Sun Ce said, grinning, "I beat up that fairy dude earlier too, looks like all of Yuan Shu's generals have been taken down except for him!"

"Then what the hell're we waitin' for, Ce, tear down the gates and let's get 'im!" Gan Ning grumbled.

"Long day?" Zhou Yu asked him. He looked at Sun Ce. "Really, Ce, this battle has gone exceptionally well~"

"That's because Yuan Shu's forces suck," Sun Shang Xiang interjected, "Now let's kick him out of our land already before I bleed out, I want to have enough strength left for a Sun Family Victory Pose™!!"

Sun Ce nodded. "Right."

-

Yuan Shu had been contemplating how to explain the epic fail of this battle to his older brother—who would never let him hear the end of it. He could hear Wen Chou being defeated and captured outside the garrison, and Zhang He hadn't yet returned.

He assumed Zhang He was dead; after all, if he didn't share a battlefield with the man, he'd have killed him too. But Zhang He's death sadly resulted in him having to fight /alone/. Damn defensive army—Yuan Shao should've sent a bigger army to defend Jian Ye!

"Sun Ce, you ungrateful brat!" Yuan Shu shouted, his voice fearful as the gates to the main camp were being torn down. "What would your father think if he saw you, huh!?"

"He'd wonder why I didn't do this sooner," Sun Ce growled, breaking down a section of the door, enough to jump through. "You sneak up and attack us, you take our land out from under us, and expect me not to retaliate!?"

"We will show you the vengeance of the Sun Family!" Sun Quan bellowed.

"Oi, Quan, not /yet/, we don't start with the victory lines /until/ we've breached the gates!"

"Right, right."

Yuan Shu sighed again, taking a few steps back. Then, an evil, wicked plan crossed his mind. He smirked.

"STOP IT!" he yelled, finally. "I surrender!"

Sun Ce paused, in mid-tonfa strike. "Whaaaaaaat? Aww, man, I hate it when they surrender—"

Zhou Yu sighed, aiming a light smack to the back of his best friend's head, before speaking. "Then open the gates and we'll discuss the terms of your surrender!" he ordered.

"Right, right, I'll get on that immediately," Yuan Shu nodded, gesturing to his soldiers to open the gates. The soldiers looked a bit fearful, but did so anyway. He signaled for his archers to climb off the watchtowers and join him on the ground. They, looking uncertain, also complied.

Sun Ce and Zhou Yu both advanced inside the garrison. "Go home," Sun Ce ordered, pointing his right tonfa at Yuan Shu. "Go home, get out of here, and tell Yuan Shao there won't be anything left of him at all if he ever attacks us again!"

Yuan Shu mentally rolled his eyes at the posturing teenagers. He was more proud of this evil plan than he was of his mustache~ "I understand completely, Lord Sun Ce," he said, "Tell me, what became of my generals?"

"Kicked their ass!" Dong Xi shouted, from outside.

"Yeah!" Gan Ning added (he didn't do anything but kill fodder, but he was easily excited).

Yuan Shu took a step backwards again. He rolled the explosive between his fingers a few times, before waiting until Sun Ce and Zhou Yu were close enough. He signaled to his soldiers to open the rear gates, and smirked.

"This isn't the end of me, Sun Ce!" he shouted, throwing the explosive. The garrison promptly blew up, he ran for it—abandoning his poor soldiers.

Sun Ce and Zhou Yu, taken off guard, were blown back a few feet by the explosion, but they managed to stay upright and get out.

"Ce, Yu! Are you guys okay!?" Sun Shang Xiang cried, worried.

"Fine," Sun Ce answered, rubbing his head. A few Yuan Shu soldiers' screams could be heard inside the garrison. Sun Ce glanced back inside.

"Don't!" Gan Ning complained, "Oi, c'mon, Ce, they're enemies, let 'em roast!"

Sun Shang Xiang elbowed him. "Hey!" she said, annoyed, "My brother would /never/ abandon innocent people!"

"Damn right," Sun Ce said, "Hang on in there!" and charged back into the garrison.

Gan Ning rolled his eyes. "Damn softie's gonna get himself killed!"

Sun Ce came back out quickly, along with ten soldiers, five of them carrying crossbows.

"They didn't know what Yuan Shu was planning, did they?" Zhou Yu asked. "I /thought/ his deception seemed a bit unlike him—"

"Yeah, he's a wimp," Sun Ce said, and his face split in a grin. "But we did it, guys! We got Jian Ye back!"

"We're finally home!" Sun Shang Xiang said happily, clasping her hands together. Sun Ce patted his sister's shoulder and grinned at his army.

"Couldn't have done it without you guys~"

"Oh, crap, here comes someone else," Gan Ning grumbled, pointing with his sword at the little figure sprinting across the countryside towards them.

"That's—DA!" Sun Ce shouted, waving her over.

"Ceeeee!" Da Qiao wailed, running towards her husband, and dove into his arms, saying his name over and over. "Oh, darling, I was so worried, I saw the explosion from the main camp~"

"Our lord is brave as well as resourceful!" said one of the Yuan Shu archers.

"Our lives are in your hands, Lord Sun Ce," said another, "If there's ever anything we can do for you—"

"If there's anything you can do—well, I'd really appreciate the help in the army," Sun Ce said, nodding at them, still hugging his wife. "We did it, baby, we've got our home back~"

"I'm so excited, we can sleep in our bed again, and we don't have to stay awake all night listening to Ning snoring!" Da Qiao said excitedly.

Gan Ning groaned. "I can still hear you!"

"And we can hear you snore," Sun Shang Xiang added. Gan Ning cuffed the back of her head lightly.

Zhou Yu smiled. "Well, we have restored Wu to its rightful owners," he said, "I think Lord Sun Jian would be proud of us all!"

"He would!" Sun Quan nodded.

"I certainly am, you've all gotten so strong over the years," Ling Cao nodded.

"Oi, what're we gonna do with this guy?" Dong Xi asked, kicking Wen Chou in the side. His face lit up. "I'll kill him~"

"Just let him go," Sun Ce said dismissively, "He's out cold anyway, that's no fun~"

"Who's that?" Da Qiao asked fearfully, pointing.

Sun Ce followed his wife's finger and frowned. "Oh, great, don't /tell/ me Yuan Shu's back already, we just wrapped things up!"

"That's not Yuan Shu, those are elephants!" Gan Ning answered, his face splitting in a grin. "Oi, took 'em long enough! EYYYYYY, MENG HUO!" he shouted, waving his arms over his head.

"I think the garrison on fire is enough of signal," Sun Shang Xiang commented dryly. Gan Ning shot her a look.

Meng Huo's elephant parked in front of Sun Ce, followed by Zhu Rong's, and a couple Nanman generics, whichever you so desire. Meng Huo climbed off his elephant with some degree of difficulty, waddled up to Sun Ce, and beamed.

"Just tell us where you want us to help out!" Meng Huo said, patting Sun Ce's shoulder—nearly knocking the younger man over.

Sun Ce—wincing a bit—grinned. "Thanks for the offer, Great King, but, uh—"

"You're too late and we already kicked everyone's ass, way to be slow," Gan Ning commented. Zhu Rong tousled his hair and he squawked.

Meng Huo's face fell. "We're too late!? Oh, I'm sorry, boy, I guess that's what happens when we travel on elephants—"

"We also got delayed by two days because you insisted on eating the Poison Berries right when they were freshest," Zhu Rong added, eying her husband sharply, "I can't believe you, these kids probably needed our help!"

Meng Huo looked down at his feet shamefully.

Sun Ce shook his head. "Seriously, we're fine! We did it!" He grinned. "I'd, uh, invite you guys up to the palace for a feast, but I'm not sure of the palace servant system going on in there…"

"Yeah, we're going to have to do some serious public relations to re-organize the armies, along with telling our people the Sun Family has control again," Sun Quan added, thoughtfully.

Sun Ce nodded. "Right, right~ I figure you can get right on that tomorrow, Quan, Yu~"

"WHAT," Sun Quan and Zhou Yu complained, in unison. "Oh, /fine/!"

Meng Huo laughed heartily, clapping Sun Ce on the shoulder again, and nearly knocking him over again. "Next time we'll be more careful, my boy~"

"Really, it's enough you came at all," Sun Ce nodded, "Dependable allies aren't as common as they used to be, I'm afraid."

Meng Huo beamed, grabbing Sun Ce and hugging him, swinging him around. "You're gonna be such a hero someday!" he said, proudly, "I'm /proud/ to be your ally, boy—you just, you call us when you need us!"

"And as long as the Poison Berries aren't in full bloom, we'll be right there," Zhu Rong added, patting Da Qiao's head.

Da Qiao smiled brightly. "You're welcome to stay with us for as long as you'd like, if you want to get some rest before you leave!" she offered.

"Aren't you just the sweetest thing~ awww, you two make the cutest little couple~ don't they remind you of us, sweetheart?" Meng Huo gushed.

Gan Ning groaned. "Ew, Huo!"

"Eyy, zip it, feather head!" Meng Huo shot back.

Sun Ce grinned, looking up at his palace. "Well, we did it," he said, triumphantly, a big grin stretching across his face. "First Jian Ye, next the whole land~ the land'll belong to the Sun family in no time!"

"AHEM!"

"And the Nanman King, of course~" Sun Ce added quickly, grinning.

-

This was not one of my best chapters, and I'm aware of it. Once I get my Overlord groove back I might re-write it (like I did with 1, 2, 3, and 4 already~) but I think it's kind of obvious when an author gets bored with what they're writing. I got my groove back about halfway in, so hooray :D

And holy crap, this chapter had some genuine Sun Ce/Da Qiao fluff~

Anyway, please review, opinions are always welcomed~


	9. This One'll Knock Your Head Off

This chapter will wrap a lot of things up.

Note: Overlord began in the year 200; Sun Ce is 23, Sun Quan was 21, Gan Ning was 21, Zhou Yu was 22, Sun Shang Xiang was 18, Da Qiao is 19, ect. At the beginning of this chapter, everyone is a year older; this chapter begins the year of 201. At the end of this chapter, everyone will be a year older, since next chapter picks up in 202. There's a lot of battles/timeskipping in this chapter, I'll try and make it as not-confusing as possible.

Overlord battles take place over the span of a season, but for the sake of not killing you with remembering dumb timelines (you and me both!) this way makes it easier.

-

All in all, Sun Ce could hardly believe it'd been a whole year since his land had been yanked out from under him. He was on the roof of the palace, early in the morning, before the sun was even up, just to see his beautiful land from above.

He was Sun Ce, the Little Conqueror, again; later today, he, Gan Ning, and Zhou Yu were planning on heading out and securing the uninhabited nearby territories surrounding Jian Ye, which, in retrospect, he should've done earlier. He was also a bit surprised Yuan Shao hadn't had the intelligence to tell his troops to keep mobilizing further than Jian Ye, but, well, it was _Yuan Shao_ he was referring to. Plus, it made less work for him.

Gan Ning had mentioned Liu Biao had control of the lower middle of the land; Jiao Zhi was still uninhabited, but Chang Sha was strictly pirate territory (which struck Sun Ce as weird; Jiao Zhi was right on the sea, with docks and everything, with Xia Kou as the capital city (1); and Xia Kou was a port town!).

Gan Ning had roots with the pirates, Sun Ce knew about that already, he hadn't been shy about admitting it; but he had asked to take the land from them _himself_, which Sun Ce wasn't all that sure about. Sure, he was pretty confident Gan Ning could do it; he'd underestimated the other man himself, but for a former pirate, Gan Ning was a guy who didn't have an equal (Sun Ce was not his "equal", he was "better", as he liked to gloat, usually earning a dirty look from the pirate in question~).

Sun Shang Xiang had been whining about not being able to come, but Sun Ce was mostly worried she'd get hurt. He told her that defense of Wu was most important right about now, so he was relying on her and Sun Quan to lead the defenses in case they were attacked, but that didn't cheer her up much.

"There you are, darling!" Da Qiao squealed, excitedly. Sun Ce turned and his face brightened (since Zhou Yu greeted him with "darling" so often? Who was he expecting!?).

"Da~!" he greeted, holding his arms out. Da Qiao ran into his arms and hugged him tightly, her arms around his chest.

"Why are you up so early, darling?" Da Qiao asked.

Sun Ce grinned. "I couldn't sleep, too excited~ we're finally back in business, Da, we can start fighting back and pretty soon this whole land'll be ours~"

"Promise me you'll be careful?" Da Qiao wibbled, giving him the puppy eyes.

Sun Ce's grin didn't fade. "Da, you _know_ I'll be careful—well, careful enough to always come home, at least." He kissed her forehead. "I love you~"

"I LOVE YOU TOOOO," Da Qiao squealed, hugging her husband, "just _think_, darling, we can have a family now!"

Sun Ce shifted a bit, his grin turning nervous. "Yeah," he said, "kids would be great, but—" he shook his head. "No buts!"

Da Qiao pouted. "Well, I—if you don't want to have children, I… I'll still love you of course, but…" Her lower lip trembled.

Sun Ce put his arms around his wife quickly, comforting her. "Honey, I didn't mean I didn't want to have kids," he said quickly, "you know I love the idea of us having twenty-something little Suns running around the place. I just… well, when the war is over? I hate the idea of my kids growing up without a father."

"Twenty-something!?" Da Qiao squeaked, looking a bit faint. "Without a father!?"

Sun Ce laughed. "Give or take a few, and don't worry, I'm not planning on dying anytime soon," he said, grinning. "Hey, we're going to need some heirs to the Sun family, and it doesn't look like Quan or Shang Xiang's gonna settle down anytime soon~"

"No, indeed," Da Qiao agreed, hugging her husband. She pouted a bit. "Ce, is it just my imagination, or are you putting on some weight?"

Sun Ce turned red. "I am not!"

"You are, too!" Da Qiao accused, pinching his side and pouting. "Darling! Your perfect pectorals and abdomen are what I love the most about you, it'd hurt me terribly if you lost them!"

Sun Ce pouted. "My future Empress mocking me," he sighed. He smirked at her. "Well, if I'm already fat, might as well add to it~" He swept his squealing wife up in his arms and whisked her away, towards the breakfast table.

-

Hui Ji, Chai Sang, and the previously occupied Jiao Zhi were completely unoccupied at the moment. Sun Ce figured free land had quite a target on it, and therefore wanted to lead the attack on the areas immediately.

"I'm going to Chang Sha," Gan Ning insisted.

"Don't be dumb, we'll kick more ass if we attack together," Sun Ce said firmly, shaking his head, "no general of mine is wandering the land alone!"

Gan Ning made a noise of frustration. "Seriously, Ce, I can handle it, Huang Zu wouldn't know a decent military formation if it bit him on the back end!"

"Doesn't matter," Sun Ce argued.

Gan Ning groaned. "Doesn't it make sense for us to split up!? Then we'll be back faster!"

"Don't care," Sun Ce answered, "It'll be more fun for us all to hang out together though! We'll make some precious memories

Gan Ning made a face. "Can you say that in a way that doesn't sound so… uhh… fruity?"

Zhou Yu hid his snickers in the back of his hand. "Ning, why _are_ you so intent on fighting Huang Zu alone?" he asked, "I understand you want revenge, but wouldn't it be more effective to show Huang Zu how far you've come since your days serving him?"

"An excellent point," Sun Ce said, nodding.

"No," Gan Ning replied, "It's more of a pride thing~" He squinted in the distance. "Hey, do you guys see that?"

"See what?" Zhou Yu asked (Sun Ce had already turned to look).

"Just look!" Gan Ning said impatiently. Zhou Yu shrugged and turned.

The two men distracted, Gan Ning smirked and gripped the horse's reigns tightly, before turning him around and taking off in the direction of Chang Sha, towards the sun.

Sun Ce turned around. "Did you—aww, _dammit_!" he swore, "stupid Ning!"

"I can't believe I, Zhou Yu, an intellectual, fell for that," Zhou Yu said, shaking his head. "Ce, there's nothing we can do about it now, we have territories to conquer, yes?"

"Right, right," Sun Ce said, nodding, "that _bonehead_ better not get himself killed!"

"I am sure he won't," Zhou Yu said, "I believe Hui Ji is due south of Wu?"

"Let's go, old friend," Sun Ce said, grinning, "Wu's about to double in size!"

-

Rather than taking up refuge in Jiao Zhi, a territory with more ports than any other territory in China, Huang Zu had chosen to hide in Chang Sha.

Gan Ning might not've been the sharpest arrow in the quiver, but even he was intelligent enough to know that if you're a pirate with a navy, it's best to be in a friggen port town.

Huang Zu's defense of the location? There was a river. A freakin' river.

Huang Zu'd always had trouble containing him anyway; for the earlier years of his service in Huang Zu's army, Gan Ning'd been loyal as all hell, mostly because he had nowhere else to go, since pirating wasn't making anything of his life. But then he'd started getting frustrated with no promotions (despite being the toughest man in the army he'd been a low-level general for years now) and Huang Zu trying to control his every move.

He'd had enough and took off; and now, roughly a year later, he was with Sun Ce's army and here for some payback. Right on.

"Oi," he said, to the brown horse he was sitting on, "do me a favor and don't freak out! I wanna make this a sneak attack!"

The horse, as expected, freaked out and charged blindly ahead. Gan Ning yelped and grabbed the reins, trying to control the charging animal—nope, the horse had a mind of its own, and—Sun Ce _had_ said horses could smell fear—he wasn't _afraid_ of the dumb thing, he just had a rational dislike of falling and breaking his face open. Ships didn't randomly spring up and charge! They didn't have a mind of their own!!

As he'd expected, the defenses of Chang Sha were completely inadequate. Huang Zu still had no idea what he was doing, so at least his "sneak attack" was successful.

"SLOW DOWN ALREADY!" he shouted, jerking the horses' reins, "Stupid horse!"

He made it to Huang Zu's main base in about two hours with no trouble at all, some of the guards even stopping him to greet him and start a conversation.

Gan Ning had no interest in pirating or bandit life anymore; he was much better off in an army, where the benefits were better and he slept at night knowing he wasn't tormenting people (well, the people who were the enemies of Wu were tormented, but that was for the greater good). Sun Ce had a way of making him all nationalist, Wu was his home now and he fought to protect it.

And his sister was pretty cute. Wait, what? Where the hell did that come from? He shook those traitorous, evil thoughts from his mind and focused on the job ahead. Dammit.

-

The end of the week came quickly for Sun Ce and Zhou Yu; Jiao Zhi was not only completely unoccupied as it had been previously, but they were able to rendezvous with Lu Xun, Lu Meng, and Zhu Ran, who were hanging around. The three agreed to go to take Hui Ji on their way back to Jian Ye, while Sun Ce and Zhou Yu continued on to Chai Sang, figuring they're rendezvous with Gan Ning on the way. Couldn't take him that long to kill Huang Zu, right?

"I still think letting him go alone was a dumb idea," said Sun Ce, making a face, "what if Huang Zu really _did_ have something to do with Pop dying?"

"Gan Ning'll kill him in the name of the Wu army," Zhou Yu pointed out, "as long as he's dead, Ce, does it truly matter whose hands his blood is on?"

"No," admitted Sun Ce, "but it'd make _me_ feel better, that's for sure—alright, shall we get going? Chang Sha, or straight to He Fei?"

"I think Ning'll be most displeased if we interrupt his conquest," said Zhou Yu, "he'll be fine, Ce, he's got something to prove, I think."

"Like what?" Sun Ce asked, "he's the most kickass general in this army… probably'd be a damn good Commander now that I think about it…"

Zhou Yu smiled, brightly. "Giving thought to an actual army structuring? Who are you and what'd you do with Sun Ce?"

"Zip it," said Sun Ce balefully, "or I'm giving chief Strategist position to Da~"

"Humph," said Zhou Yu, "my hair is prettier than hers anyway, and that's a bigger victory, I suppose."

"Quan'll be bummed if I appoint Ning Commander, though," Sun Ce said, making a face, "oh, whatever, I'll think about it when the time comes, dammit."

"That's the spirit," said Zhou Yu, "or, do what you always do and leave the thinking to _me_~"

Sun Ce raised a tonfa threateningly. "C'mon, to He Fei it is!"

-

Well, that didn't take long at all. Only about a damn _week_.

Still, he was here, no thanks to the damn horse.

He hadn't seen Huang Zu in years. Chances were he didn't take Gan Ning's resignation very well and would most likely attack him.

_In which case I beat the pants off him and kill him, _Gan Ning thought cheerfully, kicking the doors to the castle open—it wasn't so much a castle as it was a huge garrison, it wasn't regal or anything—and storming inside.

"L-lord Gan Ning!?" shouted Cai Mao, one of Huang Zu's older generals Gan Ning remembered—Gan Ning would've ignored him but figured an interrogation was in order, and grabbed the man by his shirt.

"Where's Huang Zu?" he asked, "I'd like to have a word with him."

"R-right this way!" Cai Mao said nervously, eying Gan Ning's sword; Gan Ning was the proud owner of a BAS, otherwise known as a 'big ass sword', the shiny whitish-silver blade reflecting Cai Mao's fear. "I'll—take you there now!"

"Smart man," Gan Ning smirked, nodding. "Hurry up, I haven't got all day!"

Cai Mao did as he was ordered, and sure enough, Huang Zu and all his slimy grossness—well, not really slimy, Gan Ning just didn't like him—was seated in what appeared to be a meeting room. A couple of his advisors—Gan Ning recognized Su Fei, one of the few Huang Zu generals he liked—were with him.

Su Fei's expression was open surprise; Gan Ning gave him a nod of acknowledgment before scowling at Huang Zu.

Huang Zu looked, for a moment, reasonably nervous. "Gan Ning," he greeted, "so you finally came crawling back, huh? What rock've you been living under for the past two years?"

"I haven't," Gan Ning answered, irritated already, "I've been serving Sun Ce's army. You've heard of the Sun family."

"You've betrayed me for those idiot Sun brats!?" Huang Zu demanded haughtily.

"Yeah," Gan Ning answered, his sword resting on his shoulder, "workin' for you just wasn't quite doin' it for me, boss. So I figure I'm better off on my own, y'know? Stickin' around here's bad for my health anyway."

"You ungrateful wretch," Huang Zu snarled, "after all I've done for you over the years!?"

Gan Ning shrugged. "I'm grateful for you pulling me outta that pirate gang a few years ago, but other than that it's been all blood sweat n' labor around here, and nothin' to show for it. Way I see it, Sun Ce's got the real desire to get things done, and I intend to help him out."

"If you hadn't been such a slacker idiot, you'd realize Sun Ce wouldn't even be in charge if it wasn't for me," Huang Zu snapped, sitting back on his chair to give the impression he wasn't intimidated (but he was, oh, he most certainly was~ he'd always taken Gan Ning's loyalty for granted, _shit_!).

Gan Ning narrowed his eyes. "Oh yeah? What the heck is that supposed to mean?"

"That brat's father, Sun Jian, ran straight into my ambush not too far from this very base," Huang Zu retorted, rolling his eyes, "Shows what you know, you stupid brat!"

"Typical you," said Gan Ning, "yeah, can't say I'm surprised, underhanded pussy ambushes always _were_ your style…"

"Watch that arrogance," Huang Zu snarled, "we don't all dive face-first into an enemy army!"

"Yeah," said Gan Ning, "but I _did_, and got nothing for it. Hence why I'm outta here."

"You ungrateful wretch," Huang Zu growled, "I gave you everything you have—"

"No you didn't."

"I brought you into my army, provided the clothes on your back—"

"I'm not _wearing_ clothes on my back."

"You—" Huang Zu leapt up, and charged at him; Gan Ning stepped back a bit to give him some room to swing here, twisted around, and swung his sword.

There was a squelching sound as blade met throat; Gan Ning's sword tore through Huang Zu's neck, and Huang Zu staggered back—already dead, obviously—Gan Ning hadn't hacked through his vertebrae, but his throat was hacked open. He fell backwards, his eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling.

Gan Ning inhaled slowly, and exhaled, looking around the base, Huang Zu's blood rolling off his blade.

Holy shit. He did it. _He_ _fucking killed Huang Zu_.

Awesome.

To his surprise, he didn't get jumped by Huang Zu's other generals; Su Fei looked almost proud of him, in fact—he looked around.

"Anyone have a problem with that?" he demanded, jabbing his sword in Huang Zu's direction.

The other generals—and the few troops—shook their heads.

"Somehow I always knew you'd kill him," Su Fei commented quietly, "Gan Ning, you've grown so much…"

"Yeah, well, I wasn't gonna put up with his schlock anymore," Gan Ning said, looking around.

"Are you really serving Sun Ce?" asked Deng Long, looking disgusted (but not fool enough to attack Gan Ning). Chen Jiu also looked shocked. (2)

"Yeah," Gan Ning answered, "and if any of you know what's good for you, you'll join 'em too! You all feel guilty about what happened to Sun Jian? You want to do something about it? Then join Sun Ce's army! He needs all the help he can get!" He jerked his sword in Huang Zu's direction. "Unless you want to end up like him!"

A couple of the generals exchanged glances. Several of the former pirates cheered. Su Fei beamed proudly.

Gan Ning grinned. Well, looks like Sun Ce just got himself a navy!

-

"This is too easy," Sun Ce sighed, looking around at the currently Wu-controlled region of He Fei. "Maaaaaan, I thought Cao Cao'd put up more of a fight! We could probably take Xu Chang while he's off at Guan Du!"

"Absolutely not," Zhou Yu said firmly, "we might've been able to restore some of our old ranks and draft some of Yuan Shu's soldiers, but we're nowhere near back to our original glory. We'll be routed if we attack Cao Cao."

"Yeah, you're right," Sun Ce agreed, "For another day, I suppose. Well, in the meantime, might as well take He Fei and solidify Wu's presence in the south, right?"

"Sounds like a plan," Zhou Yu agreed, "I must say, Ce, your tactics have improved lately. Have you been studying?"

Sun Ce made a face. "Aw come on! I'm smart too! I just don't read books and all that like you and Da do!"

"True," Zhou Yu agreed, "however, I'm not sure if wasting your potential as a scholar is an intelligent move, Ce."

"Stop it, you're hurting my braaaain," Sun Ce whined playfully, "big words, Yu, too many of 'em and my head'll explode and then you'll be stuck with Quan as a leader and who wants that!?"

"Well, everything happens for a reason," Zhou Yu said lightly, "perhaps if your head were to explode, Quan would emerge as a more worthy leader?"

"Like hell!" Sun Ce squawked, "Yu, don't say stuff like that, it creeps me out!"

"Or perhaps Quan would prove an inept leader, and Shang Xiang would take the throne," Zhou Yu continued, his eyes dancing (making fun of Sun Ce had been one of his favorite hobbies since they were children, of course) at the idea.

"Oh, like anyone'd bow down to Empress Sun Shang Xiang," Sun Ce chuckled. "Well, until I have an heir I guess she's second in line to the throne, right?"

"Oh dear," Zhou Yu commented.

"Speaking of which, I think she's over Ling Tong, she sure does seem to be spending a lot of time with Ning," Sun Ce mentioned, folding his arms.

Zhou Yu smiled. "Brother complex?" he offered.

"Absolutely not!" Sun Ce huffed. "Ning's awesome!…but I don't want Shang Xiang doing something dumb, y'know? Tong's been her best friend since they were kids."

"Well, maybe they're meant to be best friends only, perhaps?" Zhou Yu suggested.

"I guess," Sun Ce said, making a face. "Well, as long as she's happy, I guess it's none of my—" He glanced over his shoulder and squinted. "Yu… do you see that?"

"See what?" Zhou Yu asked, "Ce, don't be going senile on me—"

"Senile!?" Sun Ce squawked, "We're like the same age! …oh whatever, just tell me if you see that!"

"See…what?" Zhou Yu repeated, "Ce, I don't see—you mean that fleet of ships?"

"YES THAT FLEET OF SHIPS," Sun Ce said, his eyes narrowing, "So, Cao Cao's reinforcements are finally arriving, huh? Well, I'll stop 'em!" He charged.

Gan Ning recognized Sun Ce and Zhou Yu from afar, and had been planning his dramatic entrance for a few minutes now. He's climb to the top of the sails, jump down, and—Sun Ce's fist smashed into the side of his face.

"OW!" he shouted, furious, swinging his fist in return and punching the Wu conqueror upside his fat goateed head, "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT, CE!?"

Sun Ce howled, recoiling in pain, and froze—he looked up and grinned. "Oh, Ning! Hey there, buddy, didn't recognize you~"

"Yeah," Gan Ning said darkly, "thanks for the _punch_—Huang Zu's history," he reported, "and you guys were right, he did kill your old man. I'm sorry."

Sun Ce's expression faltered for a moment, and he looked as sad as he felt; he regained his old smile and put his hand on Gan Ning's shoulder.

"Can't thank you enough," said Sun Ce, grinning, "and—hey, who the hell are all these guys, Ning?" He rubbed his cheek, still from where Gan Ning punched him.

"Huang Zu's old navy, my new one," Gan Ning answered easily, "turns out I made more of an impression on 'em than I thought~"

"Unbelievable," said Zhou Yu, "all these men are fighting for us now!?"

"Yep," said Gan Ning, "well, _me,_ mostly, but I guess that means you guys too."

"Damn right," said Sun Ce. "And way to show up _late_, Ning, we're all done with business here."

Gan Ning looked outraged. "Wha…!? I thought I said hold off on killing everyone until I showed up!" He scowled.

"Yeah, yeah," said Sun Ce, "next time, be _on_ time~ alright guys, time to head _home_, I miss my beautiful wife's warm embrace!"

Very aware his companions were glaring at him—and with good reason, Zhou Yu hadn't seen his wife in quite some time and Gan Ning didn't have a wife—he grinned sheepishly. "Sorry, guys. Alright, time to get going!"

"Jerks who brag about their pretty wives get to walk," Gan Ning grumbled.

"Hear, hear," said Zhou Yu miserably.

-

"Lord Cao Pi!" squawked the infantrymen, recognizing the large white stallion and its rider, "Lord Cao Pi, you've arrived!"

"What are all of you yelling about?" Cao Pi asked, dismounting, unsheathing his twin swords (since this is DW5 Cao Pi and not DW6 Cao Pi).

"Sun Ce has attacked us!" one of the infantrymen whined, "he's not alone, he's joined by many officers of Wu and it doesn't look like we'll be able to turn the battle around!"

Cao Pi sighed in frustration. "Then why didn't you insist I bring more reinforcements?" he asked, rubbing his temples, "even I cannot repel an entire army! I can't believe I left Guan Du for this!"

"What do you propose we do, Lord Cao Pi?" Guo Jia, He Fei head of defense and one of Cao Cao's strategists, asked, eying the young lord.

Cao Pi mounted his horse. "I believe a retreat is in order. There is no point in fighting a one-sided battle; it's simply a waste of lives and resources. We will pull back for now and allow He Fei to fall to Wu."

-

"Hey, they're back!" Sun Shang Xiang shouted, jumping up.

"DARLING!" Da Qiao squealed, running to fling her arms around her husband.

Sun Ce grinned hugely at his family, striding inside the palace, Gan Ning and Zhou Yu behind him. "Guess what!?" he asked, excitedly.

(Nobody noticed Sun Shang Xiang flinging her arms around Gan Ning, and the quick squeeze he gave her in return before they realized what they were doing, yelped, and separated.)

"What?" Da Qiao asked eagerly.

"We've got the entire southeast of China!" he shouted, pumping his fist in the air, "everything from Jiao Zhi to He Fei is _ours_!"

Everyone cheered.

"Lu Meng, Lu Xun, good to see you guys made it ho—Taishi Ci, Zhou Tai!?" Sun Ce asked, "when'd you guys get back?"

"About a week ago, my lord," said Taishi Ci, "and we're not the only ones, Cheng Pu, Han Dang, and Ding Feng came with us!"

The generics in question grinned. Ling Cao looked cheerful, he, Cheng Pu and Huang Gai were the only 'old generals' left, everyone else was at least under thirty.

"Well, we've got most of our friends back," said Sun Ce, "a quarter of the land is ours, and we'll find Xiao, Tong, Huang Gai and the rest before too long!"

"I imagine it'll just take them some time to get back," said Zhou Yu.

"That's not the only good news!" Sun Quan said, beaming hugely. His words earned him a hearty smack from Sun Shang Xiang and a glare from Da Qiao. "Ouch!" he said, annoyed, "what the hell was _that_ for, Shang Xiang!?"

"You bonehead," Sun Shang Xiang hissed, "she didn't _want_ to tell anyone yet!"

"Tell anyone what?" Sun Ce asked curiously, looking around the room.

"Might as well tell 'im, Da," said Sun Shang Xiang, "Quan's already blown it anyway~"

"I have not! Dammit Shang Xiang!" Sun Quan complained.

"Will someone either tell me or not tell me!?" Sun Ce asked.

"I'll tell you, darling~" Da Qiao said, jumping off her chair and smiling brightly at her husband, "darling, I'm pregnant! We're going to have a baby!"

Sun Ce's big grin froze.

-

Alrighty, some various notes/explanations you might've noticed scattered through the chapter~

(1), I'm almost sure that my Jiao Zhi/Xia Kou reference is incorrect, but since Jiao Zhi and Xia Kou share a map in DW5/DW5 Empires (Battle of Jiao Zhi _is_ the Xia Kou map, in other words) I just figure I'd slap them together and make Xia Kou a port town in Jiao Zhi. One might call it historical inaccuracy, I call it creativity.

(2) According to Wikipedia, these two—Deng Long and Chen Jiu—were loyal to Huang Zu and they didn't like Gan Ning. Keep that in mind.

This one took _forever_, uggh. Next chapter should be up shortly (considering the next _three_ chapters are already written :D)

Thanks for your patience and I hope I haven't lost all my old reviewers :( COME BACK TO ME MY FRIENDS!


	10. Xiao Qiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaao

This chapter features the glorious return of one of the "missing" Wu generals. :) That's all I'm gonna say for now~

-

Sun Ce sighed. Sitting on his throne upside down didn't make the view of the large Wu throne room any more interesting.

"I'm so stinkin' booooooorrred," he sang under his breath, "I could be outsideeeeeee, playing with everyone else, but nooooooo, I have to sit on the throoooooone and do nothinggggggggg…"

He was interrupted by the sound of a clearing throat; embarrassed, Sun Ce quickly flipped over on his throne so he was seated upright, glaring at Han Dang.

"OY! Han Dang, do you mind!? You're interrupting my King time!" Sun Ce shouted. "What the heck're you doing home anyway? I thought you guys were stationed out in He Fei!"

Han Dang quickly bowed. "Forgive me, my Lord. I bear an important message."

"Well, let's hear it," Sun Ce said, yawning and stretching his muscular arms.

Han Dang nodded. "Well, as you know, He Fei once was part of Cao Cao's territory. Now, however, since we've vacated it, we've heard reports of a prison northwest of He Fei. We captured a Wei soldier lurking nearby the prison, and although he refused to delegate the location, he did tell us Lady Xiao Qiao is being held prisoner until Cao Cao himself arrives to take her to Xu Chang."

"WHAT!?" Sun Ce shouted. "Xiao Qiao!? No way! What're you guys doing telling me this!? Shouldn't you have gone to save her instead? Where's the guy you guys captured!? Make him tell you where she is!"

"Well…" Han Dang looked embarrassed. "We, um, we tried, sir."

"AND!?" Sun Ce asked.

Han Dang sighed. "After we got the information about Lady Xiao Qiao, he refused to say anything else. Dong Xi got annoyed and killed him, sir."

Sun Ce groaned, hitting himself in the forehead. "You've gotta be kidding me."

"I'm afraid not, sir." Han Dang glanced at the young King. "What do you suggest we do?"

"Well, we can start by ensuring Dong Xi's violent ass stays away from the prisoners!" Sun Ce said, making a face.

Han Dang nodded sheepishly.

Sun Ce thought for a minute. "Alright, first of all, we're not saying anything to Zhou Yu. I'm gonna go check this out myself."

"My lord, are you sure that's safe?" Han Dang asked, "I'm sure there will be remnants of Cao Cao's He Fei troops—"

"Who, them? I'm not worried about that," Sun Ce said scornfully. "No, in case this guy's lying, and Xiao Qiao's not really there, I don't want it to devastate Zhou Yu."

Han Dang bowed again. "My lord, you are as kind as you are brave. Your father would be proud of you."

"Yeah?" Sun Ce said with a grin. "Thanks Han Dang. Alright, stay put, I'm gonna go arrange for a little nightly visit to Cao Cao's prison."

-

News of Da Qiao's pregnancy had quickly swept through the palace and across the land; people were coming up to the palace to offer their young Lord their congratulations, and many midwives were _already_ offering to help Da Qiao with the baby when it came time for her to give birth.

She'd been about four months pregnant when Sun Ce had returned, and was already starting to show, but she was so radiant and excited she didn't seem to mind. Of course, to Sun Ce, she was still as beautiful as before, so he wasn't put off at all. (He wasn't crazy about the "no sex until the baby is born" rule, but he'd live.)

The excitement wasn't lost with Sun Ce's siblings and generals either; after Zhou Yu, and Gan Ning were done making horrified faces at the prospect of Sun Ce being a father—horrified faces that ended after Da Qiao clobbered them, in height order respectively—were now sitting around the breakfast table discussing logistics. Or, squealing. More of the latter than the former.

"What do you want it to be?" Sun Shang Xiang asked excitedly. She and Sun Quan had known about the pregnancy all along, having been with Da Qiao, but Sun Ce coming home finally only got everyone more excited about the soon-to-come Sun heir.

"I'll love whatever comes out of me," Da Qiao said, "But Ce told me he wants a little girl!" She beamed.

Sun Shang Xiang grinned. "Sucker. He _would_ want a girl~"

"Why sucker?" Zhou Yu asked. "Girls are _cute_~ and a little girl who looks like Da Qiao!?"

"You'll be beating the boys off with a stick if that's the case," Gan Ning laughed. "Just what Ce wants, huh?"

"He's protective enough of Shang Xiang, I'd hate to see what he'd do to a man going for the hand of his daughter," Sun Quan chuckled. He frowned. "Of course _I'd_ have something to say too, nobody is going to lay a _hand_ on my little niece!"

"No they will not," Zhou Yu agreed, "I'll be sure to break whatever you and Ce leave untouched~"

"Are you scared, Da?" Sun Shang Xiang asked, turning to her sister-in-law, for once ignoring the testosterone fest on the other side of the table rather than joining in on it.

"A little," Da Qiao admitted, "But I'm excited, too! I've always wanted to have a baby, but I was mostly afraid Ce wouldn't be happy. But now that I know he's excited about it, I think we'll be able to handle whatever comes our way~"

"I think Ce'd be a good dad, all things considered," Sun Shang Xiang commented, "He's done a great job leading the family since Daddy died, and growing up we always had so much fun together~"

"I'm so excited!" Da Qiao squealed, "I'm so excited I'm actually _okay_ with being ridiculously fat!"

"You _must_ be excited!" Sun Shang Xiang commented, and the two women lapsed in giggles.

Sun Ce came into the room, looking serious for once. "Oi, Quan, Shang Xiang, I need to talk to you guys," he said, grabbing their arms and hauling them out of the room before they could object.

Gan Ning exchanged looks with Zhou Yu and Da Qiao. "Wonder what that was about?" he asked.

"Probably something to do with the you-know-what," Zhou Yu said, smiling at Gan Ning over Da Qiao's head.

Gan Ning looked confused. "I don't know what! What?"

Zhou Yu sighed. "Remember? The you-know-what? To celebrate the you-know-who?"

Gan Ning thought long and hard, innuendo unintentional. Then he brightened. "Oh, you mean the party for Ce and Da's spawn, right? I remember~"

Da Qiao's eyes widened excitedly. "You're throwing us a party!?" she squealed.

Zhou Yu sighed. "It was originally going to be a _surprise_ party!"

"Well, she looks surprised, doesn't she?" Gan Ning offered, looking at Da Qiao, "Look at her, that's the picture of surprised~"

"Don't worry, don't worry, I won't tell Ce and I promise to act surprised!" Da Qiao promised, patting Zhou Yu's hand. "And the baby won't tell anyone either~" she patted her still-flat stomach and smiled again.

-

"WHAT!? XIAO—"

Sun Ce clapped his hand over his younger sister's mouth to quiet her down. "Shh! Keep it down, would you? I don't want Da or Zhou Yu to hear you!"

Sun Shang Xiang nodded. "Okay, fine! But why're you telling me?" Her eyes brightened. "Do you want me to come?! Is that why?"

Sun Quan tilted his head to the side. "Brother, are you sure it's really Xiao Qiao?"

"Both of you shut up for a second! Shang Xiang, I'm sorry, but you can't come with me, it's going to be dangerous. Quan, I'm not completely sure it's really her, but if there's even a chance the report is true I'm at least gonna go check."

"Of course it's going to be dangerous!" Sun Shang Xiang whined, "This could be a trap just to lure us out there!"

Sun Ce folded his arms. "If the report said it was Ling Tong being held prisoner somewhere, you'd have taken off already."

Sun Shang Xiang scowled. "Fine. But what if it is a trap and you need our help?"

"I do need your help!" Sun Ce said quickly, trying not to provoke his volatile sister, "But it's staying at the palace and watching over things while I'm gone. I don't think I'll be gone for very long, maybe a day or two at the most; but you guys have to stay here and make sure nobody panics!"

"Like who?" Sun Shang Xiang asked, sounding disappointed.

"Like Yu, or Da! They cannot know about this! Especially Da, I don't want anything stressing her out now!" Sun Ce said firmly, "Understand?"

"No," Sun Quan said, looking confused. "I thought Zhou Yu would accompany you, Ce. Are you sure you don't want me to come? I'm sure Shang Xiang can hold the fort down here."

Sun Ce shook his head. "If it was anyone else, then yeah, but not Xiao. If it turns out to be a false report and she's not really there, Yu'll be devastated. Same with Da."

"Is anyone going with you?" Sun Shang Xiang asked. "You can't go alone, it's too dangerous!"

"I think I'll be okay. But now that you mention it, I probably should have someone come too, to watch my back…" Sun Ce tapped his goateed chin lightly. "Hmm…"

-

"What!? A night raid? Sounds cool! Count me in!" Gan Ning shouted, punching his chest proudly. "I used to do night raids all the time!"

"That's not what you tell your leader," Sun Ce scolded lightly, but grinned. "Actually, I take it back, all of your former pirate buddies should come with us…"

Gan Ning scratched his head. "Well, I lost contact with everyone… and most of 'em got executed by Huang Zu when I did my rebellion…"

"Never mind. But we're going tonight, so get ready," Sun Ce said, "That's an order! I want that girl home as soon as we can get her here!"

"A girl!? Well that changes everything!" Gan Ning said, grinning. "Who is she?"

"Her name is Xiao Qiao, she was here before we got kicked out of our land and now apparently Cao Cao has her," Sun Ce said, shaking his head.

"Xiao Qiao…" Gan Ning tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Hey, is she—"

"Yep, she's Da Qiao's sister," Sun Ce said, "Qiao is their family name, it's styled differently than ours are."

"No kidding? What's she like?" Gan Ning asked.

"She's…" Sun Ce paused. "Well, I couldn't love her more if she were my own sister, but, uh… she's a bit, how do you say… hyperactive? Not that that's a problem, she fits in great around here. She's kind of like Shang Xiang, only less aggressive."

"Da Qiao's sister… so she must be cute too!" Gan Ning concluded, triumphantly.

-

The trip to He Fei went smoother than expected; He Fei was west of Jian Ye, so instead of taking Gan Ning's ship, the two men took horses and were able to arrive at the main He Fei base by sundown.

"Han Dang said the prison is north of He Fei, right on the outskirts of Xu Chang," Sun Ce said, thoughtfully, "so we should probably head north from here."

"Yeah," Gan Ning agreed, "Hope we can find it before it gets dark." He frowned. "Oi, Ce, what's the plan if she's _not_ here?"

"Not sure," Sun Ce answered, "I'm really hoping it doesn't come down to that."

-

"They call this a prison?" Gan Ning asked. "Why don't they put up a sign?"

Sun Ce snorted. "You're telling me. You'd think they'd guard a prisoner like Xiao Qiao a bit more effectively."

"Oh, because Cao Cao wants her?" Gan Ning guessed.

Sun Ce laughed. "No. Xiao's unstoppable when you get her going. She makes my crazy sister look normal!"

Gan Ning grinned. "_This_ I have to see. How the hell do we get in?"

"Break down this DOOR!" Sun Ce shouted, charging the door, jumping in midair and kicking the battered wooden door down with his steel-soled boot. "Man, I love doin' that!"

He looked around. "Oh." He tore THROUGH the door. He beamed. "WOOHOO! I wanna do that again!" He glanced outside through his customized hole. "Ning, you coming? Hurry up!"

"I don't think so!" Gan Ning shouted, "I'm not gonna fit in there! It's gonna mess my hair up!"

"Then break the rest of the door down! Don't be such a girl!" Sun Ce chuckled.

"HEY! INTRUDERS!" shouted a voice, and before Gan Ning could pull through Sun Ce's customized hole in the door, Sun Ce was surrounded by prison guards.

Sun Ce scowled. "Where's Xiao Qiao!?" he demanded.

The guards exchanged glances, then glared back at Sun Ce. "We don't know! She's not here!"

"I am too! You big liars!" shrieked a voice that made Sun Ce's eyebrows shoot up.

"She's _definitely_ here! Hand her over!" Sun Ce ordered, crouching defensively and throwing an exasperated glance over his shoulder. "Gan Ning, what the hell are you doing?"

"Kinda stuck here," Gan Ning complained, tearing his leg through the door and ripping his pant leg. "Shit!" He glared at the prison guards. "Need some backup, Sun Ce?"

"Are you kidding? I could clean these guys up with one arm tied behind my back!" Sun Ce laughed. "Here we go!" He charged the prison guards, who yelped and raised their swords and spears to "defend" themselves; Sun Ce laughed and began his assault, delivering fast tonfa strikes and kicks to them one by one.

"Oi, Ce, heads up!" Gan Ning shouted, attacking the only surviving guard who was attacking Sun Ce from behind; he slashed out with his sword, slicing the guard's head off and sending it flying.

"Nicely done!" Sun Ce said with a grin. "Honestly, though, you'd think being Sun Ce and Gan Ning would be enough to make these guys shit themselves and run away."

"Tell me about it," Gan Ning said, shaking his head. "Ah well, they can fear us some other time. As for right now, let's go find that girl!"

"Right! I almost forgot!" Sun Ce chuckled, and the two set off down the corridor of the prison into the main hallway.

Sun Ce squinted through the darkness. "It's so dark, I can't see a—" He held his arm out suddenly, and Gan Ning walked into it.

"OW! What was THAT!?" Gan Ning hissed, "Is there someone there!?"

"Yes! ME!" Sun Ce hissed back. "Shut up!"

"Wh-who's there?" asked a small, high-pitched voice.

"Hey, shut up, she's around here," Sun Ce hissed to Gan Ning, "Any way we can light this place up?"

Gan Ning shook his head, but since it was dark, Sun Ce couldn't see him. "No," he said, "But I've got a better idea!"

"What is it?"

Gan Ning cupped his mouth with his free hand and yelled, "Hey, girlie! Are you in he— Ow!" he grunted, when Sun Ce punched him in the stomach to shut him up, knocking the wind out of him. "What was THAT for!?"

"I couldn't find your mouth in the dark! You're gonna scare her! And her name is XIAO QIAO—"

Sun Ce felt a hand lightly touch his arm. "Stop that."

"Stop what?" Gan Ning asked. "I didn't do anything!"

"Yeah, very funny. Stop touching me!"

"I'm not!" Gan Ning protested. "I'm over here! Why would I want to touch you anyway!?"

"Then what the heck is…" Sun Ce reached out and a tiny fist punched him in the gut. "Oof!" he grunted, staggering backwards, hugging his stomach. Damn solar plexus—"Hey!" he shouted, "who are you? Who's there!?"

"Stay away from me!" the girl shrieked, kicking him in the leg—Sun Ce grunted in pain _again_—and sprinting out of his reach.

Sun Ce chased after her fast enough to catch her ponytail escaping through the door, and grinned. "That's Xiao Qiao! C'mon, Ning!"

"Woohoo for chase scenes," Gan Ning said cheerfully, his sword resting on his shoulder, "You go that way, I go this way?"

Sun Ce nodded. "Right. Be careful." Gan Ning nodded in reply and they split off, Gan Ning heading to the right and Sun Ce to the left.

Sun Ce looked around warily. Xiao Qiao was one heck of a hide-and-seek player, which sucked, meaning she could be anywhere. He doubted she'd be dumb enough to hide for too long in enemy territory, particularly if she'd listened to any of the "You're a Qiao sister and lots of bad men want to do bad things to you" speeches Sun Jian, he and Zhou Yu had given the Two Qiaos over the years.

"Xiao?" he called, "it's me, Ce, I've come to bring you home~ I know you're out here, Xiao, can you come out already? I'm not in the mood for hide and seek!"

-

Gan Ning kicked over a box. He had forgotten to ask Sun Ce what the girl looked like; he knew she was Da Qiao's sister, so hopefully there was a girl who looked identical to Da Qiao out here somewhere.

Probably shouldn't be too hard to find… it wasn't often you see girls on the battlefield anyway, it's a—

"WHOA!!" Gan Ning shouted, as someone tackled him; he hit the ground and frantically tried to squirm free of whoever was on top of him. He grunted furiously and seized his captor's arms, flipping them over, pinning her to the ground.

He looked at his attacker and his eyebrows shot up. The beautiful face glowering at him caught him by surprise. Needless to say he didn't expect his attacker to be a girl, especially one as pretty as—

"AARRGH!" Gan Ning howled in pain, as the girl kneed him in the crotch. She took advantage of his momentary guard break to head butt him, knocking him backwards again; she jumped on top of him, sat on his chest, and promptly began punching the living hell out of him.

"OW! Knock it off!" Gan Ning shouted furiously, grabbing his wounded crotch with his right hand and trying to defend himself with his left. "OW!"

-

Sun Ce heard the commotion and rolled his eyes, beginning to head over towards the area Gan Ning was investigating. Gan Ning might be a genius on the battlefield but he was still an idiot—

"Hey!" Sun Ce exclaimed, "What the hell is going on!?"

"GET HER OFF ME!" Gan Ning shouted furiously.

Sun Ce groaned. He approached the little woman and grabbed her shoulders.

"HEY! Get off of—" Her large gray eyes widened in shock and she jumped to her feet. "SUN CE!" she shrieked.

"ARRRGH," Gan Ning grunted, as the girl's boots sunk into his chest, "GET OFF ME—"

Gan Ning was ignored again. Sun Ce grinned. "That's me!" he said, excitedly, and Xiao Qiao burst out laughing and threw her arms around him.

Sun Ce hugged her back fiercely, laughing so hard he was shaking. "How the heck did you get free!?"

Xiao Qiao giggled and leaned back so she could look at Sun Ce. "I've become quite the badass!" she boasted.

Sun Ce noticed she was still standing on Gan Ning's chest; he quickly lifted her up and moved her off. Gan Ning grunted in thanks and stood up, looking quite irritated, tousling his hair in annoyance.

"EEEEEK!" Xiao Qiao screamed, "Ce, kill that nasty bandit!"

"I'm not a bandit!" Gan Ning shouted. "I'm a PIRATE!" He thought for a second. "No, I'm the commander of Sun Ce's army!"

"He is," Sun Ce said with a nod. "Xiao, this is Gan Ning. Ning, Xiao Qiao."

"YOU'RE Da Qiao's sister!?" Gan Ning asked incredulously.

"I sure am! Sorry I attacked you!" Xiao Qiao said sheepishly. "When you're out in the middle of nowhere like I am, you attack everyone!"

"I'll bet," Sun Ce commented, noticing the various scrapes, cuts and bruises adorning Xiao Qiao's lithe frame. "You're not hurt or anything, are you?"

"Nope, not too bad," Xiao Qiao said, beaming. "I'm so glad to see you, Ce! I thought I was gonna be out here forever!"

Sun Ce chuckled. "We heard a report that you were out here, so of course we had to come check it out. And actually, you're not all that far from Jian Ye; He Fei is the next territory over."

"Does that mean we'll be home soon?" Xiao Qiao asked, her eyes huge.

"Sure does," Sun Ce replied, "Probably by tomorrow afternoon, if we ride through the night."

"My stomach hurts," Gan Ning complained.

"Oh stop whining," Sun Ce said good-naturedly.

-

The way home was much more enjoyable than the journey to He Fei; Xiao Qiao rode in front of Sun Ce, and she chattered happily throughout the night. Gan Ning had very quickly gotten over his annoyance at being attacked, and the two seemed to have hit it off.

Right now, Xiao Qiao was asleep, leaned against Sun Ce's chest; Sun Ce had set her in front of him in case she wanted to sleep, and she was so small he could easily steer the horse behind her.

"She sure is cute," Gan Ning commented, looking over at her (and not doing a good job steering his horse).

Sun Ce nodded. "She really is. Zhou Yu's gonna flip when he sees her."

Gan Ning looked at him. "What's Zhou Yu gotta do with anything?"

"I didn't tell you!? She's married to Zhou Yu," Sun Ce said.

Gan Ning looked a bit more than annoyed.

Sun Ce smiled sheepishly. "Sorry buddy."

"ARRGH," Gan Ning grumbled, "Why are all the cute girls taken?"

-

"Xiao, wake up," Sun Ce said, nudging his sister-in-law as the palace horse stables came into view. "C'mon, Xiao, sooner you wake up, sooner you can see Zhou Yu~"

"ZHOU YU!" Xiao Qiao squealed excitedly, jumping awake—scaring the hell out of Sun Ce, not expecting that excitable a response at all—and beaming. "Yaay~ He's probably asleep now, though!"

"Naaaah, he might be havin' one of his midnight insomniac attacks and be writing or something," Sun Ce suggested, "Sides, it's almost sunrise anyway~" He dismounted, offered Xiao Qiao his hand so she could get down, and once she was off he led his white horse into one of the pens.

"Night, boy," he said, petting his horse's head.

Gan Ning followed, dismounting, parking and petting his horse. "I never used to like horses, but this one's cool," he commented.

The horse put his wet nose on Gan Ning's cheek and he groaned in protest. "Ew!"

Sun Ce laughed. "Guess he likes you too~"

Xiao Qiao pouted, grabbing Sun Ce's arm. "Hurry up," she whined, "I wanna see Yu!"

"Yeah, yeah, keep your shorts on," Sun Ce chuckled, "It's been two years, what's another fifteen minutes~"

"I wanna see him NOW!" Xiao Qiao whined, "I'll punch you again!"

Gan Ning grinned. "My kind of girl~ I mean, uh, in a total general way! Not you in particular or anything!" The horse was the only one listening, so he got off scot-free. For now.

Sun Ce yawned. "Yeah, I'm about to hit the sack too~"

They left the stables, and Gan Ning nodded before turning towards his ship. "See you guys in the morning~"

Xiao Qiao grabbed him around his waist in a big hug. "Thank you for saving me!" she said, smiling up at him, making the ex-pirate turn all sorts of interesting shades of red (luckily it was dark out, so she didn't see this).

"No prob," Gan Ning answered, getting an arm around her waist and giving her a small squeeze. He let go before things got too awkward—and, Xiao Qiao didn't.

"C'mon, Xiao, let 'im go to sleep," said Sun Ce, yawning again.

"Okay!" said Xiao Qiao, "night Ning!" She grabbed Sun Ce's arm and tugged him off towards the palace.

Gan Ning yawned and stretched his arms over his head before heading back to the palace. Stupid married girls.

-

Xiao Qiao went inside the familiar bedroom she and Zhou Yu had shared since they'd been married; she almost couldn't believe it'd been two years since she was in here, but so it was~ she crept over towards the dresser, opening it and smiling—Yu was still a neat freak!!—and fishing out a sleep shirt and a pair of comfy shorts. She changed, quickly, and climbed into bed beside her beloved husband, who was out like a candle.

He was sleeping so peacefully she didn't have the heart to wake him up, but she was so happy to be with him again she almost didn't want to wait until morning!

With a reluctant smile, she settled down again, her arm across his chest and her head on his shoulder. "Nighty night, Yu~" she said happily, and moved her arm temporarily to pull the blanket to her shoulders. "I love you~"

-

Zhou Yu woke up that morning with a groan. Another day, another boring strategy meeting. What was the point, honestly. He was finding ways to stay in good spirits, but it just wasn't the same without his Xiao Qiao.

He sighed and shuffled over, deciding to make an attempt at some more sleep before getting ready for the day, and his nose met a terrible smell. Ugh. It smelled like something hadn't been washed in _years_! He sat up, looking around his room for the source of the smell—it wouldn't be unlike Sun Ce to try and hide frogs in his linens to try and frighten him, perhaps the frog had died and festered?—and his eyes met his wife's.

"Morning Yu!" said Xiao Qiao cheerfully. "Did you sleep good? You sure snored like you did~" she giggled.

Zhou Yu, for the life of him, thought he was dreaming. He blinked a few (hundred) times and stared, and rubbed his eyes once before continuing to stare, but the woman in his bed didn't disappear, and neither did her radiant smile.

"What, Zhouie?" she asked, pouting, "is there something on my face?" she rubbed at her nose.

Zhou Yu practically shrieked with joy. "X-XIAO QIAO!" he shouted, and sat up, throwing his arms around her, "Oh, my darling, when did you—how did you—" He was so excited even his massive vocabulary was failing him. Xiao Qiao was back!

"I'm back!" Xiao Qiao giggled, grinning at her husband. "I'm so happy to be back, Yu, I missed you so much!"

"I missed you too," Zhou Yu stammered, the master strategist still at a loss for words as he hugged his wife, rocking her back and forth in his arms, burying his face in her hair. "Oh, my—" He froze. "Xiao?"

"Yes, darling?" Xiao Qiao asked, her face nuzzled in his bare chest.

"Umm—dear, you, uhh—you see, proper hygiene benefits us all, not just—"

"Yu, if you're saying I stink, you can at least tell me in small words," Xiao Qiao complained, and she sat back. "Whoa. I stink, don't I!?"

"I'm afraid so," Zhou Yu said, "it's still early, I'm sure you'd like to smell nice when you run into your friends later?"

"Oh, right, I almost forgot about everyone else!" Xiao Qiao squealed, hopping off the bed and grabbing Zhou Yu's hand.

"Yes, dear?" Zhou Yu asked curiously.

"I'm taking a bath!" Xiao Qiao said pointedly.

"Of course, darling." Zhou Yu was confused.

"Maybe you should take one too?" Xiao Qiao suggested, her fingers tracing over the back of his hand.

Zhou Yu tilted his head, his dark hair spilling over his shoulder. "I'm quite alright, I bathed before I went to bed last night."

Xiao Qiao sighed. "Yu, do I have to spell it out for you? _Scrub my back_ for me?" She grinned mischievously.

Zhou Yu's eyebrows rose, and he smiled hugely. "Of course, dear!" He climbed out of the bed hurriedly, trying to thrash himself free of the sheets in a most un-graceful manner (Xiao Qiao hid her giggling behind her hand) and led the way to the bathroom in their small suite.

"Took you long enough, Yu!" Xiao Qiao chirped, grabbing her husband and pulling him in for a stinky kiss.

-

Breakfast that morning was going to be fun, at least as far as Sun Ce was predicting. He had just climbed back into bed, not about to wake his wife up, so she didn't know her sister was back.

In fact, Sun Ce thought it'd be a nice surprise for his wife to see her sister down at breakfast, figuring that'd save him from explaining the whole 'why we took off with no explanation' and even better, avoid getting yelled at by a pregnant woman. Yow. Getting yelled at by his pregnant wife did not sound fun at all.

So as he and his beautiful wife went down to the breakfast hall that morning, Sun Ce fended off her questions with smiles and 'you'll see~' and just as he thought she was about to pummel him in her frustration, he pushed the door to the dining hall open and—

Darn it, where the hell was Xiao Qiao!?

"Yo," said Gan Ning, "mornin'~"

"Where's you-know-who!?" Sun Ce demanded.

Gan Ning looked confused.

Ling Cao, thankfully, did not have the IQ of a paramecium, and waved for Sun Ce's attention. "Not here yet, my lord, but hopefully soon," he said.

Sun Ce made a face at Gan Ning and gave Ling Cao the thumbs up. "Good to know _someone_ in this palace has a brain—c'mon, baby and—other baby, let's get you fed~"

Da Qiao sighed. "Darling, I spent the whole morning throwing up, I'm not hungry at the moment!"

"But you have to eat, Da, that's _my_ baby in there too," said Sun Ce guilelessly.

"Yeah, and even though he eats for seven that doesn't transfer over to the baby," commented Sun Quan.

"HEY," Sun Ce said threateningly, rearing on his younger brother, "you shaddap!"

"I will not," said Sun Quan, "people thought you ate all of my food growing up!"

"S'not _my_ fault you took forever to hit puberty," Sun Ce complained.

"Quan hit puberty? That's news for me," said Sun Shang Xiang brightly. Gan Ning laughed and she promptly turned pink, pointedly keeping her attention on her food.

Sun Ce and Sun Quan exchanged knowing glances.

Da Qiao smiled brightly. Weddings~

"C'mon, Da," said Sun Ce, sitting down at the table and pulling his wife on his lap, "if you're not gonna eat I'm going to eat in front of you~"

"I would say don't drop anything on her clothes, but you're _Sun Ce_, you don't drop any food," said Sun Quan.

Sun Ce glared at him.

Da Qiao frowned. "I _told_ you you're getting fat, dear," she complained, "just look at that waistline of yours!"

"I'm not fat!" Sun Ce whined, "I'm stocky!"

"Fat," said Gan Ning cheerfully. "Oi, fatty, I'll spar with you later, someone's gotta kick that fat ass of yours in shape!"

"I'M NOT FAT," Sun Ce complained, and everyone was so busy laughing at Sun Ce's weight-induced anguish nobody noticed Zhou Yu and Xiao Qiao walking in the dining hall, and—

"SIS!" Xiao Qiao shrieked, and Da Qiao looked over, her eyes widened, and jumped up and began shrieking too—and Sun Ce howled and covered his ears since she was sitting on his lap when the shrieking began—and the two sisters ran to each other and embraced fiercely.

Well, as fiercely as they could hug with a cannon ball separating them. Da Qiao was about six months pregnant, but she was showing, and showing quite a bit. Xiao Qiao pulled away from her sister and looked down at her stomach.

"_Wow_, sis," she commented, smiling at her big sister, "good to see you didn't starve yourself when I was away, I guess~"

"Oh, hush, you little brat," Da Qiao said fondly, smoothing her sister's flyaway hair, "Xiao, I'm _pregnant_, Ce and I are expecting!"

"Expecting what?" Xiao Qiao asked, "No way Ce could give you a _human_ baby~"

"Oi!" Sun Ce shouted, ignoring the laughter at the table, "That's a fully human baby!"

"How do you know? You haven't _seen_ it yet~" Xiao Qiao pointed out, giggling. Da Qiao bit back her own giggle.

"Xiao, don't antagonize my husband, please," she said lightly, "we all know his insecurity issues~"

"For example, whatever you do, don't tell him he's put on any weight," Zhou Yu said, his mouth a straight line.

"And don't tell 'im hair ribbons are for girls," Gan Ning added, smirking.

"I _haven't_ put on any weight!" Sun Ce squawked, "and where do you get off making fun of my hair, _bandana boys_!?"

"This is a headband serving the purpose of keeping my hair from my eyes," Zhou Yu said, pointing to it.

"Yeah, same here, except replace headband with badass bandana! And you're just wearin' that 'cause it looks pretty, aren't you~" Gan Ning teased, grinning.

"I hate you all! All of you except my wife!" Sun Ce pouted.

-

The day came and went pretty quickly, and Gan Ning was taking a walk around the palace as the sun was starting to go down, mostly out of boredom and annoyance at the happy married people everywhere. Boring~

He stretched his arms over his head and cracked his back. He and Sun Ce'd had a nice spar earlier, nothin' made a training session more fun than beatin' the crap out of each other—

"Hey, Shang Xiang," Gan Ning said, noticing the Wu princess nearby, "What're you doing out here by yourself?"

"I could ask you the same thing," Sun Shang Xiang answered, looking down at the ground dejectedly.

Gan Ning came over and stood next to her on the balcony, his back turned to the lands of Wu. "I can't take being in there any more, too much huggy crap or whatever," he said, making a face. "What's up with you, everything alright?"

"No," Sun Shang Xiang said, annoyed, "it's not. I—I'm the only one who doesn't have _anyone_, you know? Ce and Da have each other, Yu and Xiao, everyone's got _someone_ to hang out with, or something! I never thought I'd—I'd miss Tong so much, but now that Xiao's back I keep thinking maybe he's still alive and he'll be home soon too, or—" She looked like she was about to cry, and apparently she could tell as much.

"I'm gonna go to bed," she said, making a face, "Sorry for ranting at—"

Gan Ning grabbed her arm and pulled her closer. "Don't go," he said, and kissed her.

Sun Shang Xiang's eyes widened and her cheeks flushed a horrible shade of pink before she got a quick arm around his neck. Wasn't every day a hot pirate came up and kissed her, after all~

"Uhhh," managed Sun Shang Xiang, once he pulled back again.

Gan Ning grinned at her. "What?"

"S-so are we… uhm…" Sun Shang Xiang turned pink at the very idea. "Are we, uhh—together, or whatever?"

"I didn't mean _that_," Gan Ning said, scratching his head awkwardly. "I dunno, I figure we're just friends, right? Friends can… uhhh… do stuff and not be not-friends, right?"

Sun Shang Xiang pouted. "So you like me enough to kiss me but you don't like me enough to be my boyfriend?" she huffed.

"I didn't say that!" Gan Ning protested, "I—I dunno, I just meant—I'm not, uh, really _boyfriend_ material, you know?"

Sun Shang Xiang smiled. "I was kidding," she told him, "I don't want a boyfriend anyway, and—yeah, I don't see a problem with… uhhh… "hanging out"," she said, winking with the air quotes.

Gan Ning grinned and looped his arm around her. "Sounds good to me," he told her, and kissed her again.

-

So Xiao Qiao is back, Da Qiao is five months pregnant, and Gan Ning and Sun Shang Xiang are having a fling mostly for lack of screen time on Sun Shang Xiang's part and because I get bored easily.

Blegh, this has been a chapter sitting on my hard drive for all too long and look how long _this_ one took to bang out; chapter 11 is sadly a blank document, so, blegh. I'll try to pick the updates up but I'm not making any promises D:

Reviews, feedback, whatever all appreciated :D

Also, if you like this story, give some of my other stories a shot! I'm much more enthusiastic about my other stories than this one, sadly D: But if you're looking for something else to read, you might find something you like. That was my public service announcement for the day.

Have you played Warriors Orochi, the mixup DW/SW game? Go to the fanfiction section and check out the stories there too! :D


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